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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?

347 replies

Notkenough · 31/08/2023 19:47

Hi all need advice asap. My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers while away with them for a week and allowed her to get what for want of a better description I’d say is a mullet - shaved right up the sides, very short on top and thick in the back. She is due back at school in her last year in a week and a half. Not only is the hair highly unsuitable for school I am hugely concerned she will be bullied for it and her hair grows very slowly. I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible but I am furious with my inlaws. In my opinion it’s literally a 15 year olds job to make stupid decisions but in my absence surely it’s theirs to stop her from doing so not actively facilitate it by taking her to the hairdressers and paying for it ?? To add insult to injury she hasn’t reached out in any way shape or form to address this after apparently my OH(m37) told her to give me time to calm down. The longer it has gone on the more I am feeling disrespected and and at the point where I no longer feel I can make a logical decision. He has this evening informed me he has reached out to her to make contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I have my own thoughts but am curious what you’d all do? Thanks for reading x Apologies for the grammar I’m on my phone and multitasking x

OP posts:

Thread gallery

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 31/08/2023 20:22

I (f57) think this might be a poor attempt at an evil MIL (f any age over about 35 on MN) thread.

Fun though.

FOJN · 31/08/2023 20:23

Why isn't your 15 year old allowed to choose her own haircut?

Do you still take her to the hairdresser? I don't remember any of my friends being accompanied to the hairdresser by their mum beyond the age of about 13.

If your daughter was choosing her own hairstyle what did you expect your MIL to do?

Mullets are back in fashion so I doubt she will get bullied.

I think you might be overreacting a bit.

mantlepiece · 31/08/2023 20:23

I always try to find a positive in a situation.

At least you didn’t pay for it!

Lavender14 · 31/08/2023 20:23

If it becomes so much of an issue at school that she's in isolation or something then I'd be in a meeting with the head arguing that. I think at 15 it's up to her what hair she chooses and the style you've described is currently in trend so she might not be bullied the way you imagine (hopefully). I personally would be encouraging her to embrace her individually and ownership over her own body so this is not a hill I'd choose to do battle on. I think you have over reacted and it's hair it will grow back even if slowly.

MarshyMcMarshFace · 31/08/2023 20:24

Oh come on OP, very harsh to blame your MIL for this! Your Dd clearly wound her round her little finger or she may have gone in on her own or MIL was sat reading magazines when the conversation jn front of the mirror took place.

After all, what Gran stands over a 15 yo telling the stylist how to cut it?

She won’t get bullied, inexplicably this is trendy.

She might get into issues at school depending on how hair is policed, but that’s on your Dd, not MIL. How is your MIL supposed to know her school rules re hair?

V unfair to blame MIL.

reluctantbrit · 31/08/2023 20:24

I haven't been with DD to the hairdresser since she was 12 I think. And then only because we had appointments at the same time.

Now I wire her the money before she goes and the rest is up to her.

A 15 year old don't need parent's permission to cut her hair.

MeAgainPeeps · 31/08/2023 20:24

She is 15. It will grow back.

Hufflepods · 31/08/2023 20:25

At 15 she’s old enough to get whatever she wants at the hairdressers. I thought this was going to be a young child based on the title!

Simonjt · 31/08/2023 20:26

Mullets are in, you should see the monstrosity on my husbands head. She’s 15, her hair her choice, and hopefully old enough not to limit her options by considering those who may tease her and paving her own way instead.

DyslexicPoster · 31/08/2023 20:26

My husband gave my son 15 a buzz cut at the beginning of last summer. He still looked like action man when term started. His school photo was at the beginning of term.

That photo still gives me the rage. His smug almost bald head, beeming mockingly at me from the book shelf.

He loved it, which is what I'm lead to belive, the important thing. No lesson was learned by dh or ds. I'd be mad too. I feel your pain.

AnnaTortoiseshell · 31/08/2023 20:27

Honestly what was your MIL supposed to do? She’s 15, it’s her hair. I think mullets are (inexplicably) fashionable again, not that it’s particularly relevant.

I wonder why your DD felt she had to do this ‘behind your back’.

Canthave2manycats · 31/08/2023 20:28

Let it g(r)o(w)...

kierenthecommunity · 31/08/2023 20:29

MerryMarigold · 31/08/2023 20:11

She may have. I'm 50 and I remember this haircut. I envied those who could carry it off and it was considered the height of fashion.

It's actually super cool currently according to my teenage kids.

Show quote history

I’m 51 and actually had one. I couldn’t carry it off either, it looked terrible 🤣 I ended up having it cut short - which is an option for the OPs DD if she doesn’t want to wait to grow it out when she inevitably decides she hates it 😉

WandaWonder · 31/08/2023 20:29

15 Is this a joke?, why on earth is permission needed?

AnneValentine · 31/08/2023 20:29

When she reaches out thank her for having your teen to stay and apologise for your reaction.

jannier · 31/08/2023 20:30

All teenagers rebel take a breath and let her get on with it. If school says it's a problem she will have to see if a hairdresser can fix it or work from home.

BoohooWoohoo · 31/08/2023 20:30

Mullets seem to be very popular rn but they have other names like Wolf cut

She's 15 and should be allowed to wear her hair in whatever style she fancies. MIL is not unreasonable to take her to the salon. She's also reasonable not to stop it or assume that dd needed permission at 15.
If she was 5 then I'd agree with you but she's 15 so you need to let it go.

smashburger · 31/08/2023 20:30

Get a hair appointment booked for when she gets home so it can be fixed before school starts

kierenthecommunity · 31/08/2023 20:30

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 31/08/2023 20:11

Why did you have to clarify that your daughter is female?

Or the MIL either

All the ages in the tale make it sound very Take a Break. Ok, DDs age may have been relevant but no one else’s 🤣

Squirrelsnut · 31/08/2023 20:33

New mullets are all the rage. I wouldn't sweat it. Bad haircuts are obligatory when a teen.

CaptainMyCaptain · 31/08/2023 20:33

smashburger · 31/08/2023 20:30

Get a hair appointment booked for when she gets home so it can be fixed before school starts

Why would that be necessary? I doubt if this style is against the rules. Rules about hair are usually about health and safety (hair in your eyes or getting trapped in equipment etc) or gang culture like lines cut in boys hair. This style doesn't sound problematic.

Oysterbabe · 31/08/2023 20:34

At 15 she can choose her own hairstyle.
You just don't like your MIL right?

Canyousewcushions · 31/08/2023 20:34

She's 15, it's fine.

And the modern mullet is very much a thing, it's highly unlikely she'll be teased.

Mojoj · 31/08/2023 20:35

Is it your hair? She's 15! Can she not decide for herself which type of haircut she wants?

FabYouLus · 31/08/2023 20:35

Does your daughetr like it? I f she thinks it looks good I'd go with her opinion. Self confidence is everyrhing at 15.

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