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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend expects me to pay for everything

391 replies

Fanofbeasmith · 29/08/2023 23:50

My boyfriend gave up his job and now expects me to pay for everything.

He has this idea that if he wasn't with me he wouldn't be eating in this place or that, he wouldn't be visiting this place or that, so he just let's me pay. He's right, yesterday we did a day out with my children, brunch out, tea out, all in all it cost me over £300 for the day plus the takeaway the night before. If he wasn't with me he'd make food at home. But he didn't, he joined in.

I hate that attitude, it's really giving me the ick.

Last week we ate in a nice restaurant, i paid. Later I asked for the money, he said he thought I was treating him because he's not working. But why should I?

He's a nice guy other than this. He's kind, he's funny, I love being with him. But I can't help feeling used. He chooses not to work, I work hard and obvs have a lot more disposable money than him. But really although I earn a good salary, he is much better off, he's a home owner, no mortgage, I rent and have children. I'm using credit cards to live, he's increasing his savings even while not working.

I can't bear to speak to him ATM so just wondered if I'm being ridiculous?

OP posts:
TroglodytesTroglodytes · 29/08/2023 23:52

Unfortunately you feel used because you are being used.

Toucan123 · 29/08/2023 23:53

He's using you. You deserve so much better.

echt · 29/08/2023 23:53

He's not nice, kind and what he's doing isn't funny.

ErrolTheDragon · 29/08/2023 23:55

I can't bear to speak to him ATM so just wondered if I'm being ridiculous?

You're being ridiculous to stay with this guy.
Choosing to give up work and not paying your way is pretty despicable.

wowthatsharsh · 29/08/2023 23:57

Bring mean is SUCH an unattractive trait.

He's not just mean though, he's absolutely taking advantage of you!

Don't let him get away with it!

BoohooWoohoo · 29/08/2023 23:57

Not the answer that you're looking for but I had to read your last sentence twice because he's treating you like an ATM and you used the acronym. (Freudian slip?)

It is normal to be pissed off at being his cash point when your kids could be benefitting from your hard earned cash.

Robotalkingrubbish · 29/08/2023 23:57

How can you even ask? You know this isn’t right, you can do better. Get rid!

Whataretheodds · 29/08/2023 23:58

Why did he quit his job?

Just don't invite him out, then there will be no need to pay for him.

JoIo · 29/08/2023 23:58

You're also insane for spending £300 on days out, lavish meals out whilst living off credit cards.....

Changingplace · 29/08/2023 23:59

Ugh no wonder you have the ick, stop paying for everything right now, he needs to start working and pay his own way.

Explain to him you can’t/won’t keep paying for him anymore- where is he living, how is he paying his bills if he’s not working?

murasaki · 29/08/2023 23:59

Well, if he's said that if he wasn't with you he wouldn't be eating in this place or going to that place, make it so that that is his reality. He is a freeloading cocklodger of the highest order. You work why shouldn't he?

TomatoSandwiches · 30/08/2023 00:00

He is using you, he isn't a nice guy at all, you need to cotton on that you're supplementing him, stop doing that.

FOJN · 30/08/2023 00:00

For goodness sake get rid of him, he's a sponger and you are being used. Why would you pay for everything and live on credit cards to fund a man who chooses not to work.

Changingplace · 30/08/2023 00:01

he's increasing his savings even while not working.

How? What income is adding to his savings?

BranchGold · 30/08/2023 00:01

I voted yabu for even entertaining this bollocks.

Honestly Stick a vibrator on the credit card, cut all your cards up and then make sure he’s dumped.

Are you not embarrassed??

JaneorEleven · 30/08/2023 00:01

He is a user. He’s taking money from you and your children to fund his lifestyle, and he’s a lazy tossed to boot. Put your kids first, and Get rid of him.

AluckyEllie · 30/08/2023 00:01

Ditch him. He’s a chancer just looking for a free ride. Did he have a career or was the house an inheritance?

Uterusbegone · 30/08/2023 00:01

You are not being ridiculous, he is using you. I would suggest that he should no longer participate in these types of things if he expects to be paid for

JudyGemstone · 30/08/2023 00:02

stop inviting him, just go out with your kids.

men that leech off single mums are th me worst

caringcarer · 30/08/2023 00:02

If he doesn't have money coming in how on earth can he increase his savings? I'd like some of this magic too. Don't invite him out then you won't have to pay for him. Stop putting things on credit cards. You'll end up paying a lot of interest. Xmas is coming and you have DC to think about. Let him invite you out.

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/08/2023 00:02

Yes he is using you. And he cannot genuinely care about you at all - to be fully cognisant of your financial situation and still leech off you.

You can’t condemn yourself to a future with this tight-fisted taker.

toomuchlaundry · 30/08/2023 00:06

That’s an expensive day out, which you obviously can’t afford even without him sponging off you

pamplemoussemousse · 30/08/2023 00:07

Bin him.

If he's increasing his savings (how?) while you live off credit cards subsidising him then it's a hard no from me, being tight is an awful quality.

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/08/2023 00:08

He is such a user! How can you have any respect for him? Of course you should dump him. He's a useless selfish using bastard.

NoSquirrels · 30/08/2023 00:09

He chooses not to work

That’s his choice. You do not need to pay for it.

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