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Original poster

My boyfriend expects me to pay for everything

391 replies

Fanofbeasmith · 29/08/2023 23:50

My boyfriend gave up his job and now expects me to pay for everything.

He has this idea that if he wasn't with me he wouldn't be eating in this place or that, he wouldn't be visiting this place or that, so he just let's me pay. He's right, yesterday we did a day out with my children, brunch out, tea out, all in all it cost me over £300 for the day plus the takeaway the night before. If he wasn't with me he'd make food at home. But he didn't, he joined in.

I hate that attitude, it's really giving me the ick.

Last week we ate in a nice restaurant, i paid. Later I asked for the money, he said he thought I was treating him because he's not working. But why should I?

He's a nice guy other than this. He's kind, he's funny, I love being with him. But I can't help feeling used. He chooses not to work, I work hard and obvs have a lot more disposable money than him. But really although I earn a good salary, he is much better off, he's a home owner, no mortgage, I rent and have children. I'm using credit cards to live, he's increasing his savings even while not working.

I can't bear to speak to him ATM so just wondered if I'm being ridiculous?

OP posts:
TerrorAustralis · 30/08/2023 05:17

He's telling you that he would be happy with toast at home, but he's not having toast at home, is he? He's out with you. If he comes along, he pays. If he doesn't want to pay, he eats toast at home. It's that simple.

That said, do you really want to be with someone who never wants to go out or spend money on anything, ever? Do you want to be with someone who is happy to lie to defraud utility companies? Do you want to be with someone who is happy to take money out of you and your children's family budget, just so he doesn't have to spend any of his own money?

There's a difference between being careful with money and being a miser. It's clear which one he is.

Newestname002 · 30/08/2023 05:21

Ridemeginger · 30/08/2023 00:17

Why are you bringing a disrespectful cocklodger into the lives of your children? In using up your funds, he - and you too - are depriving them of funds that will be needed to provide them with a secure future. You are renting and living off credit cards. You cannot afford to be so irresponsible with the money you have when you have children depending on you. Dump him, and don't enter into another relationship where you put your children in financial jeopardy.

I couldn't have said it better.

Come in OP - this man is blatantly using you. He's sounds good at it - he's obviously very practised.

Get rid - he's really not adding anything real to your life or the lives of your children. 🌹

momonpurpose · 30/08/2023 05:26

TerrorAustralis · 30/08/2023 05:17

He's telling you that he would be happy with toast at home, but he's not having toast at home, is he? He's out with you. If he comes along, he pays. If he doesn't want to pay, he eats toast at home. It's that simple.

That said, do you really want to be with someone who never wants to go out or spend money on anything, ever? Do you want to be with someone who is happy to lie to defraud utility companies? Do you want to be with someone who is happy to take money out of you and your children's family budget, just so he doesn't have to spend any of his own money?

There's a difference between being careful with money and being a miser. It's clear which one he is.

This OP this!!! My friend has a saying a man stingy with money is stingy with his heart. This is no way to live.you deserve a partner who pays his share and treats you all sometimes too. You and he treating each other here and there. This man is a miser. Sending you a big hug

WandaWonder · 30/08/2023 05:32

Grown ups should work no one should rely on another that included single or people with children, there are lots of people who shack up with someone and expect them to pay

Bananalanacake · 30/08/2023 05:32

If he asks to move in with you so he can rent out his place just say no.

Malificent1 · 30/08/2023 05:47

He thinks you should pay for the pleasure of his company.

Tell him to fuck off home and eat his porridge.

Glittertwins · 30/08/2023 05:56

So he is lazy and a dishonest miser as well. Not the sort of person I'd want to be with, especially having children. I wouldn't want them to see this is an acceptable way to treat people or be treated themselves.

k1233 · 30/08/2023 05:58

If you're using credit cards to live I would say you don't have.ore disposable income than he does. You're living on credit meaning you don't have the cash to fund your lifestyle.

That aside, only have meals with him if he contributes. Does he live at his place or has he eased his way in to more than 50% at yours?

ZekeZeke · 30/08/2023 05:59

Malificent1 · 30/08/2023 05:47

He thinks you should pay for the pleasure of his company.

Tell him to fuck off home and eat his porridge.

This!
He is a parasite.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 30/08/2023 06:02

Dump his miserly arse, and take pleasure in doing it!

You’re incompatible. What more is there to say?

SmugglersHaunt · 30/08/2023 06:04

He’s a ponce and he’s using you.

hattie43 · 30/08/2023 06:08

I have to agree with everyone else . He sounds joyless , happy to spend your money but not his own . I hate tightness it just isn't an attractive quality . His ideas about frugal living would permeate into every aspect of family life . He wouldn't be someone I'd be sharing my life or free time with .

readbooksdrinktea · 30/08/2023 06:15

Stop being a mug. You're allowing this. So he takes advantage. He's obviously not nice. Start making other choices.

FarEast · 30/08/2023 06:16

He’s using you. He “chooses” not to work? Then there are consequences to his choices.

Poivresel · 30/08/2023 06:19

Before you dump him take him to a restaurant.
Order yourself and the kids a meal and get him a plate of chips.
I bet he'd kick off.

NutellaNut · 30/08/2023 06:30

He’s taking the piss out of you. Stop inviting him out for meals or paying for him. He’s treating you like a doormat, don’t let him! You’re enabling this behaviour, just stop doing it, end of story.

Viviennemary · 30/08/2023 06:32

Up to you. If it was the other way round man paying for everything some women would be quite happy with this arrangement. By personally I wouldn't be comfortable living off another adult. And wouldn't be happy paying for everything either. He must have savings or income. But even that isn't the point. He is a sponger.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 30/08/2023 06:38

I’ve got the ick for you tbh.

It seems he’s stingy in general but I couldn’t be with someone who expected me to pay every time. Every penny spent on him is money not spent on your dc. Get rid.

pictoosh · 30/08/2023 06:39

There's no debate. He's a cheapskate and a taker. Feels entitled to your money because he has chosen not to work. That is NUTS.
Get shot.

WhyEffingBother · 30/08/2023 06:50

Absolutely repulsive

Sparkletastic · 30/08/2023 06:56

Stop including this loser in outings with your DCs. You are setting them such a poor example of what adult relationships should be.

fruitypancake · 30/08/2023 06:56

You should absolutely be able to treat your kids whenever you want to .
He sounds like a drain ..

fruitypancake · 30/08/2023 06:58

Yolo12345 · 30/08/2023 01:29

Text him or say to him something like "hey, I've been meaning to let you know that I'm not going to be paying for your meals out from now on. So I completely understand if your prefer not to join us." And see what he replies.

Yes !! Do this

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 30/08/2023 06:58

If he wouldn't normally pay for / have a takeaway, day out, meal out then don't invite him. If he won't use his car then don't use yours when he's in it.

But I agree with pp, he's using you.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 30/08/2023 07:00

Or say to him 'I'm going to get a takeaway, your bit costs X can you let me have it now so I can order' if he refuses order yours and your dc.