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Original poster

I have a mad crush on a young woman. What the fuck is wrong with me? Midlife crisis?!

176 replies

MadCrush · 01/09/2023 20:31

Im 40, married, been with my husband for the best part of 25 years. I adore him, he's hilarious, we have a great relationship and children.

Theres a neighbour down the road, she is 23, gay and fucking beautiful.

I'm mainly straight but every 5 or so years I will see a woman that gives me that absolute fanny gallops, before even having spoken to them.

This young woman is doing the same.
She works in a shop that I have to frequent on the daily.
I went through an absolute mental 5 minutes and followed her on fb (we know each other loosely through friends and neighbours) and stupidly told her she was hot.
she was gracious but a brick response - understandably!

I had a realisation that I was basically a dirty old married woman letching on a beautiful woman, which is a fucking horrible feeling as I've been on the receiving end.

I acknowledged my mistake with her for the same reasons above and unfollowed her.

BUT I can't stop thinking about her! She's so fit! And I'm so married! And old!

what the FUCK is wrong with me?!

is it middle age?!

OP posts:
SuffolkUnicorn · 02/09/2023 02:17

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 20:48

Wtaf on these responses. If this was a 40 year old bloke perving on a 23 year old woman the responses would be very different.

This

LuciaPillson · 02/09/2023 03:09

Dungeonsandwagons · Today 19:37
ewwwww that’s pretty gross

Well, the financial success of the entertainment industry is based in part on the "fuckability" of its stars, so I think Palindrone isn't alone in having a little celebrity crush :)

Dungeonsandwagons · Today 20:14
@Palindrone not saying he’d be upset, am sure he’s used to dealing with the thought of people who repulse him wanting to fuck him. Just think it’s pretty sad from your side

You think so now, but you won't be 12 forever, and when you attain the repulsive age of 40, or even 50, 60 or 70, you may even find yourself with an inappropriate crush of your own! 😉

MattDamon · 02/09/2023 05:45

Mindovermatter247 · 01/09/2023 22:30

Been with DP 19 years, I’m totally straight, Only one woman made me feel like that and it was lucy bronze, I know I have no chance so it’s all good.

Lucy is really more like a beautiful man so can't blame you there. 😂

JammyThing · 02/09/2023 06:24

MattDamon · 02/09/2023 05:45

Lucy is really more like a beautiful man so can't blame you there. 😂

Show quote history

WTF??

Original poster
MadCrush · 02/09/2023 08:25

sofasofa42 · 02/09/2023 01:53

I call bullshit on this. @mnhq .

Are you trolling? Bad you.

Thank you to everyone for your input, to those who have rightly called me gross (I agree, that was my suddenly realisation and apology to her) and those who get it but tell me to leave well alone.

I really needed to hear all of the above.

FWIW, and of which will be none, I didn't just message her and say she was hot. It wasn't the female version of sending a dic pic it was far more gentle then the words I chose to use on here to explain it, but that does not make it any less grim or embarrassing.

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 02/09/2023 09:14

Fallingthroughclouds · 01/09/2023 23:14

For those of you saying a 40 year old thinking a 23 year old is attractive is pervy I think you are deluding yourself that most men don't find sexy younger woman hot. It may make us feel uncomfortable, but it's everyday stuff. Hardly shocking and I don't think it's perverse. It's just human nature.

It is pervy, I've always hated that attention from older creeps and looked down on letches. Nothing wrong with glancing at other humans as we all do. But perving and messaging, yuck.

xyz111 · 02/09/2023 10:47

@Janieforever don't be ridiculous. Of course you can find someone of the same sex attractive.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 02/09/2023 10:51

Janieforever · 01/09/2023 20:48

Wtaf on these responses. If this was a 40 year old bloke perving on a 23 year old woman the responses would be very different.

