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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike my own child?

247 replies

Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 20:52

Horrible, horrible thing to say and the issue lies with me not him.

But … so much of his behaviour really triggers me and brings out the worst in me.

Tell him not to do something and he finds it hilarious, absolutely roars with laughter and does it again and again and again …

Obsessed with taking his clothes off and running around naked (he is 2) I really don’t like it. It’s unhygienic and I just find it uncomfortable generally.

It’s impossible to talk with him, I’m never sure how much he understands as I get nothing back. Maybe a bit ambitious but I kind of thought we’d have a basic conversation at this age. But he just repeats things endlessly, like he’ll demand a biscuit. I’ll say nicely well I don’t have a biscuit but you can have one at home. He just endlessly repeats biscuit, biscuit, it gets so tiring.

A lot of his behaviour is just so irritating and stupid, things like leaning against me and not taking his weight when getting dressed, biting down on the toothbrush when teeth cleaning so I can’t do it.

I know it’s me not him but I’m constantly having to swallow down this massive annoyance and anger.

OP posts:
Totaly · 02/09/2023 20:54

You need to switch off from a lot of it. Do you get any breaks?

Stripeypyjamas · 02/09/2023 20:59

I get you, I think some basic strategies might help. Laughing at you telling him off gets more attention so you could explain once that he is not to do it and then turn your back and ignore him if he continues.

The naked thing will pass. My DS responds well to competition, so "last one without pants on is a potato!" Or something silly can help move things along.

I find with constant repeating it works just to change the topic completely onto something silly. "I want a biscuit I want a biscuit" can be met with "I want a cake with a pink elephant and a stripey tiger on it"

VivaVivaa · 02/09/2023 20:59

Sounds like standard 2 yo behaviour. Which is good in a sense as it isn’t him you don’t like, it’s this phase. Parenting toddlers is hard work and lots of people don’t like it. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just get though it like any other phase you don’t like. And find time for breaks - are you a SAHM?

Original poster
Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 21:01

@Stripeypyjamas believe me there is not a strategy I have not read up on. Nothing works: he gives no fucks at all. If I get really angry he cries but obviously that’s not really great … wish I could claim it’s never happened but it has. I do try hard not to though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 21:01

Thanks @VivaVivaa . I’m not even a SAHM so can’t use that as an excuse. I do think the main problem is poor communication on both sides probably.

OP posts:
Andthereyougo · 02/09/2023 21:01

He’s 2 and 2 year olds are sooo annoying. I’d have had another child if I could’ve given birth to a baby that went from 6 months to 4 years overnight.
Don’t take it personally, and zone out from a lot of it. Ignore him taking his clothes off, he’ll get bored of that soon.
Repetition, try distraction. From look at that bird to omg a dinosaur!

Hufflepods · 02/09/2023 21:03

This just sounds like completely normal 2 year old behaviour. Have you never been around children before having him?

Original poster
Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 21:04

Frankly no @Hufflepods .

OP posts:
Shlr · 02/09/2023 21:04

I totally hear you, it can be mind numbingly frustrating dealing with these little people. I sometimes feel the same way about my daughter. Of course not her fault and she is wonderful and I love her so much BUT my gosh it can be hard getting through the day without losing it sometimes!!

She is 4 now and a LOT easier, so hang in there and you will like your son.

The advice above is good. I am a SAHM, not sure about you, but it is really hard when you're around them 24/7 with no breaks.

Original poster
Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 21:05

And the taking clothes off … well, ignoring makes no difference. I think this is what I mean with the strategies. So I’ll google something and websites like the nhs one or the BBCs tiny happy people will recommend something and it will never work for us because he doesn’t really talk to me or show me he understands me though I feel he does.

OP posts:
wetpebbles · 02/09/2023 21:06

I agree that ages 2 and 3 are a battle of wills

thehonscupboard · 02/09/2023 21:06

Solidarity from a two year old toddler owner. Most of the time I really love my one but.. sometimes...

