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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?

347 replies

Notkenough · 31/08/2023 19:47

Hi all need advice asap. My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers while away with them for a week and allowed her to get what for want of a better description I’d say is a mullet - shaved right up the sides, very short on top and thick in the back. She is due back at school in her last year in a week and a half. Not only is the hair highly unsuitable for school I am hugely concerned she will be bullied for it and her hair grows very slowly. I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible but I am furious with my inlaws. In my opinion it’s literally a 15 year olds job to make stupid decisions but in my absence surely it’s theirs to stop her from doing so not actively facilitate it by taking her to the hairdressers and paying for it ?? To add insult to injury she hasn’t reached out in any way shape or form to address this after apparently my OH(m37) told her to give me time to calm down. The longer it has gone on the more I am feeling disrespected and and at the point where I no longer feel I can make a logical decision. He has this evening informed me he has reached out to her to make contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I have my own thoughts but am curious what you’d all do? Thanks for reading x Apologies for the grammar I’m on my phone and multitasking x

OP posts:
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8
Ohmylovejune · 31/08/2023 20:06

Hair grows back. I grew.up with a hairdressing mum who tried all.the new fashions out on me. The grew out, quite quickly if short.

School.is a separate issue but she will have to see what they say when she returns and deal.with the fallout when it happens. If it happens.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 31/08/2023 20:06

She is 15 -and the hair is hers.

I'd laugh - take lots of photos (to remind her with when she grows sense) and let school react (if it is bad enough for them to do so).

If she ends up in trouble on her return to school I'd back school up of course; she knows the rules and didn't break them accidentally.

dinoice · 31/08/2023 20:07

Totally on you.

shes 15. She was trusted with them yet you can’t even speak to your poor MIL. she is unlikely to have dragged her in and forced her choice on her.

picture the scene. Oh granny everyone has there hair like this. You are so cool. Blah blah.

I went with a friend about that age and died my hair RED. My mum nearly died. But it wasn’t the other mums fault.

focus on thanking her for looking after your daughter and the good relationship they have.

HappyPurrrsday · 31/08/2023 20:08

You’ve handled this all wrong OP. You should have told her it was really cool & you used to have/want the same style when you were her age 😉

MentholLoad · 31/08/2023 20:09

why do you feel 'disrespected', that your daughter has a haircut that you don't like?

IncompleteSenten · 31/08/2023 20:10

Your daughter is old enough to be in control of her own hair.
I would imagine she knows better than you do what teenagers think looks 'cool'.

My advice - calm down. Take photos you can laugh at in years to come

Vettrianofan · 31/08/2023 20:10

This is one for her 21st birthday party photos 😂😂😂🤣

MerryMarigold · 31/08/2023 20:11

HappyPurrrsday · 31/08/2023 20:08

You’ve handled this all wrong OP. You should have told her it was really cool & you used to have/want the same style when you were her age 😉

She may have. I'm 50 and I remember this haircut. I envied those who could carry it off and it was considered the height of fashion.

It's actually super cool currently according to my teenage kids.

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 31/08/2023 20:11

Why did you have to clarify that your daughter is female?

MariaVT65 · 31/08/2023 20:11

I definitely went for haircuts by myself at 15. Nothing to do with your in laws.

I hate hearing about all that bollocks with schools not lettings kids back in because of their haircut. No haircut is more important than their education and it shouldn’t matter.

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 20:12

How is the hairstyle not suitable for school?

Redavocadoes · 31/08/2023 20:12

I (F, 53) think that if your DS is 15 it's par for the course. That mullet style is quite trendy again at the moment in certain circles, and it's good that she is developing a sense of individuality.
Unless she is at a really strict school, in which case she knows the rules and will have to accept any consequences, you will have to suck it up and accept that this is one area of her life she has exerted free will in.

Fifireee · 31/08/2023 20:13

15 - you’ve got to let them do what they want.

QueenCamilla · 31/08/2023 20:13

I'm 37. A year ago I had a short French bob with a micro-fringe. Then a mullet! Then the shortest, neatest "Twiggy" crop. Right now I have an undershaved bowl cut that I get inordinate amounts of compliments for in the street.

I hope no one is "disappointed and sad" for me!

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 31/08/2023 20:14

Oh and mullets, generally permed, are HUGE right now, and even I, 45(old, uncool, most definitely female), knows that.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 31/08/2023 20:15

No one’s ages here matter aside from your DDs. She’s 15, it’s her hair, her body, her hair will not impact on her learning one damn bit and good for her for having the confidence not to give a damn what anyone else things of her appearance. You sound neurotic and far too invested in a hair do that has nothing to do with you.

SpringIntoChaos · 31/08/2023 20:16

Two things here:

  1. Your daughter is old enough to choose her own hair style 🤷‍♀️
  1. We don't need to know how old you, your MIL or your DH are...literally has no bearing on the post at all.
PrrrplePineapple · 31/08/2023 20:16

So you believe your teenager should make stupid decisions but only when you're there to talk her out of it? YABU. She is old enough to do what she likes, and in all honesty you could give credit to your MIL for allowing your daughter freedom of creative expression over her hair.

Plus, if you blow up over this, how nuclear are you going to go when your daughter makes decisions you think are even worse? Because those are coming...

Be as upset as you like privately, but don't take your feelings out on your MIL.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 31/08/2023 20:18

Sounds like a wolf cut with shaved sides. Very trendy right now.

I doubt your mil bullied her into getting it.

livinglifetothefull · 31/08/2023 20:18

Shes a young adult 15 not 5 leave her alone its her head you do sound a bit controlling .
My sisters daughter shaved her head number 4 shes 16.
It not the mil to blame im sure if your daughter didnt want it she would have said something .
My mother controlled everything i remember when my sisters twins was 15 and had knee length hair went on holiday with my aunt phone mum to ask if they could have their hair cut mum said yes . They came back a week later with short back and sides mum lost her shit gran told her to shut up and stop controlling them you said they could have it done . onwards 30 year both twins still have short hair and no contact with mum.

DandDoodlz67 · 31/08/2023 20:19

Sorry but unfortunately I think she’s old enough to decide how she wants her own hair
i did some terrible hair cuts and dye at 15/16 and I had my own pt jobs to pay for it
I cringe when looking back at photos it looks awful but my parents never said anything

Lantyslee · 31/08/2023 20:21

It's hair. If your DD decides she doesn't like it, she can grow it out. If she does like it, she can keep it like that. I just don't see what the problem is.

Zeppel · 31/08/2023 20:21

She's 15 not 5! YABU.

Userwithallthenumbers · 31/08/2023 20:21

As you say, it is literally her job to make stupid decisions. This is a haircut, not a life changing decision, so even if you think it looks ridiculous, it won't be like that forever.

You MIL was told to leave you alone to calm down. She has respected that request.

At 15, she is trying to exert her independence and autonomy. The more you try to stamp on that, the more you will drive her to make choices you disagree with. Choose your battles, this should not have been one of them.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 31/08/2023 20:22

That styles 'in' at the moment.......she probably won't be the only kid who has it.