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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Son’s internet history is really weird. No idea what to do.

324 replies

Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:24

A few months back, when he first got his own iPad, I discovered my 11yo son had been looking up videos of something really really strange.

Firstly I apologise for not writing what it is here. I’m worried this post will come up when he searches for this topic again.

It’s nothing remotely illegal or adult or sexual or dangerous, just really really odd and definitely indicative of something very odd on his mind. Nothing to do with sexuality or gender either.

I’ve raised it with him before and asked (very calmly and non judgementally) why he looked that up so often and would he like to talk about it more. I said he wasn’t in any trouble at all but it was an unusual thing to be looking up. He was embarrassed and said no reason at all and refused to talk about it any further.

It stopped for a while but I’ve found a load more searches from the last few days.

As I say, it’s nothing ‘bad’ at all. It’s certainly within the parental controls I have on his iPad. If he’d only looked it up once or twice it wouldn’t be a concern at all, but he’s looking it up over and over again.

While I realise it’s hard to give advice when I’m not giving specifics, my question is more around how I talk to him about it again.

If he were a friend I’d want to say “dude this is really bloody weird. Why the F are you looking this up so much?” But I can’t say that to my child!

I’m a single parent so I can’t ask his dad to talk to him (it’s not a man related thing anyway).

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 03/09/2023 16:26

Without saying what it is, and I understand why you won’t, it’s hard to say. You’ve already tried and he wasn’t talking.

NoSquirrels · 03/09/2023 16:26

If you’re not willing to go into specifics, can you explain why his continuing to look up this particular thing bothers you? What is weird about it, if it’s not ‘bad’?

ThirdTimeLucky123 · 03/09/2023 16:26

It’s really hard to say without knowing what it is. If you type with spaces in between the letters it won’t come up in a google search I don’t think, for example
t a x i d e r m y.

namechanged221 · 03/09/2023 16:26

Is it something he's heard about at school or one of his friends has talked about? He could be misunderstanding the meaning and trying to get his head around this concept?

Worth speaking to his class teacher to raise a concern?

primoseyellow · 03/09/2023 16:27

I wouldn't bring it up again, its unlikely he will talk to you as he sounds embarrassed.

I would just keep things open and make sure he can talk to you if he wants, which it sounds like you do anyway.

BrawnWild · 03/09/2023 16:27

Why are you concerned? If it was knives you might be worried about bullying for example. You dont need to say here. But can you articulate your concerns to him or speak to a charity in that field about handling it?

LimeTreeGrove · 03/09/2023 16:27

Could you give an example of something that's different, but similar in oddness.

JMSA · 03/09/2023 16:28

It would be helpful for us to know what it is, if you feel able to share. It's unlikely anyone on here could identify him from that.

parietal · 03/09/2023 16:28

You've got to give us some idea of the level or type of weirdness. Weird because it is an odd interest (knitted model trains?) or stalking a particular person or what?

Make up a topic of the same level of weirdness for everyone to discuss

JMSA · 03/09/2023 16:28

LimeTreeGrove · 03/09/2023 16:27

Could you give an example of something that's different, but similar in oddness.

Yes, or even this.

AutumnalPumpkin · 03/09/2023 16:31

Yes I agree with other posters, without slightly more of an explanation we can't really understand nor advise.
Like PP said, maybe spelling it out like 't h i s'
Or like 'Th!$' may help for the thread not to show up in future searches.
OR something similar in comparison, so we can understand the level of oddness ?

BellaJuno · 03/09/2023 16:31

Could you ask him if there is someone else that he’d like to talk about this with? Is it something he’d feel more comfortable writing down rather than speaking to you about it?

BrawnWild · 03/09/2023 16:33

Or you could post what it actually is and then delete the thread.

SecondRow · 03/09/2023 16:34

Can you see what pages he visits after looking it up? Google account activity feed?

Or is he just looking at the page of search results and not clicking through?

Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:35

This is the best example I can give which is not actually anything to do with what he’s looking up, but maybe indicative of how it might be concerning:

Let’s say he was looking up “what it’s like to be an amputee”. But over and over and over again, over the course of about 5 months, to the extent it seems like an obsession.

OP posts:
Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:35

BrawnWild · 03/09/2023 16:33

Or you could post what it actually is and then delete the thread.

I’ve spoken to some people about it IRL so I’d prefer not to as it’s very identifying.

OP posts:
Nothingbuttheglory · 03/09/2023 16:35

I mean, if its not bad, can he make a career out of it?

Someone's got to be a taxidermist/whatever

Nothingbuttheglory · 03/09/2023 16:36

Could it be a somewhat niche anxiety?

FrazzledFirefly · 03/09/2023 16:37

Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:35

I’ve spoken to some people about it IRL so I’d prefer not to as it’s very identifying.

To be honest OP if you've spoken to people about it IRL they'll identify you now anyway whether you reveal the subject matter or not...

Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:38

Nothingbuttheglory · 03/09/2023 16:36

Could it be a somewhat niche anxiety?

This is what I’m worried about.

OP posts:
FrazzledFirefly · 03/09/2023 16:38

Though I appreciate they wouldn't deliberately find you by Subject searching

Ozgirl75 · 03/09/2023 16:39

Has he read a book or watched something with this particular issue in it and feels like he wants to know more?

Echobelly · 03/09/2023 16:39

Kids do get really obssessed with random and very specific stuff - oldest for a while (aged about 9-11) just went on and on about activities involving harnesses; climbing, zip wires, crate stacking, etc and was always looking at videos about them.

SaleOfTwoTitties · 03/09/2023 16:39

I wouldn't worry too much. It could be because of a book he read, a story he heard about etc.

You should see my search history just from looking up things from mumsnet threads!

2B2G · 03/09/2023 16:39

I am so intrigued.