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Original poster

MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?

347 replies

Notkenough · 31/08/2023 19:47

Hi all need advice asap. My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers while away with them for a week and allowed her to get what for want of a better description I’d say is a mullet - shaved right up the sides, very short on top and thick in the back. She is due back at school in her last year in a week and a half. Not only is the hair highly unsuitable for school I am hugely concerned she will be bullied for it and her hair grows very slowly. I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible but I am furious with my inlaws. In my opinion it’s literally a 15 year olds job to make stupid decisions but in my absence surely it’s theirs to stop her from doing so not actively facilitate it by taking her to the hairdressers and paying for it ?? To add insult to injury she hasn’t reached out in any way shape or form to address this after apparently my OH(m37) told her to give me time to calm down. The longer it has gone on the more I am feeling disrespected and and at the point where I no longer feel I can make a logical decision. He has this evening informed me he has reached out to her to make contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I have my own thoughts but am curious what you’d all do? Thanks for reading x Apologies for the grammar I’m on my phone and multitasking x

OP posts:
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8
Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 31/08/2023 22:47

your daughter is 15, the only unreasonable thing is she should be getting haircuts on her own. She shouldn’t need an adult to do this with.

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 22:53

Nanny0gg · 31/08/2023 22:46

A lot of schools won't agree with you there.

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Really? What would be the possible issue?

GettingStuffed · 31/08/2023 22:57

I've seen quite a few teenagers with mullets in the last few weeks.

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 23:00

GettingStuffed · 31/08/2023 22:57

I've seen quite a few teenagers with mullets in the last few weeks.

Highly fashionable ATM!

EconomyClassRockstar · 31/08/2023 23:00

My son has a mullet. I think it looks quite cute on him but, even if I didn't, it's not my hair and not my issue. It's definitely not your MILs problem.

DragonFly98 · 31/08/2023 23:06

18 is a young adult 15 is a child but yes she can choose her own hairstyle if it's allowed at school.

cocoromo · 31/08/2023 23:06

You do need to let it go. It’s going to grow back, no lasting damage - her choice at that age. Definitely not worth falling out with family over.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 31/08/2023 23:08

Meant to add I also think the modern mullet looks cool and really trendy but I think at 54 if I got one my son would disown me ha!!!!! Prefer the mullet look rather than that fake long ratty hair extensions that look like they need 6 inches cut off of them. oh to be 15 again when I shaved the sides of my hair.

Gremlinsateit · 31/08/2023 23:08

I’m very sorry for your loss @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche . How lovely that she kept your hair and the photo - great photo too 💐

DragonFly98 · 31/08/2023 23:09

livinglifetothefull · 31/08/2023 20:18

Shes a young adult 15 not 5 leave her alone its her head you do sound a bit controlling .
My sisters daughter shaved her head number 4 shes 16.
It not the mil to blame im sure if your daughter didnt want it she would have said something .
My mother controlled everything i remember when my sisters twins was 15 and had knee length hair went on holiday with my aunt phone mum to ask if they could have their hair cut mum said yes . They came back a week later with short back and sides mum lost her shit gran told her to shut up and stop controlling them you said they could have it done . onwards 30 year both twins still have short hair and no contact with mum.

Amazing how many posters do not know the age of adulthood.

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 23:10

DragonFly98 · 31/08/2023 23:09

Amazing how many posters do not know the age of adulthood.

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What’s the age of consent for a haircut?

Djmaggie · 31/08/2023 23:12

She’s 15! Her Grandparent is not going to have any say in her choice of hairstyle!

SoShallINever · 31/08/2023 23:21

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 23:10

What’s the age of consent for a haircut?

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Completely ridiculous to suggest that a 15yesr old does not have autonomy over how she wants her hair to look. It's just a bloody haircut. Not permenant, fashions come and go and one day she'll look back and cringe, same as we all did.

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 23:24

SoShallINever · 31/08/2023 23:21

Completely ridiculous to suggest that a 15yesr old does not have autonomy over how she wants her hair to look. It's just a bloody haircut. Not permenant, fashions come and go and one day she'll look back and cringe, same as we all did.

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To be clear, I’m happy that 15 is well able to consent to a haircut.

