To dislike my own child?

[Toohottonight]

Horrible, horrible thing to say and the issue lies with me not him.

But … so much of his behaviour really triggers me and brings out the worst in me.

Tell him not to do something and he finds it hilarious, absolutely roars with laughter and does it again and again and again …

Obsessed with taking his clothes off and running around naked (he is 2) I really don’t like it. It’s unhygienic and I just find it uncomfortable generally.

It’s impossible to talk with him, I’m never sure how much he understands as I get nothing back. Maybe a bit ambitious but I kind of thought we’d have a basic conversation at this age. But he just repeats things endlessly, like he’ll demand a biscuit. I’ll say nicely well I don’t have a biscuit but you can have one at home. He just endlessly repeats biscuit, biscuit, it gets so tiring.

A lot of his behaviour is just so irritating and stupid, things like leaning against me and not taking his weight when getting dressed, biting down on the toothbrush when teeth cleaning so I can’t do it.

I know it’s me not him but I’m constantly having to swallow down this massive annoyance and anger.

I don’t want advice actually @s4usagefingers . Sorry but I don’t. I’m not interested because it doesn’t work. I haven’t asked for it and I don’t want it. What I do want is to share these feelings as I don’t choose to have them. They just are there, they appear, they are visceral not logical. I wish I could suddenly see shit on the floor as hilarious but I can’t. I don’t react to it, but I do have an inward reaction when he removes his nappy and pants that I don’t like, but my not liking it doesn’t mean I don’t have it.

I'd maybe speak to HV, OP. The off-topic/one-sided nature of his conversation rings some alarm bells for me and might be an idea to check that his speech and understanding are on par with where he should be.

This book is for older children. Like primary age to teenagers.

You kid is 2.

I think tbh you need to read about child development. He sounds like a typical 2 year old and your expectations are really not in line with his developmental stage and it's causing you to have these feelings of frustration. You are expecting far to much of him.

Also pick your battles. Honestly a 2 year old being naked isn't that unhygienic.

I’m not really interested in involving Hvs, thanks all the same.

My DD at that age also loved to take off all her clothes. Her grandparents' house had a long corridor and her favourite thing was to take all her clothes off and 'streak' down the corridor. 😂 Grandparents are from a fairly conservative country and were mildly uncomfortable with it, but of course, it passed and I'm probably the only person that remembers.

Sorry gonna say it and i dont care how it comes across get a grip .
Its hard work bloody hard work but hes 2 /24 months hes still a baby IMO.
Toddlers have to learn every thing and you cant just say something and think he will understand it hes a baby .
Pee and Poo on the floor is part of being a mum at this stage sorry but im not gonna sugar coat . But it will get better .
All mums on here tonight even me have had our low points and i dont think one of us has enjoyed cleaning up shit but we do because we`re mums and we choose to have children .

I’m sorry for upsetting you , i really am; but I don’t understand how you got I “keep telling you how wrong you are” from that last post. I think I was trying to agree with you, that podcasts, instagram and books are unhelpful and the strategies don’t work. I was also trying to express sympathy for what you are going through x

Fair enough, but please do keep an eye on his speech development and understanding and whether he's meeting milestones there. Some of the stuff you've said sounds like he may not be.

It's not for you. It's for your child, to make sure he's at where he needs to be at. A lot of his behaviour sounds like it's because he doesn't understand what's being asked of him and your negative reactions have fed him into a cycle of playing up for a (negative) reaction. So although as you say the problem is you, it's not actually about you. You need a professional opinion on whether your son's development is on track.

Also: FWIW you sound like me before I was diagnosed ND. It's hard fucking work working against yourself all the time.

Try to be kind to yourself and treat this slowly, initially with self work to try to feel calmer and positive in the face of the challenging behaviours.

I have experience though I wouldn't choose to go into details here, in some of the things you describe and they can really really test patience. It would be hard to know what can be neuro diversity and what could be a young child pushing boundaries, but the more you find methods in calmness the more you will treat the situations with calm, and hopefully instill that in him.

