Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son’s internet history is really weird. No idea what to do.

324 replies

Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:24

A few months back, when he first got his own iPad, I discovered my 11yo son had been looking up videos of something really really strange.

Firstly I apologise for not writing what it is here. I’m worried this post will come up when he searches for this topic again.

It’s nothing remotely illegal or adult or sexual or dangerous, just really really odd and definitely indicative of something very odd on his mind. Nothing to do with sexuality or gender either.

I’ve raised it with him before and asked (very calmly and non judgementally) why he looked that up so often and would he like to talk about it more. I said he wasn’t in any trouble at all but it was an unusual thing to be looking up. He was embarrassed and said no reason at all and refused to talk about it any further.

It stopped for a while but I’ve found a load more searches from the last few days.

As I say, it’s nothing ‘bad’ at all. It’s certainly within the parental controls I have on his iPad. If he’d only looked it up once or twice it wouldn’t be a concern at all, but he’s looking it up over and over again.

While I realise it’s hard to give advice when I’m not giving specifics, my question is more around how I talk to him about it again.

If he were a friend I’d want to say “dude this is really bloody weird. Why the F are you looking this up so much?” But I can’t say that to my child!

I’m a single parent so I can’t ask his dad to talk to him (it’s not a man related thing anyway).

OP posts:
2B2G · 03/09/2023 17:49

My 10 year old son told me he'd been looking up ancient sacrifices recently I thought it was fascinating

tolerable · 03/09/2023 17:51

Really not tryna push for details on precise search term. (Sprized you havent been lynched tarred n feathered for "not a man related thing"- like theres a single topic,EVER that isnt.!!!..)- that might be my warped humour thing ..so
Stickin with eg. Amputee.
Is it the same page hes repeat back to?
or working way down the "results" ..If you lookit search history does that reveal actual search term? if yes, is there any sort of variation in that? is it Blurb\general info ?images?
I dont know how or what stage becoming a specialist in amputee surgery evolves. I guess a bit more than mild curiosity has to feature at some stage.
Has son any other history of detailed curiosities? are you calling intrest weird as its....utterly random\way outwith any influence in your worlds or weird ......really uncomfortable concern that can be some kinda married to other little traits\actions\instances?

whirlygirly · 03/09/2023 17:51

This reminds me of a phase dis went through when we bought him one of those ripleys encyclopaedia of weird things books for Christmas. He got obsessed reading about with the family with 6 fingers.

I remember going in more than once when he'd fallen asleep and finding him asleep with the book open at that page.

We have just had a laugh at the memory. He's not still obsessed with the idea, thankfully

MyLordWizardKing · 03/09/2023 17:52

cloudsandream · 03/09/2023 17:36

I regret opening threads like these. This has to be like the 8th thread I’ve read this week where OP will post a thread that will definitely spark an interest in the majority and then not share what it is. What’s the point of MN anymore when everyone has this fear of being identified whilst leaving posters baffled. Almost feels bloody deliberate.

OP gave a (very reasonable) explanation as to why they didn't want to share the specific search terms in the opening paragraphs of their first post. Did you not read that far?

truthhurts23 · 03/09/2023 17:53

My own dd talks about morbid things, and she does it reptitively,
I took it as her showing a "keen interest" and although I'd rather her not talk about those things, they are still natural parts of life..

So instead of making the subject taboo, I allow her to talk about at home
I answer her questions, try and explain it all in kid friendly terms, to take the mystery out of the subject

I do ask her not to talk about it in public as some people might find it upsetting to hear,
so maybe you can take that approach,
Kids are very curious , I remember contemplating my own mortality when I was around 4 yrs old, afer I watched sleeping beauty

AmazingSnakeHead · 03/09/2023 17:54

No pressure to share, but it IS hard to advise without details. In your example I would worry that he has anxiety over this happening to him. But it could also be something connected in a way you can't see - like maybe a friend at school or their parents or siblings are "amputees" (or whatever it is), or perhaps a celebrity or influencer he admires is. Perhaps someone else at school is into it. Or perhaps it is a sexual thing, which would be worrying I guess depending on what it is.