I kept seeing people on here recommend How to Talk so Kids Will Listen. Read a bit in desperation and it's actually been a massive help already even though am only a few pages in. It's amazing how some relatively minor changes in the way me and my DH talk to DC have had such a big impact on behaviour.

Our dentist advised that a smear of tooth urge is all that's needed at this age not pea sized, and said should help with chewing. There's a ton of how to brush your teeth videos which have helped us a bit.

Skinthin · 02/09/2023 21:07

Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 21:01

Thanks @VivaVivaa . I’m not even a SAHM so can’t use that as an excuse. I do think the main problem is poor communication on both sides probably.

OP he’s 2!!! 🥴🥴🥴

cheezncrackers · 02/09/2023 21:08

YANBU - small DC are extremely irritating a lot of the time!

Oysterbabe · 02/09/2023 21:09

Don't worry about it, virtually everyone hates their kids on here.

Shlr · 02/09/2023 21:09

Oh sorry just read more on the thread, you're not a SAHM. It is just a really annoying phase, don't feel guilty.

I think you're kind of right about poor communication on both sides, but unfortunately you can't actually expect that to improve very quickly because he's so little. So communication is going to be poor for a while. It might be a case of managing your own expectations about what communication he's capable of? Good luck!

Hope54321 · 02/09/2023 21:09

He sounds just like my 2 year old. So i feel exactly what you are going through. We have tantrums all day over anything and everything. I use to take him out everyday, but now that’s a struggle as he no longer listens to instructions and does his own thing, has massive tantrums outside and has to be manhandled to bring him back home. That’s quite difficult to do whilst pushing a buggy at the same time. I’m holding onto the thought that this is just a phase and it will eventually pass.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/09/2023 21:10

I agree you hate the stage - maybe not the child- he’s a normal 2 yr old- his personality will come through closer to 3-3.5

Skinthin · 02/09/2023 21:10

Skinthin · 02/09/2023 21:07

OP he’s 2!!! 🥴🥴🥴

Show quote history

Sorry I meant to quote this:

the main problem is poor communication on both sides probably.

Two year olds are annoying and hard work, but I find your attitude a bit baffling tbh. You do understand that 2 year olds have extremely limited interpersonal and communication skills?

Noorandapples · 02/09/2023 21:10

I think you need to lower your expectations dramatically

LuisaF · 02/09/2023 21:10

Terrible 2s! And 3s! Hang on in there x

Original poster
Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 21:11

I read how to talk so kids will listen. Either I have a child with serious developmental delays or it’s for children way older than mine, or somewhere in between. There are useful tips but they rely on the child being verbal and able to have a two way conversation.

OP posts:
Hufflepods · 02/09/2023 21:12

I don’t mean to be patronising but I think
you need to do some reading on developmental normals for children. At times It can be hard and more testing but it seems like a lot of your issues would be solved by having more age appropriate expectations. At 2 of course he’s going to mess about while getting dressed, or bite the toothbrush, or repeat things.

FeedMeTiramisu · 02/09/2023 21:12

So you started a thread to say you dislike your son and are constantly having to swallow down annoyance and anger because he's 2 and behaving like a 2 year old?

LadyMadderLake · 02/09/2023 21:13

Oh god the leaning. I have never heard anyone else mention it before but my DS used to do it loads around that age and it drove me insane. Just leaning on me when I tried to get him dressed or do anything really. And then my DD came along and she would always lean on me when I was trying to cook or do stuff in the kitchen. Aargh!

It dos all sound normal. They're realising you're not actually totally in control of them and they can run off, not do what you say, laugh in your face etc.

Pasta jar worked well for DS. Small jar, put a piece of dry pasta in for any good behaviour or achievement even if it's just doing something without a fuss or listening to you. Make a big deal about it and give him the pasta to put in. When it's full he can choose a treat, like a little toy, ice cream or whatever. (Obviously you have to calculate it so this isn't happening all the time and is within your means. If he cares, you can also take a piece of pasta out if he's really deliberately misbehaving, but make this much less often.

I also used to use reverse psychology. I would tell him there was a new rule that everyone has to go to bed with no pyjamas on. He'd put them on and get into bed very pleased with himself Hmm