Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son’s internet history is really weird. No idea what to do.

324 replies

Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:24

A few months back, when he first got his own iPad, I discovered my 11yo son had been looking up videos of something really really strange.

Firstly I apologise for not writing what it is here. I’m worried this post will come up when he searches for this topic again.

It’s nothing remotely illegal or adult or sexual or dangerous, just really really odd and definitely indicative of something very odd on his mind. Nothing to do with sexuality or gender either.

I’ve raised it with him before and asked (very calmly and non judgementally) why he looked that up so often and would he like to talk about it more. I said he wasn’t in any trouble at all but it was an unusual thing to be looking up. He was embarrassed and said no reason at all and refused to talk about it any further.

It stopped for a while but I’ve found a load more searches from the last few days.

As I say, it’s nothing ‘bad’ at all. It’s certainly within the parental controls I have on his iPad. If he’d only looked it up once or twice it wouldn’t be a concern at all, but he’s looking it up over and over again.

While I realise it’s hard to give advice when I’m not giving specifics, my question is more around how I talk to him about it again.

If he were a friend I’d want to say “dude this is really bloody weird. Why the F are you looking this up so much?” But I can’t say that to my child!

I’m a single parent so I can’t ask his dad to talk to him (it’s not a man related thing anyway).

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/09/2023 16:39

Is it horror films/murder stories?

Echobelly · 03/09/2023 16:41

NB, oldest was also obssessed with being a doctor or healthcare professiona; at around the same point and constantly looking up NHS stuff - at the time they used my laptop and because the NHS page came up on my landing page they actually changed the title of it to 'I'm not worried I'm ill I'm just interested in medical stuff' 😂

Turtlegurl888 · 03/09/2023 16:41

Tangentially, I remember hearing about the hiker who got stuck between two rocks and died when I was at school, and also about Helen Keller. Both things played on my juvenile mind endlessly, for months. It didnt scare me so much as worry/fascinate me. If I'd had access to the Internet back then, 100% I'd be googling. I agree with a pp it's likely to be am anxiety or morbid curiosity

Bemyclementine · 03/09/2023 16:42

I was interested in lots of peculiar things at that age. Spontaneous combustion. Serial killers. Had the internet been invented , I dread to think what I'd have come across!

AutumnalPumpkin · 03/09/2023 16:43

I mean without knowing the actual search.. I'd say it could be anxiety related.
I have awful health anxiety, and vividly remember regularly searching 'brain tumour symptoms' over and over again when I was about 11/12 years old.
I didn't want to speak to anybody about it either, as I irrationally thought this would be 'speaking it into existence'
Do you think it could be something like this OP?

Ozgirl75 · 03/09/2023 16:43

Bemyclementine · 03/09/2023 16:42

I was interested in lots of peculiar things at that age. Spontaneous combustion. Serial killers. Had the internet been invented , I dread to think what I'd have come across!

God me too - so much fascination about really odd stuff thinking back, things like tropical diseases, plane crashes, natural disasters. I’m perfectly jolly and normal as an adult!

MidnightOnceMore · 03/09/2023 16:44

I think what I would do, so long as it is not illegal, is stop asking him why he looks at it and take a look at it with him.

If my kid was looking at 'what it is like to be an amputee' I would be happy to share the finding out and say I am happy to help him answer any questions he has.

Kids do get peculiar interests and also peculiar worries. If it is a worry it is probably best if you look with him. You might be able to get a book that will explain more as Dr Google is notoriously rubbish at providing info.

ElfieLea · 03/09/2023 16:44

With the amputee example I'd be thinking...Has he met someone who's an amputee. Is he worried he has a medical condition that would cause him to become an amputee. Has he developed a phobia to the point of OCD.Is he writing something with a character that's an amputee etc

I think I'd ask again but with more direct questions.

MidnightOnceMore · 03/09/2023 16:45

Spontaneous combustion I was also fascinated by this, had a book with a story about it which I must have read 200 times.

BoohooWoohoo · 03/09/2023 16:45

Have you considered watching the videos that he's viewed?
Can you tell if he watched the whole video or watched a little then searched for it again? I'm wondering if the videos haven't answered his question because it's subjective so there are lots of answers or if the subject matter is too adult that he doesn't understand the explanations he's viewed. If you could look for the answer and explain it to him then he might stop searching for it ?

Original poster
Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:45

Hopefully it‘s nothing to worry about but it’s the extent of it and how long it’s been going on that’s odd.

