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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?

347 replies

Notkenough · 31/08/2023 19:47

Hi all need advice asap. My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers while away with them for a week and allowed her to get what for want of a better description I’d say is a mullet - shaved right up the sides, very short on top and thick in the back. She is due back at school in her last year in a week and a half. Not only is the hair highly unsuitable for school I am hugely concerned she will be bullied for it and her hair grows very slowly. I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible but I am furious with my inlaws. In my opinion it’s literally a 15 year olds job to make stupid decisions but in my absence surely it’s theirs to stop her from doing so not actively facilitate it by taking her to the hairdressers and paying for it ?? To add insult to injury she hasn’t reached out in any way shape or form to address this after apparently my OH(m37) told her to give me time to calm down. The longer it has gone on the more I am feeling disrespected and and at the point where I no longer feel I can make a logical decision. He has this evening informed me he has reached out to her to make contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I have my own thoughts but am curious what you’d all do? Thanks for reading x Apologies for the grammar I’m on my phone and multitasking x

OP posts:
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8
Oioicaptain · 31/08/2023 22:12

My (42DD), would personally let it go now. Your in-laws most likely didn't know exactly what she 2as going to have done. They should have thought about the school rules and should have offered to pay for another appointment to sort it out for school. It's a decision that your 15year old made though. Don't assume that she will get teased. It might be very much on trend right now, hard as that may be to believe!).

Palindrone · 31/08/2023 22:12

A few years ago my DM watched my DD (3) for all of 2 hours while I had a job interview and delivered her back with a home-cut fringe... the fringe we'd spent the previous year growing out. I was gobsmacked DD sat still long enough for her to do it because the very reason we grew it out was because she would scream blue murder every time anyone came near her with scissors.

When I expressed my feelings about this all I got back from DM was, "Well, I think she looks much better with a fringe."

Cue the following year growing the fringe out again...

I haven't asked her to look after DD since and neither has she offered.

I can see why you're pissed off and I don't think you're being unreasonable. However, I think back to when I was 15 and I hacked my beautiful long hair off myself into a crop that made me look like I'd been attacked by a lawnmower, so I take the point others are making about rites of passage too.

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 31/08/2023 22:13

When you first see it be astonished at how much it suits her.

MrsSkylerWhite · 31/08/2023 22:15

What do all the numbers mean?
(missing point entirely …. )

NewName122 · 31/08/2023 22:17

Was ready to say YANBU thinking she would be 4 or something. She's 15!!!! YABVU! Her hair her choice.

FictionalCharacter · 31/08/2023 22:21

I thought you were going to say she was 5!
I don’t see how MIL is to blame unless she marched dd into the hairdresser and demanded a bad haircut against her will. If it was DD’s choice, then dd is responsible for it.

BustyLaRoux · 31/08/2023 22:24

She’s 15. You don’t get a say in her choice of haircut. By the time I was 15 I had bleached my hair, dyed it blue, black, purple, had an undercut, dreadlocked my hair….. my DS is 13 and I wouldn’t dream of telling him what hair he could and couldn’t have. You’re ridiculous to get annoyed about this.

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 31/08/2023 22:27

What's everyone besides your daughters ages got to do with anything

grumpycow1 · 31/08/2023 22:28

But she could walk into any hair dresser at 15 and ask for a haircut. Yes a bit shit to not tell you in advance that’s what your daughter wanted to do. But ultimately her hair, her choice and if there are any consequences with school, it’s a learning curve. If she gets bullied over a haircut that’s pathetic. FYI I work in a uni and all the cool kids have mullets…

Cardboardcup · 31/08/2023 22:30

Id be furious too but you don’t get any support on mumsnet!

marthadumptru · 31/08/2023 22:30

At 15 I wouldn't care if that's what my DD wanted.

WobblyLondoner · 31/08/2023 22:33

Bloody hell, at that age my hair stood on end and was dark pink - I think you've got off lightly!!

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 22:34

Cardboardcup · 31/08/2023 22:30

Id be furious too but you don’t get any support on mumsnet!

You can get reasonable reasons why you don’t need support though!

do you honestly think at 15 you can decide on a DDs hair style choice?

WobblyLondoner · 31/08/2023 22:34

WobblyLondoner · 31/08/2023 22:33

Bloody hell, at that age my hair stood on end and was dark pink - I think you've got off lightly!!

F (55)...

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 22:35

WobblyLondoner · 31/08/2023 22:33

Bloody hell, at that age my hair stood on end and was dark pink - I think you've got off lightly!!

I always wanted highly coloured hair but my hair was so dark it never bloody took!

Gnomegnomegnome · 31/08/2023 22:37

Is your daughter happy? Surely that’s all that matters?

billy1966 · 31/08/2023 22:41

The issue is the impact on her schooling.

Everything else is secondary IMO.

Any 15 year old with money in their pocket could do that.

I would take a breath, this is 100% on your daughter.

Had she paid for a tattoo I would be very upset.

The hair cut is really on your daughter.

Focus on that and whether she can return to school.

WobblyLondoner · 31/08/2023 22:41

@Blowdown my natural colour was dark brown so I bleached it first and then died it pink. All my own work. You can imagine the state of my poor hair.

Seriously OP this is part of growing of up. An important part.

billy1966 · 31/08/2023 22:43

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 22:35

I always wanted highly coloured hair but my hair was so dark it never bloody took!

Show quote history

I dyed mine dark purple/pink.

It was fabulous in the sun, so shiny.

I would take hair any day over a tattoo or a big nose piercing that leaves a hole.

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 22:44

WobblyLondoner · 31/08/2023 22:41

@Blowdown my natural colour was dark brown so I bleached it first and then died it pink. All my own work. You can imagine the state of my poor hair.

Seriously OP this is part of growing of up. An important part.

I needed you to be my friend!

Gremlinsateit · 31/08/2023 22:45

This is bringing back happy memories of my (antediluvian F) short bob with undercut and spikey fringe at around the same age in the mid 80s, the golden age of hairstyles - I have never been so fashionable since 😁

Nanny0gg · 31/08/2023 22:46

Thintelligencerising · 31/08/2023 19:49

At 15, I feel your daughter should be allowed to make her own decisions about her hair. This isn't worth a battle. Not with anyone.

A lot of schools won't agree with you there.

ZadocPDederick · 31/08/2023 22:46

GalileoHumpkins · 31/08/2023 20:43

Can people please stop saying reach out? It sounds so bloody stupid in my (54f) opinion.

This. Reaching out means stretching your hand out.

MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?
Scaredycatttt · 31/08/2023 22:46

Im pretty sure I was fully goth by 15...

Batalax · 31/08/2023 22:47

I’m afraid at 15 you have to let go and trust they make sensible decisions - probably with a few mistakes on the way. You learn by your mistakes…

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