As we all did!

Nanny0gg · 31/08/2023 23:30

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 22:53

Really? What would be the possible issue?

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Some, especially academies, have lots of rules about uniform and 'extreme' (ie not conventional) hairstyles

ImNotWorthy · 31/08/2023 23:36

I used to go to a hairdresser on the way home from school, from about the age of 13 paid for with cash given to me by DM in the morning. I remember agonising about a tip.

I chose quite conservative short haircuts, but so many times was in tears afterwards as they never came out like they were in the photos! It would always take a few days to come to terms with it...

Mind you, I'm an old gimmer.

CJsGoldfish · 31/08/2023 23:39

What an overreaction 😂

It's just hair. That's what I tell myself when my teen dd changes her hairstyle.
At 13 she went from long blonde hair to that one side shaved, long over the top kinda style. She LOVED it. I loved that she loved it.
Because it is HER hair and she does what she wants with it. As she should. She's had to 'fix' it when school deemed it not suitable once but that's part of the learning process.
It makes her happy and is one of few things she really has control over.
Let it be OP. It's not your hair 🤷‍♀️

Shelby2010 · 31/08/2023 23:40

The ‘modern mullet’ is apparently very trendy right now, so doubt she’ll get bullied for it. Personally I think it looks hideously old fashioned, but that’s because I was a teenager when it was originally in fashion.

Mamanyt · 31/08/2023 23:42

It's hair. It wiII grow back. I get being upset, but...if she is teased at schooI, she'II have Iearned a vaIuabIe Iesson. Of aII the things she couId have done to assert her individuaIity, this is one of the most innocuous.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 31/08/2023 23:53

Gremlinsateit · 31/08/2023 23:08

I’m very sorry for your loss @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche . How lovely that she kept your hair and the photo - great photo too 💐

🥰

Don't think my mum liked my hair either but she never said so. Don't think she liked the Goth phase which followed shortly after that. She didn't like the micro short 'uniform' I had to wear when I got a part time job in a nightclub whilst doing my degree.

The phases don't last.

She always told me I looked great!

The old photos are fantastic to look back on - the OP will also look back with fondness, as my dad eventually did.

tiredofthenoise · 31/08/2023 23:56

I'd be annoyed, but what's done is done. If it's actually going to cause problems with her education, I'd have DH tell MIL that. Maybe give her a clue to not allow drastic changes on her watch without at least consulting with one of her grandchild's parents.

Otherwise, write out everything you'd like to say to her, then burn it and let it go. You're only hurting yourself by seething over it (though I don't blame you, because it was stupid of both your daughter and your MIL to get what sounds like an utterly hideous haircut).

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/09/2023 00:01

I love how you put everybody's ages as though you are a daily mail journalist.

Is your daughter happy with her hair? If so, I'd just let her get on with it and take loads of photos for when she's older. When she has a teenager of her own then it's time to put one of those photos on the mantelpiece. At least you didn't have to pay for it.

Soitwillbefine · 01/09/2023 00:01

Being pissed of with MIL is only really valid if your DD said ‘can you take me to and pay for a haircut that will royally enrage my DM?’

I’d be (silently) annoyed about a stupid looking haircut too but what can you do? She’s 15, it’s her hair, if she wants a haircut you hate then so be it.

My mum got really territorial and entitled about my hair when I was a teenager and it enraged me. It still bugs me now if she compliments my hair - as if she has some ownership of it.

Blowdown · 01/09/2023 00:02

tiredofthenoise · 31/08/2023 23:56

I'd be annoyed, but what's done is done. If it's actually going to cause problems with her education, I'd have DH tell MIL that. Maybe give her a clue to not allow drastic changes on her watch without at least consulting with one of her grandchild's parents.

Otherwise, write out everything you'd like to say to her, then burn it and let it go. You're only hurting yourself by seething over it (though I don't blame you, because it was stupid of both your daughter and your MIL to get what sounds like an utterly hideous haircut).

Do you not think at 15 DD should’ve consulted her DPs?

is she not old enough to be responsible?

MsRosley · 01/09/2023 00:02

I think everyone has learned a valuable lesson.

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