MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?

[Notkenough]

Hi all need advice asap. My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers while away with them for a week and allowed her to get what for want of a better description I’d say is a mullet - shaved right up the sides, very short on top and thick in the back. She is due back at school in her last year in a week and a half. Not only is the hair highly unsuitable for school I am hugely concerned she will be bullied for it and her hair grows very slowly. I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible but I am furious with my inlaws. In my opinion it’s literally a 15 year olds job to make stupid decisions but in my absence surely it’s theirs to stop her from doing so not actively facilitate it by taking her to the hairdressers and paying for it ?? To add insult to injury she hasn’t reached out in any way shape or form to address this after apparently my OH(m37) told her to give me time to calm down. The longer it has gone on the more I am feeling disrespected and and at the point where I no longer feel I can make a logical decision. He has this evening informed me he has reached out to her to make contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I have my own thoughts but am curious what you’d all do? Thanks for reading x Apologies for the grammar I’m on my phone and multitasking x

Am I reading this correctly? Are you saying your friend cut their own hair and you almost stopped talking to them?

I was expecting this post to be about a 5 year old. A 15 year old is old enough to decide about a hair cut - mullet or not mullet. Yabu, sorry.

If she starts with the dye, just hide all the good towels, and the walls, and floor, and cats.

Probably been said a million times now but this one is on your daughter. My DD of same age takes herself to the hairdresser and as it's her hair she can do what she pleases (within school limitations). For what it's worth a couple of her friends have had a similar hairstyle and it looks great.

I hate mullets (f45) but they are trendy at the moment. My son (m13) wouldn't get his hair cut at all not even tidied up so is shoulder length. Hopefully he'll get told off at school and I'll have a reason to take him to the barbershop... You just need to let this go. Take photos and accept she's her own person.

You are being unreasonable for using “reached out” and “disrespected”. It’s just hair.

Oh wow this has me thinking about when I was 14 and I dyed my (very ginger and very long) hair jet black at home, cut it to my shoulders and gave myself a fringe. It was patchy, uneven, my fringe was like curtains. My mum's only words to me when she seen it were "I'm not paying to get that fixed." And life went on.

She's 15, OP. Could have easily gone to the hairdressers herself or done a DIY job at home. She's chosen a style that seems to be quite in fashion at the moment and whilst it might not be something you like, I'd let it go.

The OP seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth! Looks like she's not getting the response she hoped for.

I thought I read 5 not 15!

Yes, 15 year olds make ridiculous fashion choices - I agree, take loads of photos and they will be hilarious in future.

Be prepared that there may be fallout from the school. Or maybe not.

I'd let MIL know 'When I saw you'd done something that alters my daughter's appearance and possibly affects her image at school without consulting me, I was upset and angry. It felt disrespectful.

I've calmed down from the initial shock at how she looks, but going forward - please don't do anything like that again. OK?'

Then let it go.

The OP seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth! Looks like she's not getting the response she hoped for

Have some faith. Likely out shopping and now at MIL’s with a lovely gift along with her apology for being such an utter dick. Maybe really busy as also trying to do something with daughter if untoward comments were made re hair.

Yeah...don't do this, OP.

She is 15, no 5...

Teenagers experiment with their looks all the time.

Are you suggesting that girls should all have long, bland haircuts?

Would you have reacted the same if it was a boy who had wanted a haircut with shaved sides?

I would rather have a girl than chooses individuality rather than one who wants to be a Kardashian clone...

She’s 15, not 5

She's probably combusted.

YABU. She’s 15, she could walk into any hairdresser’s alone and get whatever haircut she wanted without you, or your MIL, being there. The fact that your MIL was there was irrelevant.

I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible

She’s FIFTEEN. She doesn’t need ‘sensible’ hair. She’s got the rest of her life to have boring hair. Just let her have fun with her hair.

Tbh I thought you were going to say your daughter was 5 !

Your MIL probably thinks it's a dreadful hair cut too!!!

But let a 15 year old get on with it. As you should.

I had some dreadful hairstyles, at my own instigation, as a teenager. My mum just rolled her eyes.

Now I have kids I realise how well she handled it.

I don't think it's your MiL's fault.

It could be the first of many awful haircuts. I think you need to chill.

C'est la vie.

You see some of the haircuts my 16 yr old comes home with😆

He's a boy but they're still ridiculous.

He favours a mullet too 🤦‍♀️😉

Absolutely do this!

Gorgeous mullet.

Yabu for the phrase "reached out" and yabu about your mil as your dd is old enough to make her own hairstyle decisions.

You are being a control freak, your daughter can make her own decisions, your MIL owes you no apology, oh and btw mullets are right back in fashion atm for both boys and girls, especially teenagers! Your concerned about her getting bullied about it but by the sounds of it the one person who will be making her feel bad about her hair right now is you OP.

I do understand, but it is absolutely a rite of passage to have that one bad haircut in your teens.
make sure you take a lot of moody photos of her so she has a marvellous keepsake to show her kids and grandkids.

if it’s truly a badly done cut, she can always have some extensions put in till it grows out again.

ultimately, it’s her hair, her choice.

YABtotallyU (and not just for the age/f/m nonsense). At that age i had my hair cut in a cropped super short, a year later at 16 i went and died it bright green. My mum was furious but i'd made my owm way to town and gone by myself so nothing she could do.
She'll be fine and it'll grow out.