To dislike my own child?

[Toohottonight]

Horrible, horrible thing to say and the issue lies with me not him.

But … so much of his behaviour really triggers me and brings out the worst in me.

Tell him not to do something and he finds it hilarious, absolutely roars with laughter and does it again and again and again …

Obsessed with taking his clothes off and running around naked (he is 2) I really don’t like it. It’s unhygienic and I just find it uncomfortable generally.

It’s impossible to talk with him, I’m never sure how much he understands as I get nothing back. Maybe a bit ambitious but I kind of thought we’d have a basic conversation at this age. But he just repeats things endlessly, like he’ll demand a biscuit. I’ll say nicely well I don’t have a biscuit but you can have one at home. He just endlessly repeats biscuit, biscuit, it gets so tiring.

A lot of his behaviour is just so irritating and stupid, things like leaning against me and not taking his weight when getting dressed, biting down on the toothbrush when teeth cleaning so I can’t do it.

I know it’s me not him but I’m constantly having to swallow down this massive annoyance and anger.

Op you are finding it difficult to communicate with your ds but imagine how difficult it is for him to communicate with you. He has only been in the world two years, it will take him years to learn. He wants a biscuit, sometimes you give him a biscuit so he keeps asking, he doesn't understand why sometimes it's biscuit time and sometimes it's not. 2 year olds dont draw, they scribble, he certainly wouldn't be capable of drawing something that conveys his feelings. He doesn't understand that people don't run around without clothes, or that they don't poo/wee on the floor, so he doesn't care. As a pp said, he is a mobile baby. Perhaps his development is behind, there is no way for anyone on here to know but while his behaviour sounds perfectly normal, your reaction to it does not. You don't need parenting advice, you need to talk to someone about your feelings and expectations around being a parent.

If other people have no problem with their floor being weed on and pooed on then fair enough. I am afraid I really don’t like it.

Comments like this just make it seem like
you have a very particular and somewhat off perspective of things though.
I don’t think anyone would suggest it’s normal or fine to just have your house weed and poo’d on, but equally most people will have had accidents with their toddler at home… it’s not abnormal.

Is he meeting milestones? How's his communication generally?

I think if you find it that irritating (and yes it is irritating) then the best thing to try is to ignore (and quietly seethe) / let it wash over you. He'll grow up and at least you won't feel regret that you spent too much time yelling. Yes it's not loving / gentle parenting but it's less damaging than shouting all the time. On a bad day you'll find you end of saying very little at all!!

Next time you’re folding clothes or making dinner - highly recommend having a listen to Janet Lansbury, unruffled podcast. Genuinely helped me reframe my thinking about certain behaviours

If other people have no problem with their floor being weed on and pooed on then fair enough. I am afraid I really don’t like it.

I don't think anyone likes it but, as I'm sure you're aware, it's fairly common with this age group. It will pass though so, like a lot of 2yo behaviour, it's just a case of hanging in there in the meantime.

I think it's a good idea to seek a developmental check in case there are any deeper issues, but everyone has parenting stages which they dislike. I'm not hugely fond of parenting babies for instance and have found the whiny 4-8 month stage when my baby wants to do lots of things but can't quite difficult. Now that my DC is on the move and can do stuff and play with toys, I actually find it a lot easier.

Wowee it would be fab if leaving the room for a few seconds would help. I have to actually lock myself in my home office if she's really disregulated. And take my dinner if she's spitting in it.

See: different

Wee and poo in unfortunate places is an integral part of parenting toddlers. It just is. You have to lower your standards a bit, have lots of cleaning wipes to hand and accept that life is going to be messy for a while. Running around with nothing on is so normal for toddlers! They all love it. I worry about the message he is getting that mummy disapproves of his naked body and thinks he's dirty.

I agree that the lack of meaningful communication is the most frustrating thing about this age. It's a small window when they are mobile enough to cause havoc and still not developed enough to be reasoned with. It gets better.

No one likes wee and poo on the floor, but it just happens with young kids from time to time. DD2 escaped during a nappy change yesterday and widdled on my husband's office floor before I could catch her. I didn't feel angry or rage, I just got the carpet cleaner out and dealt with it. It took a couple of minutes.

It's all about perspective, really.

The big thing with small kids is to not sweat the small stuff. Toddlers are maniacs, but you need to have a sense of humour to deal with them. You have to learn to laugh at some of the stuff they do and realise that a lot of it doesn't actually matter. Not really.

It’s easy to know what’s normal. Hang out with a variety of children the same age - go to a toddler group. A rhyme time. Go to a soft play.

you don’t want to be told to lower your expectations but it’s exactly what you need to do. There’s a reason that dozens of people have told you this! Stop being combative to useful advice.

