Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son’s internet history is really weird. No idea what to do.

324 replies

Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:24

A few months back, when he first got his own iPad, I discovered my 11yo son had been looking up videos of something really really strange.

Firstly I apologise for not writing what it is here. I’m worried this post will come up when he searches for this topic again.

It’s nothing remotely illegal or adult or sexual or dangerous, just really really odd and definitely indicative of something very odd on his mind. Nothing to do with sexuality or gender either.

I’ve raised it with him before and asked (very calmly and non judgementally) why he looked that up so often and would he like to talk about it more. I said he wasn’t in any trouble at all but it was an unusual thing to be looking up. He was embarrassed and said no reason at all and refused to talk about it any further.

It stopped for a while but I’ve found a load more searches from the last few days.

As I say, it’s nothing ‘bad’ at all. It’s certainly within the parental controls I have on his iPad. If he’d only looked it up once or twice it wouldn’t be a concern at all, but he’s looking it up over and over again.

While I realise it’s hard to give advice when I’m not giving specifics, my question is more around how I talk to him about it again.

If he were a friend I’d want to say “dude this is really bloody weird. Why the F are you looking this up so much?” But I can’t say that to my child!

I’m a single parent so I can’t ask his dad to talk to him (it’s not a man related thing anyway).

OP posts:
MyLordWizardKing · 03/09/2023 17:15

The people pressuring OP to share what's actually been searched for need to give it a rest. They've explained their reasons for not sharing it. Even if they use spaces/draw a picture, that won't stop other posters from writing it normally, and we all know that "journalists" regularly lift content from MN so it could end up plastered all over the web.

MidnightOnceMore · 03/09/2023 17:16

MyLordWizardKing · 03/09/2023 17:15

The people pressuring OP to share what's actually been searched for need to give it a rest. They've explained their reasons for not sharing it. Even if they use spaces/draw a picture, that won't stop other posters from writing it normally, and we all know that "journalists" regularly lift content from MN so it could end up plastered all over the web.

Seconded. The OP has given enough context for us to comment meaningfully.

TheAloe · 03/09/2023 17:17

If it was SO weird then yes I would call him out and ask him why on Earth he kept searching it.

Gothambutnotahamster · 03/09/2023 17:17

IStandWithACrutch · 03/09/2023 16:56

That was around the age when I became obsessed with disasters. No internet back then but I’d devour tv news and newspapers to find out everything I could about plane crashes, ships sinking, fires etc.
I grew out of it.

This is me too plus I was obsessed with the sun burning out (we'd been taught in school how it would burn out in however many billions of years or whatever and I was convinced that was imminent regardless!) and if there had been the internet back then, then I would absolutely have googled.

Not sure if that's helpful but strange obsessions in and of themselves aren't too weird at that age - the internet just means they can now be indulged a lot more!

Ivebeentogeorgia · 03/09/2023 17:17

Can’t say without knowing what it is op. It’s pointless to ask for opinions with no details. You could elude to it so he doesn’t find this thread if he ever searches it again.

Original poster
Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 17:19

MyLordWizardKing · 03/09/2023 17:15

The people pressuring OP to share what's actually been searched for need to give it a rest. They've explained their reasons for not sharing it. Even if they use spaces/draw a picture, that won't stop other posters from writing it normally, and we all know that "journalists" regularly lift content from MN so it could end up plastered all over the web.

Thank you for this. I won’t be giving any more info and really appreciate the understanding.

Totally fine if people don’t want to comment!

OP posts:
SilverGlitterBaubles · 03/09/2023 17:20

I would just have a general chat with them today if they were worried or wanted to know about something it might be better to chat to you as sometimes how things are portrayed online can be misleading.

vibecheck · 03/09/2023 17:21

This does sound like maybe an OCD type thought pattern - I had them as a child around certain illnesses for example. If it’s a compulsion he has and he can’t explain it when you ask but seems to be getting agitated about it, I would maybe dig further and if needed take him to a gp. It took me till I was in my 20’s to get diagnosed!

DisquietintheRanks · 03/09/2023 17:22

If it's not illegal, or too adult or sexual or dangerous then why does it matter? 11 year olds don't need (and shouldn't have) full internet privacy but they should be allowed some privacy about what they think and feel.

Gatehouse77 · 03/09/2023 17:22

You could try asking about how it makes him feel to search/have the information he’s seeking and why the variation in the frequency. That might lead the discussion in another direction as a starter.

Deliana · 03/09/2023 17:22

Could it be ocd related?
My DC has obsessions related to religion, started quite young (well under 10)

BicOrange · 03/09/2023 17:22

Instead of asking him why, I'd join in with this interest, assuming it's nothing illegal.
It's only been a few months, you can see the questions he's asking and he's only 11, so unlikely to have a great search technique yet.
I've frequently gone down an internet rabbit hole or two in my time for no reason other than something piquing my interest, and would probably be a bit 😳 if someone where to be reviewing my search history.
Give the lad a hand to get answers to his questions.

blebb · 03/09/2023 17:24

Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 17:19

Thank you for this. I won’t be giving any more info and really appreciate the understanding.

Totally fine if people don’t want to comment!

