My boyfriend expects me to pay for everything

[Fanofbeasmith]

My boyfriend gave up his job and now expects me to pay for everything.

He has this idea that if he wasn't with me he wouldn't be eating in this place or that, he wouldn't be visiting this place or that, so he just let's me pay. He's right, yesterday we did a day out with my children, brunch out, tea out, all in all it cost me over £300 for the day plus the takeaway the night before. If he wasn't with me he'd make food at home. But he didn't, he joined in.

I hate that attitude, it's really giving me the ick.

Last week we ate in a nice restaurant, i paid. Later I asked for the money, he said he thought I was treating him because he's not working. But why should I?

He's a nice guy other than this. He's kind, he's funny, I love being with him. But I can't help feeling used. He chooses not to work, I work hard and obvs have a lot more disposable money than him. But really although I earn a good salary, he is much better off, he's a home owner, no mortgage, I rent and have children. I'm using credit cards to live, he's increasing his savings even while not working.

I can't bear to speak to him ATM so just wondered if I'm being ridiculous?

...and do check out the situation re his minimalist unrealistic fuel bill (£25 per month). Is his home detached or no? I do suspect the next door neighbours are (unwittingly) covering his fuel bill for him - without their knowledge (ie because he is tapping into their meter).

He’s a lazy arse and a scrounger. Lazy men are no use to anybody. Please get shot of him and find someone worthy of you.

He’s not boyfriend material for you. Keep him as a shag-buddy or ditch him.

It seems to me he’s getting a lot out of this relationship, but you not so much.

Aside from everything else, what is this man teaching your children?

Freeloading off hardworking single parent is ok.
Toast and porridge on repeat is acceptable dinner.
Assuming he’s on benefits as he’s saving but not working, so teaching your kids this is normal/ok.

How does he act with your friends and family when you go out? Does he take the piss in front of them, too?

Ditch him and start paying off your credit card debt.

He’s a cocklodger….get rid!!!

He sounds absolutely vile. A total sponger - urgh. What could you possibly see in this man child ? He’s probably been a ponce all his life. You are just the latest victim.
Ick 🤢🤮 isnt a big enough word to describe this total waste of space and oxygen.

Get him in the bin! He's NOT a nice guy

He's a complete and utter user and useless man to you. Yes he's nice but he's bringing nothing to the table.

Have a real long think about your finances - you are spending way too much on credit cards - and him. Cost of living, etc bills are going up again this year as well as food. - Eating out is v expensive these days. Sure have a treat every once in a while but not with him.

Try to pay off your credit cards and stay in and cook bit more ( fun when kids get involved too !)
Sounds like you have a big heart but not getting much back in return.

get rid sorry hes taking you for a ride if he dosent contribute to anything hes no right to use it. stop paying with credit cards for everything cut them up live within youre means

You say he is funny and kind and nice to be around.
Yet when you look at his behaviour he is not being kind. He is free-loading off you and being tight to the extreme to facilitate meeting his own needs. There are people who live really frugally in order to not spend disposible income and therefore plough it into the bank into paying off mortgages early, building a pension pot and retire early with a nice pension. Thats probably what he did in order to pay off his mortgage. He is probably quite wealthy actually. He is certainly financially independent if he can afford to not work and not be concerned about it. But is he sharing his wealth with you? Not from what you have said. He is freeloading off you which is part of his overall strategy of living frugally to suit his needs and to prosper himself financially. That is not kind. That is not nice to be around.

So that means his main quality is funny. That is a lot of payoff and energy you are investing into a funny man who has nothing else to give. That is not a good role model of a relationship for your children to experience.

Relationships are about investing into into the relationship, eg in terms of energy, time, support, finances and committment. Maybe do a list of what you are investing and what he is investing into the relationship. That will show you the imbalance.

If you stay with him you can explect to be supporting his lifestyle and his personal financial indpendence ongoing - at the expense of yours. He will not get a job as he has no need to do so. He will maintain the status quo as long as he can as he is gaining lots from you. That is not a man who cares for you. That is a chancer who has manipulated himself a cushy relationship as an extra man child in your family. Personally as hard as it is, I would get rid of the additional child before he has the capacity to do any long term damage to you.

It will benefit you and the children in the long run to be rid of him.

Wishing you all the best !

He gave up his job to be another Cocklodger. Bravo. Now all you have to do is get rid of him, or this is your life going forward. I'm sure you're not desperate. You know you deserve better.

Don't let him gaslight you. He brings nothing to your life to improve it. It is practically a parasite. Get rid of and don't fall for sob stories and promises of change. I wonder if these pathetic men have taken notes from Tate.

If I were you, I would tell him that he doesn’t need to go to eat in this and that places with you if he doesn’t want to. If he is ok not joining you for sometimes, it means he is happy without spending time with you, so just break up with that guy.
If he feels being left out, then he knows he wants to join , he gets benefit and he needs to contribute.
But I would understand if he does not want to pay half half to cover your children’s part. Then he can pay less.

You need to get on top of your finances. Irrelevant of him. Why are you overspending so much? You’ve got kids so make sure you’re financially secure for their sake.
you don’t have to pay for him. But you are so need to break the cycle. Sounds strange that he hasn’t mentioned your overspending too, is he hinting that the spending is too much?

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I complained to my mum and she said “always remember that doormats get walked on”. I politely asked him to leave but he refused. My brother visited and had a chat with him. He left the next day. About 6 months later I found out he’d shacked up with my yoga teacher. Best of luck to her.