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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?

347 replies

Notkenough · 31/08/2023 19:47

Hi all need advice asap. My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers while away with them for a week and allowed her to get what for want of a better description I’d say is a mullet - shaved right up the sides, very short on top and thick in the back. She is due back at school in her last year in a week and a half. Not only is the hair highly unsuitable for school I am hugely concerned she will be bullied for it and her hair grows very slowly. I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible but I am furious with my inlaws. In my opinion it’s literally a 15 year olds job to make stupid decisions but in my absence surely it’s theirs to stop her from doing so not actively facilitate it by taking her to the hairdressers and paying for it ?? To add insult to injury she hasn’t reached out in any way shape or form to address this after apparently my OH(m37) told her to give me time to calm down. The longer it has gone on the more I am feeling disrespected and and at the point where I no longer feel I can make a logical decision. He has this evening informed me he has reached out to her to make contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I have my own thoughts but am curious what you’d all do? Thanks for reading x Apologies for the grammar I’m on my phone and multitasking x

OP posts:
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WasserUndBrot · 31/08/2023 19:49

Shit teen hair is a right of passage. Make sure you document lots of photos for her adult years.

Thintelligencerising · 31/08/2023 19:49

At 15, I feel your daughter should be allowed to make her own decisions about her hair. This isn't worth a battle. Not with anyone.

YouHoooo · 31/08/2023 19:50

Probably mildly take the piss out of DD, then get over it.

Shes 15 not 5, so could easily have taken herself.

BlastedSkreet · 31/08/2023 19:50

I’m with you and would be cross, but at 15 your daughter also gets a say in her haircut. It’s done now, no way to un do it so I would try to let it go.

Take lots of pictures and try to laugh it off - she’ll be mortified in a few years time!

topshotta · 31/08/2023 19:51

It's up to your daughter not you

wellandtruly · 31/08/2023 19:51

I thought you were going to say she was a toddler. She’s 15! She can decide what she likes about her hair, and as long as it doesn’t break any school rules, where’s the harm? It’s not a wacky colour.

LimeTreeGrove · 31/08/2023 19:52

A lot of schools go back next week so she probably just said she needed a hair cut before she went back to school and they dropped her off for it. They wouldn't have got involved in the style.

FuckingHellAdele · 31/08/2023 19:52

I (47f) think you should probably let this one go.

And yes, take photos.

DinnaeFashYersel · 31/08/2023 19:52

This would be a problem if she was 5.

But at 15 you need to suck it up. It's a divergence of taste.

Weatherwax134 · 31/08/2023 19:52

I'd be cross as MIL and she should apologise for having stepped over your boundary. However, I've got to agree with others that she can choose for herself at 15, she's old enough to have weighed up whether she'll be teased or not and to have her own style (even if her parents hate it lol). She maybe badgered your MIL for it because she knew that MIL would support her style choice.

SistersNotCisters · 31/08/2023 19:53

I agree with the posters about it's her hair and teens do make stupid hair decisions but it's not something I would take lightly if it's going to be an issue with school. She could potentially end up in isolation or for a very important school year if what people say about schools with these ridiculous rules is correct.
Our local High doesn't give a shit and kids have the most relaxed uniform and hair policy I've ever seen but I'd be worried if my kids went to one of these stupidly strict ones.

oodles50 · 31/08/2023 19:53

I went to the hairdressers by myself at 15 and came out with pink and black hair…it’s just a thing. Never understand why people get so upset about haircuts, it does grow back.

HerMammy · 31/08/2023 19:53

Yet another crazy controlling parent thread. Your DD is a young adult she can choose her own hairstyle.

Precipice · 31/08/2023 19:54

Your daughter's 15! YABVU for thinking you can stop her from getting any haircut she wants.

Why should she be so concerned with the (hypothetical) opinions of others that she choose not what she wants and what appeals to her, but what she thinks other would want and would find appealing on her? Is that really the attitude you want to impart to your daughter?

What on earth should she be reaching out to you about?! Do you really think it would have been appropriate for her to go with her granddaughter to a hairdressers' and dictate what haircut she should get, over the granddaughter's own wishes? How ridiculous that would be.

ShineBright1209 · 31/08/2023 19:54

Is it something that your daughters wanted doing for a while or was it a spur of the moment thing?
I must admit if someone took one of mine to have that done with me having absolutely no idea or prior discussion with daughter about it then I’d be livid.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 31/08/2023 19:54

I think that's quite a fashionable style now, I have seen a few girls with mullets out and about. Would your MIL even have had a say? Surely she just dropped your dd off at the hairdressers then paid on pick up? When I was 15 I was allowed to make my own hair cut choices, my mum just told the hairdresser 'no colour' then went and grabbed a coffee.

MrsKwazi · 31/08/2023 19:54

yanbu but today I have seen SO MANY
kids with the side shave and mullet haircut, maybe it is the in thing right now and she’ll be fine?

CaptainMyCaptain · 31/08/2023 19:54

I thought you were talking about a 5 year old. A 15 year old should be able to make decisions about her hair. If it breaks school rules she deals with the consequences but they can hardly tell her to grow it instantly.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 31/08/2023 19:55

Have to agree with everyone else sorry - and if she's old enough to tell a hairdresser what she wants, she's old enough to take responsibility with how that will land in school.

Get over yourself.

Flickersy · 31/08/2023 19:55

Why would you do anything?

15 years old is old enough to choose her own hair and deal with the consequences.

And hair grows back.

AbsolutelyNebulous · 31/08/2023 19:55

Your dd is 15, her hairstyle decision is entirely on her. Feeling furious, disrespected and needing time to calm down because a teenage girl’s GPs didn’t stop her getting a haircut makes you sound ridiculously uptight and dramatic.

mumonthehill · 31/08/2023 19:55

Does your dd like it, if so leave it be. Since dc were about 14 i have not been that happy at their hair choices, ds currently has a mullet but they are old enough to make their own choices and express themselves how they like.

Matchinglipsandfingertips · 31/08/2023 19:56

No sympathy here. I had a pink spiked do at 16, daughter had a mullet last term.
I now have short grey hair and wear pearls!
It's only hair, save it for the inks!

RonnieMcdonnie · 31/08/2023 19:56

Major overreaction OP, she’s 15 so it’s her decision, feel a bit sorry for your MIL

thistimelastweek · 31/08/2023 19:56

Why is it MIL's fault?

Most 15 year olds can walk into a hairdresser and ask for what they want.