The laughing when doing something they shouldnt - in ND child it can be an involuntary inappropriate reaction sometimes triggered by anxiety when told off, sometimes a habit that is built, and in NT it can be a rebellion and enjoyment at the attention/reaction. Not reacting at all assists with both, I would recommend doing something simple distract, calm, and final step create a positive experience. Example with teeth, biting/wriggling/refusing, simple language like 'carrot in tooth needs to come out' and then name a few other foods he's eaten that day while brushing and making him think you're getting them out of the teeth. But ignoring any laughing/wriggling etc. goal - if you're still and let me brush then we are playing a game of getting the food from the teeth (sound effects and face pulling/exaggerated excitement if he's being really good). The more you rebel the more I ignore, the more you stay still the more I chat to, give attention to, have fun with. Try to use the same game each time with whatever works, children who are in a stage of repeating a lot are processing and learning by repetition, so following the same method over and over (and bloody over) helps them to know what to expect and find routine

For your own mental health try to 1 - take breaks and let anyone else have him for periods, and 2 - try to find time to write down what happened that was positive, 3 items a day. Can relate to child or to other things. But I do find this helps and that you can also look back on it and 'see' your positives and the things you've enjoyed when times are hard

So anyway - best to go to bed, and forget about the whole thing. I wish people could understand that when you have a feeling you don’t choose it. You can choose how you act on those feelings but it doesn’t make the feelings go away.

He has many brilliant qualities. I acknowledge them and I appreciate them. But equally I can’t pretend I like all his behaviour and that some of his behaviour doesn’t really affect me in a negative way. I’m being honest here as I can’t in RL. Everyone thinks I adore him and I sort of do and yet I hate his behaviour.

OP, this has become a really frustrating thread because you say "what expectations do I have? I have zero expectations" but then in the next breath you talk about expecting your toddler to be able to engage in conversations, control his emotions and moderate his responses to things.

Multiple people have told you that your child's behaviour is entirely normal but that your behaviour and your emotional responses are not normal. It's not what you want to hear and I'm sorry its hard to hear but it's also the truth.

It’s not my problem if you’re frustrated @eastiseastwestiswest . Hide the thread if it’s frustrating you, or don’t comment on it. I’m not here to make you non frustrated, sorry and all.

Well the ball is in your court OP. Many people have had the exact same takeaway from your posts. It’s clear you either need to reframe your thinking and /or speak to a professional about this. But you don’t want to change, yly
dont want advice, you dont want to listen to anything. In the meantime your child has a parent who hates them most of the time and seems pretty emotionally checked out. It’s not beneficial for either of you.

OP I think you're getting a really hard time

For almost 3 I would expect some contextual response to questions, especially simple ones like do you want beans (I'd expect a NO though even if I knew he loved beans, at that age I wouldn't be asking what they wanted for tea) but replying yes, daddy's at work, do you want some beans? Would probably invoke a response to my question.

Do you have any support from family, friends or a partner? You sound so ground down and sad, I know you said you don't want to speak to the HV but if you don't think your child is meeting milestones for his age they could help, and give you some support.

Two year olds are not known for being sunshine and rainbows and it's a stage that needs to be got through but that doesn't mean you can't ask for help when you're in the thick of it.

I think if I'd tried to draw up a plan with my son at aged two he probably would have eaten it. Then taken all his clothes off, roared laughing and bitten his sister before going off to break something or escape the house.

He was a challenge at that age.

Do you have any inkling why you have these visceral reactions as you put it? Or indeed what you want from this thread?

My 8 and 6 year old don't talk that much about their day at school. What do you have for lunch? Err forgot. What did you learn? Err not much. Etc etc.

Toddlers are a pain. Chill.

Curious if you are neurodiverse OP or if it has been suggested before or something you have considered before? It could help explain some frustrations you are having at aligning your needs to your toddlers needs

I think you just aren't a kids person. Shit time yourself?

It won't last forever. Just try and be the adult and make life fun for him. In 10 years when you have a teen remember this thread.

OP please please do some work on your own mental health or get someone to help you with it. You're so completely wrong that feelings just exist in a vacuum and come from nowhere and you have no control over them. Being viscerally disgusted by naked bodies and bodily functions is not normal and it's also not something you have to cope with or live with. You also don't have to just live with being emotionally triggered by your child's behaviour, there are many strategies and tools that will help you to (a) understand why you feel like this and (b) do something about it.

think if I'd tried to draw up a plan with my son at aged two he probably would have eaten it. Then taken all his clothes off, roared laughing and bitten his sister before going off to break something or escape the house

🤣🤣

I don’t want to read pages of advice that doesn’t work, @Hufflepods , yes. I mean, what good does that actually do to anybody?

And speaking to a professional is just more of the same. Have you tried a sticker chart?

No one,’least of all me is trying to claim he is somehow unique amongst 2 year olds or anything. I know he’s normal (I’m sure I said that in my OP) and that the problem lies with me. I don’t know why people keep insisting I repeat myself.

I wish I didn’t have these horrible reactions to normal behaviour but I do and that’s really what the thread is about.

I have not said I hate him, you idiot. I said I didn’t hate him.

It seems my son is not the only one with poor communication skills

@Bbq1 I have reported your comment.