Show quote history

If it is something to do with your body being impacted somehow (amputee, having a stoma, needing a breathing tube) I would be worried he's heard about it somewhere and is now anxiously obsessing.

I think opening the conversation again would be good - maybe along the lines of "when I was your age I got really worried about being burned after I saw a housefire on the news, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Do you sometimes feel that way about things?"

If it's not along these lines then not sure what to advise but maybe speak to someone in RL who you trust to disclose it to?

Willmafrockfit · 03/09/2023 17:24

can you move the thread to otbt
so it is not searchable?

Beezknees · 03/09/2023 17:24

My DS at a similar age went through a phase of looking up articles and videos on plane crashes. He saw something on the news about it and it became an anxiety for him. He's outgrown it now so I wouldn't worry too much. Have a chat with him.

Rudolphthefrog · 03/09/2023 17:25

One of mine is autistic, so maybe I just have a high tolerance for unusual fixations on very niche subjects (currently obsessed with different types of extractor fans), but do you actually need to get to the bottom of it or talk to him further?

If it’s not dodgy in some way and he’s otherwise a happy child doing well, why are you so bothered if he’s fascinated by being an amputee or the equivalent? Monitoring internet usage for bullying, harmful websites, age inappropriate stuff etc is completely reasonable but in an age where most information children get is from the internet (as opposed to looking it up in books or whatever) I think you have to allow them to explore weird topics without badgering about it. You’ve let him know you know and that you’re happy to talk, now I’d just leave him to it, while obviously continuing to monitor what he’s looking at.

blebb · 03/09/2023 17:27

well, why are you so bothered if he’s fascinated by being an amputee or the equivalent?

I think it depends if he's interested in it, and enjoys learning more about it, or whether he's heard/seen something that has disturbed him and this is a coping strategy @Rudolphthefrog

If the former, I totally agree!

CancelledActivity · 03/09/2023 17:28

I find medical stuff quite interesting and have gone down all sorts of internet rabbit holes over the years. None have ever been a source of anxiety or anything to worry about, just a slightly bizarre interest. If you don't have any other concerns I'd put it down to that. Perhaps he'll go on to have a medical career in some sense (I didn't but there were several I considered).

Original poster
Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 17:28

Rudolphthefrog · 03/09/2023 17:25

One of mine is autistic, so maybe I just have a high tolerance for unusual fixations on very niche subjects (currently obsessed with different types of extractor fans), but do you actually need to get to the bottom of it or talk to him further?

If it’s not dodgy in some way and he’s otherwise a happy child doing well, why are you so bothered if he’s fascinated by being an amputee or the equivalent? Monitoring internet usage for bullying, harmful websites, age inappropriate stuff etc is completely reasonable but in an age where most information children get is from the internet (as opposed to looking it up in books or whatever) I think you have to allow them to explore weird topics without badgering about it. You’ve let him know you know and that you’re happy to talk, now I’d just leave him to it, while obviously continuing to monitor what he’s looking at.

I think what is worrying me is the possibility that he wants to actually be an amputee (using my example), because he’d looked it up so extensively. At one point I had a nightmare that he was going to chop on of my legs off overnight (again, using the amputee example).

While I hope he isn’t having anxiety about it, that would be a slightly less bizarre reason to be looking it up so much.

OP posts:
Extremelycowgirl · 03/09/2023 17:29

I’s he happy generally? Doing well at school? Any other issues?

Namechangerererererer · 03/09/2023 17:30

Dd is much younger and can't Google yet, but went through a phase after Easter about crucifixion. She would bring it up every bedtime, asking questions about why and how. She's very empathetic and I think just trying to deal with the violence she didn't know existed (thanks school!) And the anxiety that someone suffered in that way.

Morbid curiosity is also a thing too. There's whole tv series dedicated to plane crashes for example. They wouldn't be made if no one watched

LaffTaff · 03/09/2023 17:31

I think all you can do is keep an eye on him, see if he develops any other strange fixations. I'd be worried too.

blebb · 03/09/2023 17:31

Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 17:28

I think what is worrying me is the possibility that he wants to actually be an amputee (using my example), because he’d looked it up so extensively. At one point I had a nightmare that he was going to chop on of my legs off overnight (again, using the amputee example).

While I hope he isn’t having anxiety about it, that would be a slightly less bizarre reason to be looking it up so much.

Show quote history

If that's the issue - that he seems to be seeing something disabling as wholly positive, then worth chatting about all the challenges of living as an amputee (equivalent)? Or finding someone on SM who talks honestly about it?

Do you have someone in RL who lives with a disability who could answer questions in realistic way?

Quizshowwife · 03/09/2023 17:32

MidnightOnceMore · 03/09/2023 16:45

Spontaneous combustion I was also fascinated by this, had a book with a story about it which I must have read 200 times.

Me too! My search history as a tween would’ve been so weird! Luckily it wasn’t to be in popular usage for another 15 or so years…

booksandbeans · 03/09/2023 17:33

He's 11 - this is when the eyes begin to open and they become much more curious about stuff you might consider weird. Yes, it may be repetitive but don't most teens play the same song again and again on repeat. It is just part of the growing up process. tbh I would just keep an eye on it and it may pass.

is this his first time exploring the internet without 'supervision' (again recognise there are parental controls) - that in itself is a learning curve.