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Original poster

I have a mad crush on a young woman. What the fuck is wrong with me? Midlife crisis?!

176 replies

MadCrush · 01/09/2023 20:31

Im 40, married, been with my husband for the best part of 25 years. I adore him, he's hilarious, we have a great relationship and children.

Theres a neighbour down the road, she is 23, gay and fucking beautiful.

I'm mainly straight but every 5 or so years I will see a woman that gives me that absolute fanny gallops, before even having spoken to them.

This young woman is doing the same.
She works in a shop that I have to frequent on the daily.
I went through an absolute mental 5 minutes and followed her on fb (we know each other loosely through friends and neighbours) and stupidly told her she was hot.
she was gracious but a brick response - understandably!

I had a realisation that I was basically a dirty old married woman letching on a beautiful woman, which is a fucking horrible feeling as I've been on the receiving end.

I acknowledged my mistake with her for the same reasons above and unfollowed her.

BUT I can't stop thinking about her! She's so fit! And I'm so married! And old!

what the FUCK is wrong with me?!

is it middle age?!

OP posts:
Pleasegivemeyourwisdom · 01/09/2023 20:36

Hormones I reckon!

Original poster
MadCrush · 01/09/2023 20:39

Pleasegivemeyourwisdom · 01/09/2023 20:36

Hormones I reckon!

Can they do that?!

My hormones have been mad of late, I keep googling perimental symptoms but I don't seem to match them.

OP posts:
Konfetka · 01/09/2023 20:44

perimental - hehehe

towriteyoumustlive · 01/09/2023 20:46

It's not hormonal. It's just your inner impulsive side reminding you you're not past it yet!!

I get the same. Really inappropriate crushes on a younger woman every now and then despite being with DH for 14 years!

I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure she took it as a compliment!

Anxioys · 01/09/2023 20:46

Resist. You do anything and the regrets will be a book.

However, totally understand. But stop bumping into her and focus on something else!

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 20:48

Wtaf on these responses. If this was a 40 year old bloke perving on a 23 year old woman the responses would be very different.

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 20:48

And 40 year old married bloke at that.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 01/09/2023 20:50

40 isn't that old

You checked your behaviour and took steps to correct it

You can't stop your body's reactions but you can stop yourself acting badly.

It'll pass like all infatuations do

BHRK · 01/09/2023 20:50

She’s just awakened something in a part of you.. but she’s not remotely interested and you need to keep this obsession in check. Come on, where do you think this will all end?

Original poster
MadCrush · 01/09/2023 20:51

towriteyoumustlive · 01/09/2023 20:46

It's not hormonal. It's just your inner impulsive side reminding you you're not past it yet!!

I get the same. Really inappropriate crushes on a younger woman every now and then despite being with DH for 14 years!

I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure she took it as a compliment!

I'm glad I'm not the only one that gets these feelings.

I really hope she took it as a compliment and not an awful cringe.

She didn't reply to my last message.

OP posts:
IseeNarcPeople · 01/09/2023 20:51

Yeah, that was a bit weird/creepy calling her hot, but you know that.
During perimenopause my body went mental. After not being attracted to anyone for years I couldn't stop thinking about a friend and she is married to my best mate it was absolutely horrendous.
After a few months it went away as quickly as it arrived and has never come back.
Bloody hormones.

Original poster
MadCrush · 01/09/2023 20:52

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 20:48

Wtaf on these responses. If this was a 40 year old bloke perving on a 23 year old woman the responses would be very different.

EXACTLY. Which was what my realisation was.

Awful!!

OP posts:
Janieforever · 01/09/2023 20:52

MadCrush · 01/09/2023 20:51

I'm glad I'm not the only one that gets these feelings.

I really hope she took it as a compliment and not an awful cringe.

She didn't reply to my last message.

Show quote history

No she didn’t take it as a compliment, the silence tells you that.

Southeastdweller · 01/09/2023 20:53

I don’t see what the issue is here? You fancy someone else, it’s totally normal!

I don’t think you’d cheat on your DH?

Is it the age gap or/and that she’s also a woman that bothers you?

Extremelycowgirl · 01/09/2023 20:53

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 20:48

Wtaf on these responses. If this was a 40 year old bloke perving on a 23 year old woman the responses would be very different.

So true!

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 20:53

MadCrush · 01/09/2023 20:52

EXACTLY. Which was what my realisation was.

Awful!!

Show quote history

Thank you, at least you’ve some sense,

Missingmyusername · 01/09/2023 20:53

“I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure she took it as a compliment!” Hahahahaha seriously?

To be honest I think it’s very inappropriate- if you were a man posting about a woman you’d be ripped to shreds.

Have a word with yourself op!

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 01/09/2023 20:53

I think it depends on how the individual's actions impact the object of their desire. OP avoid this woman at all costs. Your advances have clearly made her uncomfortable and she is not interested. If she is plaguing your mind, you need to create major space between you

Original poster
MadCrush · 01/09/2023 20:53

IseeNarcPeople · 01/09/2023 20:51

Yeah, that was a bit weird/creepy calling her hot, but you know that.
During perimenopause my body went mental. After not being attracted to anyone for years I couldn't stop thinking about a friend and she is married to my best mate it was absolutely horrendous.
After a few months it went away as quickly as it arrived and has never come back.
Bloody hormones.

Jesus wept so it really could be the perimenopause?!

I really hope so.

Im really out my depth, it's like being 16 again and I REALLY don't like it.

OP posts:
Anxioys · 01/09/2023 20:53

Well learn from this subtle humiliation OP. No more letching!

LubaLuca · 01/09/2023 20:54

It's harmless until you start making yourself known to her, then it verges on grubby. What if she'd responded positively instead of blanking you?

Original poster
MadCrush · 01/09/2023 20:54

Missingmyusername · 01/09/2023 20:53

“I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure she took it as a compliment!” Hahahahaha seriously?

To be honest I think it’s very inappropriate- if you were a man posting about a woman you’d be ripped to shreds.

Have a word with yourself op!

I really really did.

I apologised to her.

She replied to my "compliment" but ignored my backtrack. I don't bloody blame her.

OP posts:
Janieforever · 01/09/2023 20:55

LubaLuca · 01/09/2023 20:54

It's harmless until you start making yourself known to her, then it verges on grubby. What if she'd responded positively instead of blanking you?

That’s a positive, instead it’s an older married person giving unwanted sexual attentions to a young person who has no interest,

Original poster
MadCrush · 01/09/2023 20:56

LubaLuca · 01/09/2023 20:54

It's harmless until you start making yourself known to her, then it verges on grubby. What if she'd responded positively instead of blanking you?

She didn't blank me at all, she replied.

It was just brick end of conversation responses.

And I dread to think what would happen if she would have replied - or worse still been keen to meet. I think I would have done, and I'm really really ashamed to say that.

Ive never in my whole marriage felt that.

OP posts:
Southeastdweller · 01/09/2023 20:56

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 20:55

That’s a positive, instead it’s an older married person giving unwanted sexual attentions to a young person who has no interest,

Show quote history

Young person? It’s not like she’s a teenager. You’re overreacting here.