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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?

347 replies

Notkenough · 31/08/2023 19:47

Hi all need advice asap. My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers while away with them for a week and allowed her to get what for want of a better description I’d say is a mullet - shaved right up the sides, very short on top and thick in the back. She is due back at school in her last year in a week and a half. Not only is the hair highly unsuitable for school I am hugely concerned she will be bullied for it and her hair grows very slowly. I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible but I am furious with my inlaws. In my opinion it’s literally a 15 year olds job to make stupid decisions but in my absence surely it’s theirs to stop her from doing so not actively facilitate it by taking her to the hairdressers and paying for it ?? To add insult to injury she hasn’t reached out in any way shape or form to address this after apparently my OH(m37) told her to give me time to calm down. The longer it has gone on the more I am feeling disrespected and and at the point where I no longer feel I can make a logical decision. He has this evening informed me he has reached out to her to make contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I have my own thoughts but am curious what you’d all do? Thanks for reading x Apologies for the grammar I’m on my phone and multitasking x

OP posts:
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8
Jifmicroliquid · 31/08/2023 19:56

Take some pictures for her 21st birthday!
Honestly, don’t sweat it. Hair grows back.

Paq · 31/08/2023 19:56

I (49y+ 367d f) also think this is a situation where you eye-roll at the teen for having a stupid haircut. They are old enough to make these decisions and deal with the consequences.

And as is oft said on mumsnet, it's only hair, it will grow.

headcheffer · 31/08/2023 19:57

She's 15 not 5. If she gets in trouble at school for it then it's her punishment to take.

LimeTreeGrove · 31/08/2023 19:57

Presumably you allow her out without you at 15 and dont stand over her supervising the hairdresser when she's having a hair cut so she could just as easily have had it cut like that at home. Not sure why it's the in laws fault.

DisquietintheRanks · 31/08/2023 19:58

Thintelligencerising · 31/08/2023 19:49

At 15, I feel your daughter should be allowed to make her own decisions about her hair. This isn't worth a battle. Not with anyone.

This

Mariposista · 31/08/2023 19:58

If DD likes the hairstyle, it’s on her. This is not granny’s fault. Granny wouldn’t have told the hairdresser to do it.

Hesma · 31/08/2023 19:58

Mullets are very trendy right now, she’ll be ok

Comefromaway · 31/08/2023 19:58

My answer depends on whether this is against the school haircut policy but even if it is then your mil is hardly to know that and it’s all on your daughter.

ThomasHardyPerennial · 31/08/2023 19:59

Give over with your talk about being disrespected - you're not in the bloody mafia.

CorylusAgain · 31/08/2023 20:00

I'm also in the "she's 15 not 5!" camp.
Nothing to be mad at your mil for as I'd expect my 15 year old to choose her hairstyle and accept the consequences

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 31/08/2023 20:01

Mullets are fashionable right now and she's plenty old enough to decide how she has her hair

Did DD ask you previously and you said no so she went behind your back?

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 31/08/2023 20:01

Why do you feel this is your MIL's fault?

Your daughter is 15 - her hairstyle is totally up to her.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 31/08/2023 20:01

I don't think OP will be returning, I doubt these are the responses she was looking for.

Riverlee · 31/08/2023 20:01

Not up to your mil to decide to take daughter to hairdresser, but at 15, your daughter gets to decide what style she wants,

ISeeMisledPeople · 31/08/2023 20:01

I was going by myself to the hairdresser at 15. You are definitely a) blaming the wrong people and b) getting worried up about something that's really not that big a deal.

My daughter has a modern mullet. They are fairly trendy right now

Xrays · 31/08/2023 20:02

You’re massively overreacting and if you carry on like this you’ll alienate your dd. At 15 she obviously wanted her hair cut like that. I can’t see a school banning her for a mullet. They’re super fashionable at the moment. Let her be. Laugh about it. Life is too short for this drama.

Princessfluffy · 31/08/2023 20:02

YABU
At 15f your dd should be able to choose her own hairstyle.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 31/08/2023 20:03

It's very rude of her to do so, but at the same time at 15 it's your child's choice what do do with her hair. And it's a good age to experiment - no employer to care about her hairstyle.

I'd just move on. Nothing you can do about it now.

Thisisnowmyusername · 31/08/2023 20:03

I'm now officially an OAP and even I have read that mullets are back in fashion, so doubt she will be the only one in her year with this hairstyle.

caringcarer · 31/08/2023 20:04

Well I hope she's allowed back to school if it's extreme. Some schools are super strict and would make her wait until it's grown out a bit.

Prescottdanni123 · 31/08/2023 20:05

At 15, I was going to the hairdressers alone and making my own decision about what I wanted.

While I don't think mullet styles look good on anyone, your daughter is 15 and is old enough to decide what she wants to do with it.

I work in a senior school. As long as they don't come in with hair dyed more than one colour, we don't really care.

Noorandapples · 31/08/2023 20:05

I would be cross too if it affected her schooling. But the in laws were told to give you space and wait, they're probably waiting for you to let them know when you're ready to talk. In all likelihood she probably convinced them you were okay with it, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion they overrode you on purpose.

AvengedQuince · 31/08/2023 20:05

What's with the ages other the teens age? I (39f) wouldn't think to tell my DS (17m) what he could do with his own hair now or a few years ago. If it breaks school rules on 'extreme hairstyles' then she can go to a barber for a standard short back and sides.

Ellie1015 · 31/08/2023 20:05

If dd knows you would bot permit it then she may not have mentioned the style until at the hairdressers, or she might have assumed you would let dd make her own choices as most parents would.

I would not like the haircut. But i would feel bad that dd felt she had to go around you to get it and try and respect her decision.

The only reason i would be upset is if dd regrests it, but then i would be upset for dd and it would be a learning experience rather than any reason to be annoyed at MIL.

QueenCamilla · 31/08/2023 20:06

You'd think MIL took her in for a face tattoo.... 🙄

There's waaaay too many semi-kempt boring long manes around today. Good on her!

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