Again hard to say without knowing what it is, but could you find ways of bringing it up naturally? E.g. try and segue on from sport to Olympics to Paralympics... . One thing that might shed light is to straight up ask him where he heard about it first.

When I was that age I was utterly obsessed with people who lived in places covered in ice all year round. Would read fiction about it, watch videos, draw pictures, trawl through Google images. I have no idea why, it didn't really reflect any particular desires to live in Alaska. If my parents had asked about it (which tbf they probably did) I wouldn't have anything to say because there really was no reason I could consciously identify. Perhaps your son's interest is like this. If you feel that it isn't, it might indicate that actually it is in some way a disturbing Interest (unlike being obsessed with Greenland, that really isn't "bad" by any stretch). I mean, if he was Searching "what killed the dinosaurs?" Again and again you wouldn't be worried, right? And in that case, you could identify what exactly about it is disturbing. For what it's worth, the amputee example would be disturbing to me, as its a consequence of violence / accidents/ etc. And hard to live with /adapt to.

Riverlee · 03/09/2023 17:55

I think you need to bite the bullet and have the conversation. Explain that it’s a peculiar thing for a n eleven year old to research. Stress that he’s not in trouble but ask why he’s looking at it. Is he anxious? Worried he’s got the condition? Knows someone with the condition?

Maybe do some research beforehand and research organisations that can help, so if he doesn’t want to talk to you, he can access help.

Ws2210 · 03/09/2023 17:56

I read another thread like this where the OP's son had been looking up things like philtrum length and maxilla recession and jaw growth...Turns out that's an incel community thing....hope that's not it?

Lambiriyani · 03/09/2023 17:57

@Flippersfriend Just tell us what Ur son is searching up in pig Latin

We can then reverse it. And this thread won't show Up in Google due to it being in pig Latin

Nonplusultra · 03/09/2023 17:59

I think I’d just treat it as a special interest and ask him some questions about it - not meta analysis of his interest but questions about the topic etc.

eg from your example “I don’t think I’ve ever known someone who was an amputee… I wonder what that’s like… “ and even a straight forward if you had to choose would you rather lose an arm or a leg.

Be curious about the topic with him- kids do get interested in odd things and listening and showing interest in whatever nonsense is filling their heads is the key to having open communication in their teens when it will really matter.

SpacePotato · 03/09/2023 18:00

Can you use parental controls to block certain words so he can no longer search for the specific topic?

Pieceofpurplesky · 03/09/2023 18:00

He will have seen videos on TikTok and become obsessed. Some kids do. As long as it is not something harmful, sexually deviant or cruel it should be ok

mnahmnah · 03/09/2023 18:01

Is there an influencer on tik tok or YouTube that is an ‘amputee’ that he has seen something of? Finds them inspiring and wants to know more?

I would have a Google myself to see why a boy his age might have ideas like this in the first place. He’s got it from somewhere.

Or, as PP previously said, the beginnings of a sexual fetishish. Sorry! I have an 11yo DS myself and would hate this thought too. But someone may Google lots about shoes, used shoes on eBay etc without others realising that there is a community of people out there who pay a lot of money for dirty shoes, due to a fetish

Toomanylaughs · 03/09/2023 18:01

Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:45

Hopefully it‘s nothing to worry about but it’s the extent of it and how long it’s been going on that’s odd.

Using the example I’ve given, it’d be multiple searches of videos of people who no legs, Googling what it’s like to have no legs, stories of people who’ve had accidents that have led to amputations, pictures of what famous people would look like if they didn’t have limbs.

(again, this isn’t actually what he’s looking up but I’m trying to explain the extent of it!)

It’s difficult to say as we don’t know but based on your example it sounds a bit like health anxiety /OCD.

