MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?

[Notkenough]

Hi all need advice asap. My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers while away with them for a week and allowed her to get what for want of a better description I’d say is a mullet - shaved right up the sides, very short on top and thick in the back. She is due back at school in her last year in a week and a half. Not only is the hair highly unsuitable for school I am hugely concerned she will be bullied for it and her hair grows very slowly. I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible but I am furious with my inlaws. In my opinion it’s literally a 15 year olds job to make stupid decisions but in my absence surely it’s theirs to stop her from doing so not actively facilitate it by taking her to the hairdressers and paying for it ?? To add insult to injury she hasn’t reached out in any way shape or form to address this after apparently my OH(m37) told her to give me time to calm down. The longer it has gone on the more I am feeling disrespected and and at the point where I no longer feel I can make a logical decision. He has this evening informed me he has reached out to her to make contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I have my own thoughts but am curious what you’d all do? Thanks for reading x Apologies for the grammar I’m on my phone and multitasking x

Her head, her choice. Mullets are in anyway.

Some schools do say ‘no extreme hairstyles’ and what they class as extreme can be pretty subjective.

If this DD has such a school then she’ll just have to have it cut short. Life lesson learned 😂

At least she got it professionally done. My 15 year old cut her own hair last year 😂. She's also box dyed it black despite me cautioning her she might not want to as it takes so much to lift it. We are currently working to get it out as she didn't like it. But that's part of being a teen, it's only hair., it grows back.

I'd be thanking the mil for taking her.

It's hair. It grows.

If she likes it then that's all that matters.

I thought this was going to be about a 5 year old, not a 15 year old. Unless it's going to be a problem with school rules, what's the problem? She's old enough to decide whether she will get comments about it and whether she can handle them.

Had she already told you she wanted a radical haircut? And what was your reaction? Or did she just foresee your reaction and decide it was best to get it done in your absence?

I was once in a car lift ( in France) with a French male colleague. He was ranting about how his teenage daughter was behaving poorly the previous evening, giving him a hard time, and being a “ disappointment “ to him. Turned out she hated her waist length hair and wanted a bob. She was 17. He explained to me it was unfeminine to be shorter and that he’d decided to refuse to take herand pay for her next appointment
I told him he was a controlling misogynist and that his daughters hair length was not his decision. And frankly it was a bit weird him being obsessed with his daughters hair length to the point he was babying her, or was it because he was bald?
he went very quiet.
a we got out he car a work, he said “ my wife made the same point bout me being bald”

I hope he gave his daughter the hairdresser money that evening 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sometimes op, you have to let them grow up. You have to stop projecting your tastes, desires, opinions, beliefs, wishes onto them.
shit haircuts, piercings, drinking too much, even sex. It will all come along eventually. You can’t stand there like Canute trying to push the tide away. trust the job you’ve done with her as a child and let her start to slowly find her own way now. Her hair will grow again when she chooses- if she has exclusion, well it’s not ideal for her, but she’ll learn a lesson to think a bit more about consequences of things. An exclusion is a pretty safe way of learning that lesson frankly, at a nice young age 🤷🏼‍♀️

But we don't know if it's the case at this school. As you say though, if it is she will have to suck it up.

My DD is 15, if she asked the hairdresser to chop off her beautiful curls and replace it with a shaved mullet I’d probably cry. But it’s her decision at 15, and she is to blame, not your in laws. I’m sure at 15 they didn’t think they’d need to text you to check. If people laugh, she won’t get a haircut like that again. I remember a friend having a similar style in the early 90’s, she actually cried in the hairdressers and walked around with her hood up for weeks

It is only a haircut and we all experimented at her age and if the school says anything then she can change it up a bit. It would not bother me but then again my son changed his hair so often and is so good at doing his own hair as learned himself during pandemic. A haircut seems like a simple thing to be worrying about and it is not your mil fault as she probably did not even know what your daughter was asking for. Hair grows and I for one would not get angry over a haircut.

If it's anything like this I think it looks great and not what I would call severe.

