MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?

[Notkenough]

Hi all need advice asap. My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers while away with them for a week and allowed her to get what for want of a better description I’d say is a mullet - shaved right up the sides, very short on top and thick in the back. She is due back at school in her last year in a week and a half. Not only is the hair highly unsuitable for school I am hugely concerned she will be bullied for it and her hair grows very slowly. I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible but I am furious with my inlaws. In my opinion it’s literally a 15 year olds job to make stupid decisions but in my absence surely it’s theirs to stop her from doing so not actively facilitate it by taking her to the hairdressers and paying for it ?? To add insult to injury she hasn’t reached out in any way shape or form to address this after apparently my OH(m37) told her to give me time to calm down. The longer it has gone on the more I am feeling disrespected and and at the point where I no longer feel I can make a logical decision. He has this evening informed me he has reached out to her to make contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I have my own thoughts but am curious what you’d all do? Thanks for reading x Apologies for the grammar I’m on my phone and multitasking x

I almost stopped speaking to a friend when she cut her beautiful hair off, so I can understand your upset, OP. But when you think of all the other problems one can have with a teenager, a bad haircut is the least of your worries.

YABVU and should apologise in spades for causing such a fuss with MIL. Surely, at 15yo the same thing would have happened at home? You don’t march a 15yo to a hairdresser and dictate what they get surely? I would give mine an amount and if they wanted something over that amount they had to pay the rest. I saw them when they got home. Only exception was one with SN who was so anxious and once hairdresser started touching them they went mute so I had to ascertain beforehand what they wanted and go convey this and make sure they were ok and got what they wanted, whatever that may be and even if I didn’t like it. It’s not my hair. Surely that’s what MIL did - took a 15yo who said they wanted a hair cut, went off, had coffee, came back and paid bill as their treat. That’s normal behaviour, it seems you are the odd one.

Mine used to get stupid stuff at that age. My only stipulation was the ones at private schools had to ensure it was within rules during term time. So they would go get green hair with weird cuts and stuff at start of summer vacation and then go back and have it dyed over at end at their own expense (although one couldn’t be dyed over so they went back as a bleach blonde as stripping to that extent was only way to get rid, then had to end up with ultra short cut as hair all broke off - but was a good life lesson for them). The ones at public school, meh, there were ‘rules’ but technically unenforceable and I’d step in on that front if necessary so they kept whatever they had.

You sound just more than a little irrational.

Your DD is 15. It's up to her how she has her hair.

Your MIL has been asked to give you time to calm down (which in itself is more than a little dramatic) and she has quite kindly honoured the request. But you somehow expect her to know that you've calmed down telepathically and you now require her to reach out to you. Why she would do that I don't know as she has nothing to apologise for?

Tbh you should be reaching out to her to apologise for overreacting and potentially causing ill feeling.

Mullets are in fashion again right now. So with any luck no teasing will occur.

Yes - the teenage photos had us rolling about laughing. We (my brother and I) found an astonishing box of memories that mum had squirrelled away.

I'm going to start one for my children to discover. Sorry if that sounds morbid and derails the thread.

@Notkenough "I’m on my phone and multitasking"

Why?

Tbh you should be reaching out to her to apologise for overreacting and potentially causing ill feeling

This.

Do we think OP thinks she's BU yet?

@Blueink

After having quite long hair since I got married (36 yrs) I think that my hairdresser is gradually taking me back towards the cabbage look. He thinks I haven't noticed.

My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers

What new Mumsnet code hell is this?!

Agree with others - she's 15. Her choice. She'll survive.

It’s not a wacky colour.

Luckily I live in a country where a wacky colour is perfectly acceptable even at primary school. It'll wash out in time anyway.

Not the point of the thread, I know.

I (59f) wonder what all the weird labelling is about? It matters not one jot how old you or your mil are and really distracted me from your post.

I’m glad it’s not common here as it’s annoying.

Same. No way would I have tolerated parents deciding my haircut. At 15, my dd totally refuses to get her hair cut. It will make it shorter apparently and she wants it as long as possible, regardless of the condition.

She’s old enough to make her own mistakes and learn from them… and you are old enough to know that exerting such control either with your daughter or your mil will end up impoverishing your relationship with either or both.

So your daughter chose a hair cut you hate.

you blame your MIL.

your husband told MIL to leave you to calm down.

She did this

you’re now mad she didn’t disrespect what she thought were your wishes??

poor MIL

Ha ha, even the teens will soon be asking for “the cabbage” instead of a wolf cut.

You wear if well ; )

At age 15 she can decide how she wants her hair I'm afraid. My daughter is 13 and when we visit a salon I let her talk and explain what she wants done (thankfully nothing crazy....yet)

How DARE your MIL do this. I'd be FUMING were this me.

Nah...just kidding. I sincerely feel you at totally overreacting. Your daughter is 15 years, not 15 months and it's her body (well, mullet) and, thus, her boundaries.

A "severe" haircut? Really?!

Bloody hell, if your MIL had taken your daughter to a crack den, I'd understand your anger, but come the fuck on...a 15 year old getting her hair styled to her liking? Check your conservative, internal prejudice, as you think she might be bullied for a pretty commonplace - if very 2020 - hairstyle?!

If her school classifies an haircut that a male student wouldn't be pulled up on as 'extreme' and places her in isolation, I hope she has the confidence to challenge this, as Mummy clearly isn't in her corner.

I'd drop all pugilistic fantasies agin MIL, try to haircut shame your teenage daughter and maybe consider some restorative meditation.

Good on your DD! It’s likely to be fine at school and great to hear of a girl getting a more edgy haircut, a change from the boring generic long hair that everyone has these days. She will likely be the height of cool at school, mullets are very fashionable again.

Besides it’s your daughters hair, not your mums, not yours and it’s your daughters choice what she does with it

Lastly it’s just hair! It’s not a tattoo

My mind is blown that you’d even consider controlling which kind of haircut your 15 year old would get.

Is your daughter happy with the haircut? If yes then you are being unreasonable.

If she was pressured into it by MIL and is upset then you are not being unreasonable.

Quite, my Dd at that age did all sorts of things with her hair.
Her hair, her choice.

I thought you were going to say she was 5!

shes 15! It’s her hair not yours. Ok the nicest possible way at OP, get over it.

If your daughter likes her hair, I truly just hope you haven’t been vocal with her about what YOU think of it.
if she was happy and you ruined that / stomped on her self esteem, that’s the thing you really should be most concerned about here.