I have no intention of talking to anyone about how I am feeling. I mean. Sorry to be blunt but this thread hasn’t exactly been helpful, has it? I don’t really want round 2 of lowering expectations and have you read this and boundaries.

@VivaVivaa he strings several words together but it’s generally not in context. So ‘did you draw a picture at nursery?’ ‘Daddy’s at work.’ Prob normal but it’s almost like two different conversations. Anyway, in a sense it almost doesn’t matter. I do appreciate his good points but I have been honest that some of his behaviour really brings out a side of me I don’t like. That’s what I’m about here, trying to change me, not him. But the endless advice that I really don’t want and the repetition of lowering my (nil!) expectations is hard going.

What expectations do people think I have?

I expect not to be understood. I expect to be ignored. I expect that there will be conflict. I expect that we can’t talk to one another.

What’s too high about that? Not being an arse, I honestly don’t know where I’m expecting too much.

Please read my other post. I don’t think that communication is “normal”. He sounds like he has traits of autism. How old is he? If he is closer to 3 I think other posters might me more sympathetic.

This is exactly it, so well put.

Also I do have sympathy OP because a lot of the books, podcasts , instagram accounts set up by gentle parenting gurus are full of completely useless and trite advice. The fact is that small children are incredibly challenging and there’s no simple script or exercise or strategy that can make them conform or be less annoying and difficult than they developmentally are. Parenting small children is one long, hard, triggering slog, but it will get easier (so I am told!! I still find my four year old somewhat impossible).

Have no advice, just came to offer solidarity as I could have written this post. Just this afternoon while my 22mo was staring me in the face while slapping me I was thinking "I really don't like this little shit".

3 in November.

What’s happening with the wee and poo? Is he potty trained and deliberately going on the floor? Or are you attempting to potty train and he’s having lots of accidents (in which case you may want to rethink whether he’s ready to potty train)?

It also sounds like you aren’t adaptive to children - and like you didn’t know what you were getting yourself in for by having a child?
You don’t like wee and poo on the floor? It’s part of the parcel of parenthood. You don’t like that your child doesn’t listen sometimes? It’s part of the parcel of parenthood. You don’t like that you can’t control your toddler at all times and stop him taking his clothes off?

im bemused what you expected being a parent would be? A child that does exactly as it’s told and is seen but not heard!

You asked for advice, you got advice but you don’t want to acknowledge the advice you’ve been given because it’s not what you want to hear. That’s your choice.

Seems like you’ve got a lot of issues to work through.

@Skinthin its really hard to communicate this nicely but you keep coming back to the thread and telling me how wrong I am. I KNOW. Please, will you stop it? I do know I am shite at all this but you endlessly telling me this is not helpful at all.

DS used to be very violent @HelterSkelter224 .
it’s bloody horrible. He still kicks me sometimes but most of the hair pulling and face twisting and punching has stopped. mostly. So that’s something.

What do you want from this post? You seem to be getting more and more frustrated and angry. What is it that you need?

I was like you, and in your place 33 years ago OP , I get where you are coming from. I seriously Dont didn't get the mum's who gushed over their little darling. I found toddler and young children behaviour awkward and cringy. I found myself irrationally irritated by it. It wasn't the kids it was my lack of experience with children, I now suspect I may have some level of ND myself, and DS1 was actually diagnosed as an adult. It explains an awful lot, believe me!
I still avoid being around small kids and prefer my Ddog 😁 far less irritating!

It's fine not to be a toddler person. Personally I think there's nothing cuter than a 2yo whereas babies are just giant boring potatoes. But it's fine not to like them. Maybe just fake it, try to get a break sometimes if you can and mark off the passing days in the knowledge that it won't last forever?

Oh please dont. You can’t possibly diagnose autism based on the info on this thread. It’s perfectly normal for a two year old to have their own “agenda” in a conversation and to respond to questions with a non sequitur. Daddy at work might be what’s interesting to him and on his mind in that moment.
yes, OP’s son might be autistic, or have a developmental delay, no one on here can say one way or another, but nothing op has described is exceptional at 2.

OP-your lookin at it wrong. Remember- He has NOT read any of the books. Naked is a phase sometimes- can he maybe wear a tshirt(of yours)so he still feels "free"-or a dressing gown. put his shorts on his head and socks on his hands..let him giggle n shhow you how to do it..tell him hes a big boy today and..big boys choose a tshirt- give him THAT as the choice.(wearing clothes not the option).., ..To be fair-if you think its hard to communicate-and you are verbal-how do you think he feels.At 2 -attention good\bad is still attention. SING. its annoying but ..This is the way we -do wtf i say-repeatedly. praise praise praise.