Google wasn’t about when I was a younger but if it was I’m sure I’d have some weird search histories too in terms of repetitiveness and focus on niche topics.

goldenPot · 03/09/2023 18:02

Given his age and the fact that he was embarrassed when you asked about it, I’d say that there certainly a possibility that there is a sexual element to whatever he is searching. Has he ever had any experience of whatever it is he has searched for, that you’re aware of? Can you link any circumstance to the time when he first began searching for it? (Using your example, has he ever met an amputee, had he been watching an amputee on a TV programme, might he have overhead something?) Might he have seen a sexual ‘version’ of what he has googled on a friend’s phone? I think a PP advice about trying to watch some of the thing with him is good (even if it’s something mundane or something you’ve no interest in) - just say I’ve noticed you’ve been looking at a lot of this and I’m so intrigued as to what you find interesting about it. Let’s watch this together. See how he responds, ask him questions as though he’s an expert in the subject and see what he says. Normalise it by talking about it, regularly. I think I’d gauge my next steps on what his response is. If it’s a normal but niche interest, he’ll become happy to talk about it openly. If you’re still concerned, I’d consider getting some private advice from a health professional. You sounds like a good mum.

Notcontent · 03/09/2023 18:05

Bemyclementine · 03/09/2023 16:47

@Ozgirl75 @MidnightOnceMore yes, same, I had books - god knows where I got them from! With weird happenings like the spontaneous combustion. Also books about the yorkshire ripper and that sort of thing.

Yes, me too! I had some books about this kind of stuff, including photos, and was really obsessed with it!! 🤣

Sallyh87 · 03/09/2023 18:05

When I was in high schools (about 20 years ago!). There was a website called ‘rotten.com’ and it was loads of weird stuff like car crashes victims or gross stuff. There was a whole interest by my peers in looking at this site. Really weird looking back now. It’s probably just one of those things and he will move past it.

Beamur · 03/09/2023 18:08

Could it be linked to intrusive thoughts/OCD?
This can fixate on really inappropriate/taboo thoughts. More common in people who are ND but by no means exclusive.

AmazingSnakeHead · 03/09/2023 18:10

Just to say, be careful. I had a lovely ex boyfriend who as a shy animal loving teenager spent lots of time on animal interest groups. Anyway, as an adult he has a fetish for those weird cartoon anthro characters. By his own admission, the one just goes into the other online. In my opinion he was essentially groomed by people with that fetish, and slowly exposed to more and more of it until that's just what he's like now. The point is: even nonsexual obsessions can become sexual on the internet. Be careful!

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 03/09/2023 18:10

You know we can’t really help. You just have to face his embarrassment and talk. Do it on a walk or in the car if you want to make it less confrontational. But do it. And if that doesn’t help then talk to your gp.

TerfTalking · 03/09/2023 18:11

ElfieLea · 03/09/2023 16:44

With the amputee example I'd be thinking...Has he met someone who's an amputee. Is he worried he has a medical condition that would cause him to become an amputee. Has he developed a phobia to the point of OCD.Is he writing something with a character that's an amputee etc

I think I'd ask again but with more direct questions.

Well since DD is a Radiographer and has had experience of a patient with an amputee obsession over many years to the extent he cut his own arm off with a chain saw, I would be more than a bit concerned and you’re thinking wouldn’t be the same as mine.

I would be much happier knowing the OP used this as an example and it was completely unrelated.

InSpainTheRain · 03/09/2023 18:12

Could he have a friend affected by this thing he searches and is trying to find out how to help?

Sugarfree23 · 03/09/2023 18:13

Could it be he's just fascinated by how people cope with that particular disability.

The way armless people use their feet can be fascinating to watch.

But if its something like Dr Pimple Popper that's verging on a weird thing your never confess to watching but it's made it to mainstream TV

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 03/09/2023 18:14

I think it's very normal for kids to go through obsessive stages. If the internet had been around when I was that age, I dread to think what my search history would have looked like Grin

Onlinetherapist · 03/09/2023 18:14

Could he possibly be on the autistic spectrum? It’s quite common for people on the spectrum to have special interests (can seem to border on obsession) with seemingly random things. My own child, for example, was obsessed with the inside of crabs, church bells, watches, smart suits, sellotape, Julius Caesar to name but a few..Another autistic child I know was obsessed with hand driers and magnets. They do tend to repeatedly google whatever their interest is. Could this possibly be the case for your son?