Son’s internet history is really weird. No idea what to do.

[Flippersfriend]

A few months back, when he first got his own iPad, I discovered my 11yo son had been looking up videos of something really really strange.

Firstly I apologise for not writing what it is here. I’m worried this post will come up when he searches for this topic again.

It’s nothing remotely illegal or adult or sexual or dangerous, just really really odd and definitely indicative of something very odd on his mind. Nothing to do with sexuality or gender either.

I’ve raised it with him before and asked (very calmly and non judgementally) why he looked that up so often and would he like to talk about it more. I said he wasn’t in any trouble at all but it was an unusual thing to be looking up. He was embarrassed and said no reason at all and refused to talk about it any further.

It stopped for a while but I’ve found a load more searches from the last few days.

As I say, it’s nothing ‘bad’ at all. It’s certainly within the parental controls I have on his iPad. If he’d only looked it up once or twice it wouldn’t be a concern at all, but he’s looking it up over and over again.

While I realise it’s hard to give advice when I’m not giving specifics, my question is more around how I talk to him about it again.

If he were a friend I’d want to say “dude this is really bloody weird. Why the F are you looking this up so much?” But I can’t say that to my child!

I’m a single parent so I can’t ask his dad to talk to him (it’s not a man related thing anyway).

It sounds like a kind of fixation or obsession rather than anxiety or fear to me. The amputee example is an interesting one. It is a documented phenomenon that people develop a desire to become an amputee and some have even gone as far as to have healthy limbs amputated. They report a sense of needing to have the procedure(s) in order to, inversely, feel whole. This has also been observed in relation to blindness. I'm not sure if your DS's topic is at all related to anatomy or medicine but the above might be relevant. His interest in the area might not necessarily be damaging. I agree with PP that DC often become fixated on niche topics for periods of time. But I can understand your concern and I think it's something to keep an eye on for sure and see how it develops. I wouldn't push him too hard on it, it's obviously a sensitive point for him. Best wishes to you, you sound like a very caring parent.

As you site “amputee” as an example, Is it a disability of some kind op ? Perhaps he is struggling with growing up into a more independent person if so, and trying to imagine carrying on needing help or support. Particularly if he is about to start secondary, then he may want to stay “little” for longer.
I think exploring the reasons why he might be obsessing over this thing may help get to the bottom of it and shift it.

Kids fo really prefer a very narrow band of very similar content and will go over stuff repeatedly they're also easily drawn into conspiracy stuff

Just read some of your responses and not read the whole thread but could it be that he has watched/seen someone/something that has sparked the interest in this topic? x

Talk to a child psychiatrist.

When my kids do something bizarre that i want to talk to them about without making a BIG deal about it, i find random, casual moments to ask them.

So say.. DD has been googling amputees (using your example) and is sat playing a game at the table, and i'm doing the washing up, i'll be chatting to her about inane stuff, the game she's playing, whats interesting about it, then i'll just casually drop in THE questions "So along those lines, what is it about X that you find interesting?"

It means you're not directly challenging them, you're not making a THING about it, its conversational, and it gives them the space, without pressure, to answer, or not, the trick is not to push if they don't want to.

What you can then do, if they don't answer, is share your thoughts on it, again without being confrontational, and you can use something you're interested in as an addition to the conversation. "I only asked because i've been interested about Y lately and looking up stuff about it reminded me about your interesting in X, and i was just curious."

I think if I had access to google when I was 11 my google history would probably be concerning too. If it is a medical thing/injury/disability he is googling maybe he is generally interested? He maybe interested in medical things?

I think I became obsessed with medical things and accidents after seeing a road accident when I was about 7 years old, if I had google I probably would have been looking at all sorts of things.

I would try and talk to him again, ask him what interests him so much about what ever it is? But I wouldn’t make a huge deal about it. Hopefully it’s just something he wants to know more about/learn about rather than OCD or anxiety related.

I have fixations.

My current fixation is people in comas, especially those who are conscious and aware of what’s going on around them.

I spend lots of time thinking about it and reading up on it as I just find it fascinating.

There’s nothing weird or sexual about it and I’ll probably have a new interest/fixation next week.

I actually work with autistic children and notice similar traits but all of them who have fixations tend to stick with it for much longer than I do, so I’m not sure.

Your son could very possibly be similar to me and hears about something that’s different and just needs to know everything about it.

