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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's Colleague- Leg Pic.

532 replies

PeaceGoodMercutio · 04/09/2023 08:51

DH 38 was sent a holiday picture of very posed "sausage leg" type picture from female work colleague (late 50s). Right up to the bikini line. His response was "A bit jealous, but wait til I get to my room".
I think this reads a certain way.
What do you think?
For context, we were on holiday too in a very nice hotel that he had been bragging about to her in previous messages. He says he was just going to show her pics of our room.
He never did. Messages stop there.
My mum says it isn't suspicious and believes him as apparently pictures like this are common amongst her 50 year old friends.
My friend says it is suspicious as feck.

Aibu:
Yes- innocent messages.
No--suspicious messages.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
BadCider · 04/09/2023 18:55

Alarm bells would ring for me, too.

I've read the thread and I'd say keep listening to your gut, OP.

And if last time (lying) was his last chance - then that would be that, for me.

It's so inappropriate and the fact he can't see that just says it all - even if it is innocent, it's still disrespectful.

Daffodil18 · 04/09/2023 18:56

I had lots of things that didn’t add up for nearly 2 years. One being viagra and also it being in his car. I did eventually find undeniable proof so he had to admit it.

Sueveneers · 04/09/2023 18:57

Inkpotlover · 04/09/2023 17:45

Maybe because he's facing a serious HR issue at work thanks to OP lobbing a MN-sponsored grenade into their lives?

Show quote history

No it's due to his actions. Stop victim-blaming.

RandomForest · 04/09/2023 18:59

OP, I wonder why you didn't talk to sausage legs? What she has to say
might be enlightening. She might be mortified that she went too far and
wants to apologise profusely. She might be devastated that she got
your DH into such a state/trouble. Or not. You've just accepted what
people on here have said about damage limitation without any legitimate
reason to believe that is the case.

Why would she be devastated, it's a perfectly innocent picture that women send other men.
She should just laugh it off, show the picture arround, it's only a holiday snap, show her husband and kids tell them who she sent it to and the context arround it, I'm sure they'll believe her.

She has nothing to be worried about she did nothing wrong...

Or did she ?

**

DameCurlyBassey · 04/09/2023 19:03

RandomForest · 04/09/2023 18:59

OP, I wonder why you didn't talk to sausage legs? What she has to say
might be enlightening. She might be mortified that she went too far and
wants to apologise profusely. She might be devastated that she got
your DH into such a state/trouble. Or not. You've just accepted what
people on here have said about damage limitation without any legitimate
reason to believe that is the case.

Why would she be devastated, it's a perfectly innocent picture that women send other men.
She should just laugh it off, show the picture arround, it's only a holiday snap, show her husband and kids tell them who she sent it to and the context arround it, I'm sure they'll believe her.

She has nothing to be worried about she did nothing wrong...

Or did she ?

**

Sometimes a joke goes too far.

But op is in the middle of this. I’m not. so she has to follow her own conscience.

butterpuffed · 04/09/2023 19:04

52 is relatively young.

She's not early fifties though, OP said in her opening post that the colleague is Late fifties , so nudging 60 , surely that would make a difference to someone who's not yet 40 .

Inkpotlover · 04/09/2023 19:07

Sueveneers · 04/09/2023 18:57

No it's due to his actions. Stop victim-blaming.

Show quote history

As you can very well see, I posted that before OP's most recent update. I do wonder if she'll ever get concrete proof that he's had an affair with this colleague but if she's choosing to end her marriage over this then I wish her well.

Custardslices · 04/09/2023 19:11

Why is he running out a window crying if he's all innocent?

Why is she phoning you? She would find it funny and not see any issue if innocent.

They've been caught game up.

DameCurlyBassey · 04/09/2023 19:11

This reply has been deleted

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IClaudine · 04/09/2023 19:15

You may be right.

ZorbaTheHoarder · 04/09/2023 19:18

Hi OP,
You could say to DH, "Do you remember, you acted just like this when l found out about your financial lies? Interesting, isn't it?"
See what he says.

MrsColinRobinson · 04/09/2023 19:23

This reply has been deleted

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It's got to be hasn't it?

Trouble is the replies are genuine thoughts. Scary really.

Querypost · 04/09/2023 19:29

If it was innocent and really about the room, he would have said 'very fancy, but wait until I show you our room'. Wait til I get to my room is WHOLLY different.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 04/09/2023 19:33

This reply has been deleted

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Oh I said that pages ago

They work in education but DH could leave midday and OW could spend all day ringing OP?

borntobequiet · 04/09/2023 19:34

Their poor work colleagues, with all this going on. Whatever will they think?

Inkpotlover · 04/09/2023 19:37

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 04/09/2023 19:33

Oh I said that pages ago

They work in education but DH could leave midday and OW could spend all day ringing OP?

Show quote history

Lots of schools have inset days today, so her DH could feasibly leave if he said there was an emergency at home.

In fact, thinking about it, the fact they are presumably teachers makes it even more serious that the OP called the colleague's husband. If this goes further, it could become a disciplinary matter regarding a breach of teacher standards. That's not just her DH's job at risk but his entire career.

So actually, I hope it's bollocks too, because the alternative is so serious.

Duckswaddle · 04/09/2023 19:38

Just get rid. Lying tosser.

lapsedbookworm · 04/09/2023 19:38

Sueveneers · 04/09/2023 18:57

No it's due to his actions. Stop victim-blaming.

Show quote history

Exactly. He brought this on himself. They both did. Its wildly unprofessional.
I don't understand how people can't see what appropriate work place boundaries look like.

ŁadnaPogoda · 04/09/2023 19:40

Don’t discount an affair because of the age gap and she’s unattractive. There was a couple like that in my office. He was 40, she was mid 50s, overweight, no oil painting.His wife would not have believed that anything was going on.

whynotwhatknot · 04/09/2023 19:42

dont see what their age has to do with it-its inapproriate and now hes going ott thr4eatening to kill himself?

trust your gut as they say op

shinytings · 04/09/2023 19:45

Maybe I’m naive but just sounds like daft work banter to me. I wouldn’t be concerned

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 04/09/2023 19:46

I read it as he went to his room and sent her a dick pic. She's as good as sent him the female equivalent. I don't know if you can recover deleted things.

I'm sorry OP his reaction seems desperate and extreme like he's hiding something. I would not be happy about this, good for you telling her partner, I wonder what he makes of it.

sparkleshin · 04/09/2023 19:55

shes in her 50's her sex drive is probably non existent

Inkpotlover · 04/09/2023 19:59

sparkleshin · 04/09/2023 19:55

shes in her 50's her sex drive is probably non existent

That's right, once you hit 50 you never want to have sex again. 🙄

SeatonCarew · 04/09/2023 20:03

sparkleshin · 04/09/2023 19:55

shes in her 50's her sex drive is probably non existent

ODFOD. You've clearly no idea what you're talking about. and I'm sick of the casual, misogynistic ageism from so many on MN.

For once, I'm happy to hope that's a self fulfilling prophesy.

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