Nanny spending more than agreed on own expenses

[Saysomethingorwhatnot]

I’ve name changed for this as I post a lot in my usual name, and don’t want this linked to my other threads.

I am a single parent working full-time, and have a full-time live-out Nanny for my 3 primary school aged DC who does everything; childcare/activities/shopping/cooking/cleaning/washing/ironing/errands etc.

So that Nanny doesn’t need to constantly ask me for money to facilitate the above, I provide a bank card with a limited amount of cash available for her to spend on house/children related purchases.

I used to add £160 to Nanny’s monthly payslip to cover travelling round with the children (Nanny has own car), however I’ve recently bought a new car which Nanny knows she can use anytime (and actually Nanny does use my car regularly as I don’t at all during the week as I commute using trains).

A few months before I got my new car, Nanny asked if I could pay her the equivalent taxed cash (£30) on a weekly basis for petrol instead of through her monthly salary. I agreed as I know she struggles with managing her own money, and has asked me for advances at end of week 3/beginning of week 4 of a month a few times.

My bank has recently asked for my updated mobile details, and I’ve suddenly started receiving notifications. I received a bank notification today to say Nanny has spent the double the amount I advised she could spend on weekly petrol (so £60 instead of £30). Possibly because she was on annual leave one of the weeks, however my thought is that if she was on annual leave, she wasn’t ferrying the children around. Plus she has access to my car when with us, so I shouldn’t be paying her car expenses as well. I looked back through my bank statements and noticed she’d spent the same double amount (£60) a few times previously (either after annual leave or during school holidays).

I am a fair employer, paying a market rate salary, plus I give Nanny payslip bonuses and extra days off during the year. I can afford the extra amounts Nanny has spent on petrol as I earn a decent salary, however wondering whether I would be unreasonable to say no petrol expense except when with children and for only the agreed amount. It’s really quite sensitive, as she is very much part of our family, DC love her, and I couldn’t do what I do without her. Makes me feel I’m being petty to quibble over £30 here and there, but I must admit it has irked me. If general consensus is that I should leave it, then I will.

Grateful for any thoughts.

I would think it isn't worth the hassle, are Nanny's easy to find? If not is it worth £30 is she paid well? I think if you don't trust her why would you trust her with your children.

I hate the inevitable ‘I look after my own children thanks’ responses. Instead of being judgemental, why don’t you share your experience of how to make it work being a single parent who works 9-5 (plus commuting time) in order to pay for your house, children and expenses whilst also looking after your children?

I would say something, it doesn’t need to be accusatory, just framed as a ‘let’s sit down and look at finances and whether you are receiving enough as I’ve noticed xyz’.

Nannys not Nanny's

@Sauvblanctime while I’d love to be at home more, the reality is that I need to work full-time to pay my mortgage and bills.

For context, Nanny’s salary is £40k plus bonus plus pension and expenses. I also have employers costs on top of those.

@CandyLeBonBon ooo you caught me 🙄

So does op? She has a nanny to be able to work, no different to nursery just a few added bonus such as cleaning etc

It's theft plan and simple.

I probably wouldn't make a big fuss but I would clock it and take it out of her annual bonus.

She's clearly crap at managing her money, if she wants advances on her bonus she can have them but she has to understand that her compensation is set overall.

@Saysomethingorwhatnot

I get that, but it’s a luxury a lot of people don’t have.
If her salary is 40k, and you’re not in London, she’s taking the piss.
Worth a chat, is she drowning in debt? If she’s not driving your kids around, she shouldn’t be taking money off you

Thank you for the sensible reply 🤜🏻

You’re really digging now @Sauvblanctime .
Why not quietly exit this thread?

When I was a nanny I had to provide receipts for everything and write down dates and transactions in a book. It was a right ball ache. She's taking the piss.

Presumably their dad doesn't, though. Because you do.

You have time and money enough to do this? Aren't you lucky?
I would have a lil word with yourself and put your entitlement away

@Poivresel or you could scroll by my comments 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Sauvblanctime
Genuinely, are you ok? Judging by your posts on this thread, you’re either having a bad day or you’re just going out of your way to be a crow 🦅

And the ones who don't work have someone supporting them...

Tighten up across the board, it’s too lax. Leave cash out for her weekly petrol and activity money. Ensure you get receipts. Add it up each week.

Ensure you don’t pay for holiday petrol.
stop being a mug, she is taking advantage because you are allowing her too and she has you over a barrel.

This. Work expenses are for when she's at work, transporting your dc around.

Your nanny is stealing from you op.

What car does she drive, and for how far a week, if she's clicking up £160 a month on fuel?!? Even with depreciation and at the HMRC rate that's 16 miles each and every day she's with you!!! In ACTUAL terms my car would drive over 1000 miles on £160 worth of fuel!!

30 quid a week petrol just to run tour children to the local playgroup or soft play extortionate. Is she going to the playgroups in the next county or something?

She is well and truly taking the piss and is using the fact that she knows you need her to facilitate it. I couldn’t trust someone with my children and in my home if I knew they were dishonest enough to take advantage with finances.

Pretty obvious statement,but you've obviously got the time to post this
Unanimous view on you is probably reflected in real life

The role and the work required was all agreed at the start of the arrangement a couple of years ago, and I agree it’s not usual Nanny duties, I use that title as childcare is my main need, although it’s really more like Nanny/Housekeeper/PA.

Like an employee she needs to document her expenses and submit them to you in some kind of an expense report, even if it is not as formal as big company would do.

I am puzzled as to why this would be going on her payslips or would be taxed though, so there is something about your post I don’t understand.

I get that, but it’s a luxury a lot of people don’t have

Lots of people have luxuries that others don't have, surely that's not news to you?

Tell her no more petrol money and she's to use your car to transport the children from now on.

If you are paying personal expenses rather than expenses that are needed when the nanny is with your children, these are taxable benefits and need to be going through the payroll

I would get her to start recording the expenses for your children and providing you with receipts - then anything that is personal she either reimburses via her net pay, or you agree to pay but it is taxed