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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?

347 replies

Notkenough · 31/08/2023 19:47

Hi all need advice asap. My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers while away with them for a week and allowed her to get what for want of a better description I’d say is a mullet - shaved right up the sides, very short on top and thick in the back. She is due back at school in her last year in a week and a half. Not only is the hair highly unsuitable for school I am hugely concerned she will be bullied for it and her hair grows very slowly. I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible but I am furious with my inlaws. In my opinion it’s literally a 15 year olds job to make stupid decisions but in my absence surely it’s theirs to stop her from doing so not actively facilitate it by taking her to the hairdressers and paying for it ?? To add insult to injury she hasn’t reached out in any way shape or form to address this after apparently my OH(m37) told her to give me time to calm down. The longer it has gone on the more I am feeling disrespected and and at the point where I no longer feel I can make a logical decision. He has this evening informed me he has reached out to her to make contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I have my own thoughts but am curious what you’d all do? Thanks for reading x Apologies for the grammar I’m on my phone and multitasking x

OP posts:

Thread gallery

sunglassesonthetable · 02/09/2023 10:20

I used to hate mullets back in the day.

But have to say I like them on youngsters now. I'm quite shallow.

AIstolemylunch · 02/09/2023 10:31

I'm sure many people have already been on to tell the OP that the 'modern mullet' is the height of fashion. My just turned 16y old has had one on and off for nearly a year. They are getting more extreme though and I think are bordering on Mohicans now and hes just had it put back in and it's very shaved at the side. Im a bit concerned about school on Monday....

Anyway, it's really fashionable and looks really good on him and (most of) his friends that also have it. Good on her for bucking the boring long hair standard for the girls I say.

SnozPoz · 02/09/2023 13:40

your daughter is 15 she knew exactly what she was doing. Not your MIL's fault. Also, much as I hate them, mullets are back in fashion. Let your daughter learn from her own mistakes. Hair grows.

Ukrainebaby23 · 02/09/2023 15:56

Help her find a way to make it
Look better.
Suitable for school
Grown up

She'll love you forever. If you judge, you'll be the loser.

Dyed my hair ginger once, by accident. My very strict folks said nothing, my brother teased me forever. Nothing bad happened.

pookie999 · 02/09/2023 16:38

Love a mullet!

Createausername1970 · 02/09/2023 16:45

I would keep quiet and wait and see what happens at school. If you make a big fuss and get cross with MIL and it turns out not to be a problem, then you have made yourself look stupid.

If it does turn out to be a problem, then it's not of your making, DD will have to deal with it.

But if DD is 15 she could have taken herself to the hairdressers anyway, so it's not like MIL made her do it, or probably even knew what DD was planning.

MooseBreath · 02/09/2023 16:48

My hair was bright orange and had a harsh fringe at 14. I loved it. My parents couldn't have stopped me, I did it at a friend's house. I wasn't even rebellious!

Your DD has a haircut with personality. Good for her! I hope she rocks it.

TriedTurningItOff · 02/09/2023 17:55

Your DD might not have chosen this hairstyle - she may just have encountered a bad hairdresser. We've all had horrible haircuts and hairdressers who didn't listen to us.

sunglassesonthetable · 02/09/2023 17:57

Your DD might not have chosen this hairstyle - she may just have encountered a bad hairdresser. We've all had horrible haircuts and hairdressers who didn't listen to us.

Hmm no mention of OPs daughter being upset or disappointed with the hair cut though.

orangeyeahthatsright · 02/09/2023 19:57

TriedTurningItOff · 02/09/2023 17:55

Your DD might not have chosen this hairstyle - she may just have encountered a bad hairdresser. We've all had horrible haircuts and hairdressers who didn't listen to us.

TBH I have far more bad memories of ugly short haircuts I was pushed into by my mum as a teen than anything I ever chose for myself at that age.

PassMeTheRedbull · 03/09/2023 17:03

Also can I ask, what's this about schools going mad? I've never heard of this before, I'm in Scotland but when I was at school there wasn't a rule on hair and there also isn't any rules in either of my children's schools, seems odd?

Comefromaway · 03/09/2023 17:55

Many if not most schools have rules on hairstyles.

for example

”We will not accept extreme hairstyles which tend to be in fashion as trends change. It is difficult to be prescriptive about this but it is worth noting that the following styles have never been acceptable:

Tram lines or patterns in the hair.
An all over grade 1 haircut.
Coloured streaks or shadings in unnatural colours such as reds, pinks, greens, purples, blues etc.
Bleach used to create an obvious pattern in the hair, such as bleach used to streak down the centre of the hair, which contrasts with the rest of the hair colour.
Decorative inserts such as feathers, tinsel or braids etc.”

sunglassesonthetable · 03/09/2023 18:11

My son has regularly had an all over no 1 buzz cut. Seems to be a thing right now.
School hasn't batted an eyelid. I've never seen ANY regulations such as below.

I don't think they exist at his school or the new one he's going to.

Mind you OP's daughter hasn't got any of the list.

textpest · 03/09/2023 19:07

It's her hair. DD chose it so any fall back from school etc is on her. Your DH literally told your MIL to leave you alone and she is. Get over it. Life is too short and your DD could easily just have gone by herself for it.

SBB18 · 03/09/2023 21:55

No I’d be so upset ….. no fuming if this happened to me with my daughter!

1 why are you taking her to the hairdressers
2 why not think to call mum to confirm it’s ok to have such a drastic change
3 just why!

I would 100% be confronting the in-laws and then have a chat with daughter to find out why she wanted such a change and not discussed it with you first!

Fair enough if she’s wanted it for ages and that’s how she wants to express herself but her just talking to you could of met in the middle first with a “wolf/butterfly” cut first and then decide if she wanted to go gradually shorter. Then to do it in the summer before college/apprenticeship etc.

Really feel for you!

bananaboats · 03/09/2023 22:01

She's 15 not 5! Leave her to it, if she gets in trouble at school that's on her

GUARDIAN1 · 04/09/2023 16:43

I would just let it go. When I was 15 I had thick hair, almost down to my bum. I got it cut into what I'd say was probably about a no2 buzz cut. My mother was furious, my dad wept. Ultimately it was my choice. As it was your daughters.

Glittertwins · 04/09/2023 16:46

Not sure why you are so upset hair grows back and she's 15 years old, not 15 months old.
If school don't like it (ours is quite strict) then it's a lesson learned for her there too.

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 16:48

The haircut is highly unsuitable for school? What does that even mean? Are haircuts included in the dress code?

As for bullied: She got a haircut that she thinks is cool and stylish, so chances are her friends will also think so.

You sound like a control freak. Let it go. The answer is YES, you are being unreasonable and horrid. Leave your MIL alone, and leave your daughter alone.

ICanBuyMyOwnBooks · 04/09/2023 16:51

Haircuts are included in our school's dress code but mullets are allowed.

Maddy70 · 04/09/2023 16:55

I would be livid. Let's hope the school don't suspended her and it is more suitable than you think

Gettingbysomehow · 04/09/2023 16:58

I'd be furious. Surely the school won't accept that.

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