This. This is grim and weird @MadCrush Behave yourself FGS! And WTF is a brick response? Confused

ImBoilingJackie · 02/09/2023 11:03

I think you have resolved this now, OP. It's trickier when it's someone "in real life", particularly when you might encounter them socially.
I do think life changes/stages/hormones play a part, but possibly also that bit of your brain that always comes up with the 'but what if..'

I have a mad crush at the moment. I'm mid 50's, he's 70, and very famous in his home country. However, we'll never cross paths - he lives on a different continent. He's happily married. I'm happily married.
However, that doesn't stop me finding the guy extremely attractive. Every so often I'll watch some of his work/listen to him and have a moment or two.

MattDamon · 02/09/2023 11:07

JammyThing · 02/09/2023 06:24

WTF??

Show quote history

What part don't you get? She's a masc lesbian who is hot as hell.

WunWun · 02/09/2023 11:13

If her husband was messaging other women telling them they're hot everyone would absolutely be telling her he's a piece of shit, trying to cheat and to leave him

The OP has said that if the woman had responded she would have cheated on him.

OP you should tell him and do him the favour of cutting him loose.

Cloudburstings · 02/09/2023 11:21

Extremelycowgirl · 01/09/2023 20:53

So true!

Show quote history

It is normal to have these feelings though. And it is for men too. Of course older men find younger women attractive.

The difference is how many men then act on the crush - as the OP has here but then realised it was inappropriate and pulled back.

so many men would pursue her, have an affair if possible, leave their family if the affair gets going.

or just flirt and letch over her because they are used to prioritising and externalising their feelings over others - the object of the crush, their partner and children noticing.

WunWun · 02/09/2023 11:26

Cloudburstings · 02/09/2023 11:21

It is normal to have these feelings though. And it is for men too. Of course older men find younger women attractive.

The difference is how many men then act on the crush - as the OP has here but then realised it was inappropriate and pulled back.

so many men would pursue her, have an affair if possible, leave their family if the affair gets going.

or just flirt and letch over her because they are used to prioritising and externalising their feelings over others - the object of the crush, their partner and children noticing.

Show quote history

She didn't realise it was inappropriate and pull back?! She pulled back when it wasn't reciprocated. She literally said she would have cheated on her husband had the woman been interested.

Mamette · 02/09/2023 11:34

MadCrush · 01/09/2023 20:52

EXACTLY. Which was what my realisation was.

Awful!!

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Put your money where your mouth is and don’t go to that shop again.

It’s not fair to put someone in that position in their workplace.

Extremelycowgirl · 02/09/2023 11:39

It is normal to have these feelings though. And it is for men too. Of course older men find younger women attractive.

You see this is where I disagree with you… I am 50 and I have DC in their 20’s. There is something in me that just doesn’t even look at young people in their early 20’s in that way… my mind just doesn’t go there. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that I can’t appreciate somebody who is young and attractive to look at but it’s certainly not in a sexual urge way.

Extremelycowgirl · 02/09/2023 11:41

And 23 is really not that mature when it comes to dealing with older predatory types, no matter how much people try to justify their urges/biology/nature…

Beezknees · 02/09/2023 11:42

The fact that you find her attractive isn't the issue. We all have inappropriate crushes.

The way that you acted is the issue. Finding her on social media and messaging her is out of order. You've made her uncomfortable and that you'd be willing to cheat on your husband means you need to have a hard think about your marriage.

Beezknees · 02/09/2023 11:46

floribunda18 · 01/09/2023 21:48

Maybe because it is totally different if it's an older man, not a woman, for completely bloody obvious reasons.

Show quote history

It isn't. Not in this context.

Disturbia81 · 02/09/2023 12:02

Extremelycowgirl · 02/09/2023 11:39

It is normal to have these feelings though. And it is for men too. Of course older men find younger women attractive.

You see this is where I disagree with you… I am 50 and I have DC in their 20’s. There is something in me that just doesn’t even look at young people in their early 20’s in that way… my mind just doesn’t go there. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that I can’t appreciate somebody who is young and attractive to look at but it’s certainly not in a sexual urge way.

