Nanny spending more than agreed on own expenses

[Saysomethingorwhatnot]

I’ve name changed for this as I post a lot in my usual name, and don’t want this linked to my other threads.

I am a single parent working full-time, and have a full-time live-out Nanny for my 3 primary school aged DC who does everything; childcare/activities/shopping/cooking/cleaning/washing/ironing/errands etc.

So that Nanny doesn’t need to constantly ask me for money to facilitate the above, I provide a bank card with a limited amount of cash available for her to spend on house/children related purchases.

I used to add £160 to Nanny’s monthly payslip to cover travelling round with the children (Nanny has own car), however I’ve recently bought a new car which Nanny knows she can use anytime (and actually Nanny does use my car regularly as I don’t at all during the week as I commute using trains).

A few months before I got my new car, Nanny asked if I could pay her the equivalent taxed cash (£30) on a weekly basis for petrol instead of through her monthly salary. I agreed as I know she struggles with managing her own money, and has asked me for advances at end of week 3/beginning of week 4 of a month a few times.

My bank has recently asked for my updated mobile details, and I’ve suddenly started receiving notifications. I received a bank notification today to say Nanny has spent the double the amount I advised she could spend on weekly petrol (so £60 instead of £30). Possibly because she was on annual leave one of the weeks, however my thought is that if she was on annual leave, she wasn’t ferrying the children around. Plus she has access to my car when with us, so I shouldn’t be paying her car expenses as well. I looked back through my bank statements and noticed she’d spent the same double amount (£60) a few times previously (either after annual leave or during school holidays).

I am a fair employer, paying a market rate salary, plus I give Nanny payslip bonuses and extra days off during the year. I can afford the extra amounts Nanny has spent on petrol as I earn a decent salary, however wondering whether I would be unreasonable to say no petrol expense except when with children and for only the agreed amount. It’s really quite sensitive, as she is very much part of our family, DC love her, and I couldn’t do what I do without her. Makes me feel I’m being petty to quibble over £30 here and there, but I must admit it has irked me. If general consensus is that I should leave it, then I will.

Grateful for any thoughts.

£30 per week is a lot of extra money!

What if she needs to reverse? Sorry, I’ll see myself out…

Never had a nanny. And will probably never be a position to afford one so not really sure if this would work at all.

But if you wanted to avoid that awkward conversation could you potentially consider a pre paid card for all the expenses at the agreed amount each week/month. I have literally no knowledge about how you agree expenses with a nanny and how they are paid but just a thought x

Bloody hell, you bought an electric car that you charge at home and you’re still paying £160 a week in petrol?! You’re mad OP.

Maybe use the environment as another reason why you want the nanny to use your car when you talk to her.

🤣🤣🤣 brilliant!

I trust her implicitly otherwise I wouldn’t leave my DC with her.

There are no additional amounts being deducted other than the extra petrol money, and can see what you have suggested is probably what Nanny has done, as I wouldn’t have deducted anything for holidays when the payments were going on her payslip.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor its not the 30 per week thats the problem its the 60 fill after a week off, having the allowance whilst kids are elsewhere for a week.

I am very confused, you used to pay her £160 a month expenses for the kids to ferry them around - but when you got your new car this stopped? And now instead she charges £30 a week of petrol to your card?
How much salary is she on?
I don't understand if I am honest why you don't just a) get her to always use your car never her car and b) put petrol in your car yourself and she won't need any petrol money?

I don't understand the payments going on her payslip. Is that usual ?

That's being polite about it!

OP I think it's fair enough to have a chat.

Just bare in mind fuel has risen in cost again and everything has risen! Did you increase the amount on the card along with inflation or increase her wage with inflation?

Ignore people who dig at you having a nanny help. Sounds like you are doing extremely well to provide for your family as a LP. It's just very likely when you have someone taking a lot of the house admin off of you you've not noticed just how much costs have risen?!

What a bizarre set of responses. OP

I agree.

Jealousy?

Have a chat. Tell her you would like her to use your car for work purposes now you have one. So no petrol on the cash card. If you can stretch to it, give her a small pay rise as you have been (at least sometimes intentionally) sharing the costs of running her car and now you don't want to any more.

I think that would be cleaner than sometimes she can/sometimes she can't fuel up on your bill. Or if you occasionally want her to use her car, ask her to record mileage and pay per mile.

If you need an excuse, you could say you want to be greener and use the electric car since you have one. Or your accountant queried the petrol payments or whatever.

Were you adding £160 to her payslip every month? Or reducing it for months where she had annual leave?

Well I would conclude it is not worth the hassle. I don't have experience in employing a nanny so my view may not help you reach your decision.

If she's like family at this point I'd just not beat around the bush and just ask her if she's struggling as you've noticed petrol amounts have gone up over the last few months and she sometimes asks for an advance

Make it clear she means so much to you and the kids and you'd hate the thought of her needing some support and not feeling like she should could speak to you about it - then go into business mode

Balance usually is best in these scenarios, such a difficult thing to approach!

A salary is paid 52 weeks of the year regardless of whether or not you work. You say you paid £160 a month. I imagine this amount didn’t change from month to month ie during any holiday time. Therefore it was given regardless of how many days she worked.

You have now agreed to pay £30 weekly. It sounds as if her expectation was that the same would hold for this £30 and she would receive it 52 weeks of the year.

For me, this is more likely a miscommunication between the two of you.

As you took so long to find her and are overall very satisfied and want to continue the relationship, I would let this one go.

If you want to make something more formal on this £30 a week, fine. I would then agree to pay x amount of her salary as cash and increase it so that she has the £30 after tax but that this increase reflects her travel to and from and that she must use your car from now on.

If you didn't reduce it when you paid it monthly, I don't see that she's done anything wrong. She views it as a part of her pay that she now gets weekly, rather than monthly.
Unless you've explicitly told her she won't be getting that £160 because she is to only use your car, how would she know?
I would consider the value she has in your life and whether it's worth potentially losing her over her taking the same amount she has always been paid.

As you say you look after your kids, presumably you don’t work.

Must be great being privileged enough to not need to work, especially when are struggling everywhere. I would re think who really is the entitled one here.

Well said

I had a similar situation, a nanny who became a friend and it was tricky to have these types of conversations.

I think you just need to be honest with her and say that you noticed that she's spending a bit more on fuel than you'd expected and you just wanted to understand is it that the £30 doesn't cover the costs these days or something else ?

It sounds like she works hard and you pay her fairly.

Is she using the debit card intended for household/child expenses for her fuel?

If she uses a random or variable amount of fuel how are you able to pay the right amount of tax?

I don't like the idea of her having access to your funds for her personal use. Her wages and allowances should be paid to her bank account. If you don't address it now it may escalate over time.

Why not tell her that you will stop the £30pm and ensure that your car always has petrol in?

Id let it go. Small amount to you and prob more meaningful to her. It sounds like you weren’t clear when you started the arrangement so I’d leave it now - as she is so valuable to you.

It is a fact universally acknowledged that when someone is feeling defensive and got at on social media, they use an excess of laughing emojis to try and prove how little they care.

I have a nanny. She gives me a receipt for any expenses and I reimburse her separately for those (they are not included on her payslip or part of her pay). Our nanny uses my car. She does have to drive to our house to get to work but I don’t pay her for travel time or reimburse her petrol for getting to work.

In your situation, I would just ask her to use your car from now on and let her know that you will no longer be reimbursing her for petrol.