I would keep an eye on it but wouldn’t be too concerned just yet.
If it’s still happening in a few weeks time then it’s time to have a chat with him and perhaps take it further.

Kids are genuinely curious and because they have access to the internet they can look things up much easier.

When we were growing up we may have asked friends and family about it but they probably would have only known so much and we would have left it there.

He’s not been pretending he’s got a particular condition has he?
and is researching it for his act?
just a thought

Children can get obsessive about something, then they move on.. If it's not that bad and it doesnt looklike he'll harm himself watchful waiting is probably the way to go.

You could try getting him interested in something healthier so he has less time to search or in something related but less worrying - so for amputees maybe how athletes train for the invictus games.

Is it potentially something that your son is pretending he has to his school friends? So something like cancer, for example?

You've said it isn't anything bad or dangerous so if he doesn't want to talk about it I'm not sure what you can do.

My DD (who is autistic) had an obsession for a while about car crashes. The search history was of all the things you mentioned that your DS does with 'amputees' (barring celebrity example),

I didn't think she was weird, it was only because she'd watched something on a TV soap involving it then became fixated on it. Obviously I spoke to her about it and told her that I didn't think it was good for her happiness to be watching things that were upsetting, but ultimately she was clearly anxious over the thought it could happen so kept obsessing over it.

Not anymore, she moved on to something else.

If you're really worried then speak to the school about him speaking to a psychologist, but if it's just because you think 'it's weird' and he's embarrassed I'm not sure how helpful that will be overall.

Read all your posts...and it's hard to give advice if you don't share. However I'd bring it up with him and say you are not trying to be judgmental and not to shame him built you are trying to understand so you can support him. I'd ask - how does it make you feel before and after you've researched it ? Get him to describe the emotion best he can so you can get a sense of if it's anxiety, interest or bordering on obsession. I don't know where you go with it if its a weird obsession but I guess this is the start of understanding at least. Based on what u find you can then decide next steps... is it possible that many of us won't find it as weird as you do ?

Sounds like a fixation to me, my son who has ADHD and autistic traits tends to go all in if something has peaked his interest.

I think you will need to gauge the extent of it, ie might be more extreme if he’s actually watching medical procedure for example, you’ve already said it’s not violent or sexual.

11 year olds mind can be a very confused one, he may not know why he’s so interested.

Obviously if you are really worried then do ask a professional.

I imagine you are the same age as me, there were book shaped magazines with articles on spontaneous human combustion and all sorts of weird and wonderful things!

If you’re not going to say. Post on Reddit and after a day of comments delete the post. It will never appear on Google.

otherwise 😴 waste of a thread

My hunch exactly

So it's not gender, sexuality, illegal or executions: but it's similar/kind of like amputees. Severely disabled via a terrible accident? There are quite a few You Tubers who post about their life after a bad accident has left them quadriplegic. Autopsy photo's from accidents, that's another big YT thing? I tend to get interested in something then binge on it a while. It could be anything from an educational thing, a history thing, a crime thing, a decor You Tuber etc. It usually lasts a few weeks, then I'll find something else fascinating. It's a bit concerning he got very embarrassed & upset though. Maybe leave it & the interest will wane. If it's not harmful or illegal etc how weird can it be?

This please! Otherwise it’s not true.

I might be a bit concerned but I wouldn't rush to label or medicalise either. Creative people are often obsessive about strange things from an early age without it ever being problematic. It's just an active imagination. DS certainly was, and now he's all grown up and working in a highly creative profession. Still slightly obsessive about weird things. But it's his job now.

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OP. He might be perseverating. This is when someone gets stuck thinking about something and find it difficult to stop. Some of the young people I work with get quite distressed by their inability to stop thinking about and researching something, especially when the topic doesn't even interest or fascinate them. It is just something they can't stop thinking about.

Here is a link to a website that tells you about it: perseveration-adhd-and-learning-differences

Or maybe he interested in the science and engineering behind prosthetic limbs or wheelchairs ? Working in prosthetics and orthotics is a very interesting career.

I know that’s not what he’s actually researching but you get my drift.

I learned something new a couple of months ago there are people out there who cut body parts and they like it. From there I read a story about a man who cut his balls and willy off and fed it at a premium price at the restaurant he worked in. They all knew what they were eating and gave a critique after they finished their dinner. I had to stop reading after that I poisoned my mind. I would talk to him and maybe recommend seeing a therapist once a month to talk about his feelings.