This exactly. I see them in a motherly protective way. I can see people of all different ages are objectively attractive but nothing more.

Original poster
MadCrush · 02/09/2023 12:08

Extremelycowgirl · 02/09/2023 11:39

It is normal to have these feelings though. And it is for men too. Of course older men find younger women attractive.

You see this is where I disagree with you… I am 50 and I have DC in their 20’s. There is something in me that just doesn’t even look at young people in their early 20’s in that way… my mind just doesn’t go there. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that I can’t appreciate somebody who is young and attractive to look at but it’s certainly not in a sexual urge way.

Im not 50 and I do not have DC's in their 20's.

OP posts:
Myfavouritepenguin · 02/09/2023 12:13

Of course OP shouldn’t have messaged the woman. She knows this.

But, Lord, can we stop with all the horrified gasps of “double standards”? Why so keen to call out women? Women are not nearly as bad as men in the sexual predator milieu, as well you know, and one misstep from one woman does not change that.

If you want to play “what if a man did this”, why not imagine what the responses would be on that thread on a male-dominated site?! If a 40 year-old married man messaged a hot young woman and then had an attack of conscience, there would be men left, right and centre laughing, taking the piss, egging him on, making all sorts of lewd suggestions.

Here, we have OP absolutely hung out to dry. Yes, she was wrong to message (which she’s admitted FFS) but she’s not some sort of deranged pervert for finding someone, gasp, younger sexually attractive. Why all the horror over her age?

And yes, advances from a man are, all other things being equal, more threatening than advances from a woman. Obviously.

I just don’t get why some women are so very quick to turn on women with a “double standards” accusation. It smacks of internalised misogyny to me.

tuvamoodyson · 02/09/2023 12:26

AllOfThemWitches · 01/09/2023 21:24

Well, it kind of does. If a man I had to see regularly was messaging me, I'd be worried about being sexually assaulted, quite frankly. Not so much if it were a woman.

Show quote history

Personally, as a straight woman, another woman telling me I was ‘hot’ would, quite frankly, turn my stomach and I wouldn’t think it was a compliment!

WunWun · 02/09/2023 12:34

Myfavouritepenguin · 02/09/2023 12:13

Of course OP shouldn’t have messaged the woman. She knows this.

But, Lord, can we stop with all the horrified gasps of “double standards”? Why so keen to call out women? Women are not nearly as bad as men in the sexual predator milieu, as well you know, and one misstep from one woman does not change that.

If you want to play “what if a man did this”, why not imagine what the responses would be on that thread on a male-dominated site?! If a 40 year-old married man messaged a hot young woman and then had an attack of conscience, there would be men left, right and centre laughing, taking the piss, egging him on, making all sorts of lewd suggestions.

Here, we have OP absolutely hung out to dry. Yes, she was wrong to message (which she’s admitted FFS) but she’s not some sort of deranged pervert for finding someone, gasp, younger sexually attractive. Why all the horror over her age?

And yes, advances from a man are, all other things being equal, more threatening than advances from a woman. Obviously.

I just don’t get why some women are so very quick to turn on women with a “double standards” accusation. It smacks of internalised misogyny to me.

The double standard is that she's treating her husband like shit and barely anyone here has commented on it. If someone had commented to say their husband had done the same people would be telling them to leave him.

HectorSalamanca · 02/09/2023 12:40

Can't believe the responses on here! Yes, you're a perv if you're wondering. Messaged a woman half your age and told her your fancied her. Bet she was horrified.

If a fella posted this. His arse would be handed to him on a plate. 'compliment' wtf!

Southeastdweller · 02/09/2023 12:42

HectorSalamanca · 02/09/2023 12:40

Can't believe the responses on here! Yes, you're a perv if you're wondering. Messaged a woman half your age and told her your fancied her. Bet she was horrified.

If a fella posted this. His arse would be handed to him on a plate. 'compliment' wtf!

What if the woman was the same age as the OP?

Also, horrified is a bit of an assumption. Pearls a bit tight-fitting today?