Using the example I’ve given, it’d be multiple searches of videos of people who no legs, Googling what it’s like to have no legs, stories of people who’ve had accidents that have led to amputations, pictures of what famous people would look like if they didn’t have limbs.

(again, this isn’t actually what he’s looking up but I’m trying to explain the extent of it!)

OP posts:
MidnightOnceMore · 03/09/2023 16:46

In that case ask him to tell you in a conversational tone, ask him if he can show you one of the videos as you are interested.

HamishTheCamel · 03/09/2023 16:46

I think that a lot of people naturally have a morbid interest in some weird things. That's why true crime stuff is so popular. Eg for some reason I'm curious about school shootings and have read several books (fiction and non fiction) about them.

Bemyclementine · 03/09/2023 16:47

@Ozgirl75 @MidnightOnceMore yes, same, I had books - god knows where I got them from! With weird happenings like the spontaneous combustion. Also books about the yorkshire ripper and that sort of thing.

Octosaurus · 03/09/2023 16:50

Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:35

This is the best example I can give which is not actually anything to do with what he’s looking up, but maybe indicative of how it might be concerning:

Let’s say he was looking up “what it’s like to be an amputee”. But over and over and over again, over the course of about 5 months, to the extent it seems like an obsession.

Autistic obsession about something?

NDfamily · 03/09/2023 16:50

Is it the start of OCD? As a pre-internet child I used to have some odd rituals linked to bizarre obsessions. Now I have access to the internet, I do search compulsively as a result of unusual obsessions.

Ascendant15 · 03/09/2023 16:51

SaleOfTwoTitties · 03/09/2023 16:39

I wouldn't worry too much. It could be because of a book he read, a story he heard about etc.

You should see my search history just from looking up things from mumsnet threads!

I'd agree with you. You should see what my Google feed comes up with - anyone looking at that would think I am utterly weird. And the Op's problem might be that if she mentions it, that just piques his interest more, because he obviously knows she knows! If he was that bothered he'd hide his interest.

BoohooWoohoo · 03/09/2023 16:51

Maybe talk to him about what he's learned from his searches and let him know that you've looked up random stuff too. It might give him a sense of relief that you secretly read some Harry Styles fan fiction or asked ChatGPT to conjure up pictures of you doing something funny. Maybe you could lead a conversation on what you think life is like for an amputee. Even if he's too embarrassed to contribute, he might appreciate some ideas that you may have.

Original poster
Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:51

Octosaurus · 03/09/2023 16:50

Autistic obsession about something?

Show quote history

Not autism as far as I’m aware, no. He’s neurotypical.

OP posts:
FinanceLPlates · 03/09/2023 16:51

As you say, it’s really very difficult to express any opinion without at least an inkling of what he is searching for. Could you give a similar example if you don’t want to use the actual words he‘s using?

Original poster
Flippersfriend · 03/09/2023 16:52

FinanceLPlates · 03/09/2023 16:51

As you say, it’s really very difficult to express any opinion without at least an inkling of what he is searching for. Could you give a similar example if you don’t want to use the actual words he‘s using?

I have! Look for my other posts in this thread.

OP posts:
NDfamily · 03/09/2023 16:53

Bemyclementine · 03/09/2023 16:42

I was interested in lots of peculiar things at that age. Spontaneous combustion. Serial killers. Had the internet been invented , I dread to think what I'd have come across!

But also this, I had lots of healthy non OCD "obsessions"

AutumnalPumpkin · 03/09/2023 16:53

Just a general question to help better understand - if a friend told you they'd been searching this / or are interested in this, would it seem as odd to you ? Or is it due to his age etc, that you find it strange ?

GameOverBoys · 03/09/2023 16:53

I would seek professional help, if you can afford it. What might be a weird curiosity now, could turn into something that could impact on him negatively in the future.

SpringViolet · 03/09/2023 16:54

ElfieLea · 03/09/2023 16:44

With the amputee example I'd be thinking...Has he met someone who's an amputee. Is he worried he has a medical condition that would cause him to become an amputee. Has he developed a phobia to the point of OCD.Is he writing something with a character that's an amputee etc

I think I'd ask again but with more direct questions.

Is the content he’s looking up medical related? If so I too would be wondering if he has some anxiety about having a medical condition? Or if it’s not medical, it’s obviously something that’s on his mind and something he could be worried about or struggling to understand?