Mullets have been super fashionable for at least 2 years. I had to cut my DDs hair into one during lockdown (I'm not a hairdresser - it was terrifying for me but she liked it). Strangely enough she was 15 at the time. You need to spend more time getting down with the kids and less time trying to blame your MIL. My DD was at a very naice grammar school and they didn't class it as an extreme hair cut. It will grow back.

Oh dear! My daughter is the same age. She's gone from waist length hair to short with a shaved undercut and dyed it red. I couldn't give two hoots, it's her hair not mine

Can people please stop saying reach out? It sounds so bloody stupid in my (54f) opinion.

I (50f) had a mullet when I was 10. It was cool af. My mother (82f) confessed to me when I was about 30 that it had made her cry. Not because she was weird about my hair but because she felt that that was when I became myself. It’s a lot to load onto a haircut but I know what she means. Incidentally dd1 (19f) has a mullet. She’s an art student and much cooler than me but it’s hardly a radical style since it’s the absolute height of fashion. I stopped picking her hairstyles when she was about 4 (which I think is relatively normal but I remember a girl in my primary class who had a compulsory fringe she hated and a girl in secondary who wasn’t allowed short hair. She’s as bald as a newborn baby now and has been since about 17/18.) Why wouldn’t you let a 15yo pick her own haircut?

I can't imagine that being classed as extreme at school. I knew people with hair similar to that at my very strict grammar school in the late 60s/early 70s. Back then it was inspired by Rod Stewart and David Bowie. Hair styles come and go.

What is the current arrangement when she has her haircut?

She goes into town by herself or you drop her off?

She could have had the awful haircut whilst under your care so unless your mother in law frogmarched her into the hair dresser and demanded the hairdresser giver her a mullet, you have no truck with the mother in law.

It's your daughter who asked and got the haircut she wanted.

I can hear your frustration but it's her hair. Is she happy with it herself?

She's 15, she could have taken herself off to the hairdresser at any stage by herself. My mother certainly wasn't policing my hair choices at that age. Teens, even back in the days when I was young, make questionable fashion decisions. My friend (66F) had a similar David Bowie inspired style when she was at school. Stop obsessing over it, it will grow back. Presumably your daughter likes it, which is all that matters, and it seems your MIL knows more about dealing with teens than you do.

Also, what is all this "reaching out" nonsense? It's a haircut, not a tragedy!

Unfortunately it seems mullets are in. Yesterday I saw a man near Bank of England, he looked about late 20’s suited and booted with a curly mullet.

Honestly OP, from the title I was expecting the child to be very young. She is 15!! When I was 15 I did what I wanted to my hair. I dyed it pitch black and my mum laughed at me and said I looked like Ozzy Osbourne! I think it would be quite controlling of a parent to forbid their teen child from getting a haircut they really wanted. Also - mullets are actually in style believe it or not and have been for a good while. I think your MIL is staying quiet because you’re being (sorry!) a little hysterical about it!

Depends on the schools response tbf if they send her home and require a different hairstyle then it's bank of nan for the correction and nan can pay for decent homeschooling while it grows out

Because it wouldn't be acceptable in many of my local schools

I'm not so precious personally although I did flinch a little over dd going from waist length to Bob it was her hair her choice

I would feel your pain though. My daughter came downstairs at the same age and had a ring through the underneath of her nose like a bull that she had pierced herself.

It made me feel I'll to look at it.

Thankfully that was many years ago and she grew up and removed it and there are no visible signs she ever had it.

Your MIL has nothing to apologise for and has done nothing wrong. If anything you should apologise to your MIL for blaming her for your DDs choices. Your DD probably told your MIL that she had autonomy over her hair.

I just don’t get schools obsession with hair . Unless it’s unsafe like a repunzel tripping hazard.
its a hang over from when a duff haircut could stop you getting a job, and many jobs, especially for women, had outrageously intrusive dress codes
we moved on from that decades ago - I recruited tens of people in my career and haircuts were never a measure on our scorecards.
but some school heads just want to wave their preverbal willies ( inc the female ones) around dictating orders to make them feel important.

if they’re worried about social contagion or pressure, they might think about that in their approach to girl’s gender transitions

Bank of England you say?

Mullet you say?

Curly you say?

Suited and booted you say?

in his 20s you say?

sorry what’s the problem exactly?