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Original poster

My boyfriend expects me to pay for everything

391 replies

Fanofbeasmith · 29/08/2023 23:50

My boyfriend gave up his job and now expects me to pay for everything.

He has this idea that if he wasn't with me he wouldn't be eating in this place or that, he wouldn't be visiting this place or that, so he just let's me pay. He's right, yesterday we did a day out with my children, brunch out, tea out, all in all it cost me over £300 for the day plus the takeaway the night before. If he wasn't with me he'd make food at home. But he didn't, he joined in.

I hate that attitude, it's really giving me the ick.

Last week we ate in a nice restaurant, i paid. Later I asked for the money, he said he thought I was treating him because he's not working. But why should I?

He's a nice guy other than this. He's kind, he's funny, I love being with him. But I can't help feeling used. He chooses not to work, I work hard and obvs have a lot more disposable money than him. But really although I earn a good salary, he is much better off, he's a home owner, no mortgage, I rent and have children. I'm using credit cards to live, he's increasing his savings even while not working.

I can't bear to speak to him ATM so just wondered if I'm being ridiculous?

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 30/08/2023 03:15

Well you are starting right with not eating out with him, now you just need to follow it up with not doing ANYTHING with him.

Think about it in the simplest way......you spent £300 on 4 of you (say). So he didnt have to spend £70 ish on himself and that means that you basically put £70 into his savings straight off your credit card.

Thats not just "ick" territory is it?

And if you imagine any sort of LT future with him it will be you paying for absolutely everything above basic sustenance level. Throw this one back.

CheekyHobson · 30/08/2023 03:18

Yeah he's not totally honest with his energy company either

How is this not a massive fucking red flag for you? It's utterly dishonest behaviour and also risk-taking if he gets caught.

You know for a fact this man is cheap, dishonest and lazy, yet he has the bleeding nerve to tell you not to 'waste' the money YOU worked to earn on your own children.

You can spend your money on whatever you want to, and it's not 'wasting' it. It's your life. It's only wasted if you don't get any pleasure out of it. Like the money you're wasting on the food he eats and the outings he goes on but can't be bothered to pay for himself.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/08/2023 03:21

Oh and....I am mortgage free and live frugally.

I can not afford to give up my job! If he is claiming benefits then he must be doing it fraudulently because people of working age cannot give up work and claim just like that, they either live off their savings or win the lottery! The fact that he is increasing his savings suggests to me that he is as DODGY AS FUCK.

WomanHereHear · 30/08/2023 03:21

Sorry OP you sound desperate and I think he knows that too. Why else is he taking the piss -because you’re allowing him to.

WomanHereHear · 30/08/2023 03:23

CherryMaDeara · 30/08/2023 01:48

Every time you pay for this entitled cocklodger, you’re taking money away from your own kids.

How do you have the ick but still not dumped him?

Exactly.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/08/2023 03:25

Why are you still with him? If he wants to eat toast, he can bring it with him. Such an unhealthy diet btw.

OhcantthInkofaname · 30/08/2023 03:25

ATM also means cash machine. You are.

timetochangethering · 30/08/2023 03:35

The word is "cocklodger"....

Caroparo52 · 30/08/2023 03:41

Stop treating him.
Put your kids first.
He's a useless man child.
Wake up.
No contribution - no activity.
This is a one way no no in my books

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 30/08/2023 03:50

Doesn't mean you need to meet his expectations.

Is he meeting yours? Unlikely.

Get rid.

wordler · 30/08/2023 03:54

You should absolute still treat your kids when you are with them.

Best option for now - separate the family and relationship outings. Then take turns with partner on the date nights - see how you feel after a couple of months of his dates vs your dates.

Then act accordingly

VandhanaK3 · 30/08/2023 03:54

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TerfTalking · 30/08/2023 03:55

Ahh I love a midnight post. 🙄

VandhanaK3 · 30/08/2023 03:55

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SunRainStorm · 30/08/2023 04:14

Fanofbeasmith · 30/08/2023 00:43

I am taking on board what people are saying - both in respect to him and also generally overspending. You're right. I will stop with the meals out. I just wanted to treat my kids on the one day I had off work with them for the entire 6 weeks holiday (apart from a holiday)

There's nothing wrong with treating your children if you can afford to.

There is something wrong with treating a miserly sponge of a man who doesn't appreciate it, let alone reciprocate.

Surlaplage · 30/08/2023 04:29

Op about ten years ago my brother came to stay with me in the city I live in. He refused to bring his wallet anywhere we went . I mean, he would leave it at home and just wouldn't take it. I would say, 'don't forget your wallet, DB' and he would reply 'I don't need it for anything'. He fully expected me to pay for any drinks or meals.

His rationale was that he was the guest so shouldn't have to pay for anything. The host should alqays pay. I went mad and told him not to bother coming back if he wasn't going to put his hand in his pocket. It wasnt going in, so I told our mum who phoned him and told him off for being such a cheapskate. I was absolutely incensed and he never did it again. He came back to visit after that and always paid his way.

I'm sorry op but I feel like you are really settling for someone who doesn't care about you. No decent man would do this. If you think there is any way that you are being unreasonable, I respectfully suggest you look into why you have such incredibly low standards.

If you won't dump your boyfriend (you should) then don't bring him on any more of your days out.

NorwayLass · 30/08/2023 04:29

This is shocking, a grown financially secure man sponging off a single mum living off credit cards

He has the attitude of a young teenager, seeming to think others pay his way if he tags along. It’s quite normal for a teen but absolutely horrid on a mature man. Tight user.

If he wants to come with you he needs to pay his way, otherwise you just take the kids and leave him at home. The alternative is he brings a pack up for himself and buys himself a cup of tea while you eat out. Same with takeaway, you get the kids stuff and he gets his stuff or makes toast. He makes his own choices about what he can afford to eat.

readingismycardio · 30/08/2023 04:30

He hates me spending money generally. I took my children on holiday last month and his attitude is that if I can waste £ thousands on a holiday I can pay a few quid for a meal.

Yeah, for your children, not for an unemployed CF who tries to live off you.

LifeIsJustOneBigWTAF · 30/08/2023 04:48

Fanofbeasmith · 30/08/2023 00:43

I am taking on board what people are saying - both in respect to him and also generally overspending. You're right. I will stop with the meals out. I just wanted to treat my kids on the one day I had off work with them for the entire 6 weeks holiday (apart from a holiday)

What's stopping you from treating your kids without him? If he doesn't want to pay his way, he doesn't have to join you. And if that means you don't see the sponging, miserly fucker, I'd call that a win. Tight-fistedness is very unattractive.

Coyoacan · 30/08/2023 04:58

I hate these men who leech off single mothers and they seem to abound

Darkdiamond · 30/08/2023 05:02

Listen to that ick. It's telling you to get shot.

My husband is always talking about how he feels a responsibility to provide for us, even though I work too. He thinks its a biological hunter/gatherer thing and that it's a big responsibility having a family and you need to protect them from hardship. I find it a lovely trait that he cares so much about looking after us financially. I earn the same as him but he loves treating us when he can.

Your boyfriend really sounds horrible.

MysteryBelle · 30/08/2023 05:03

I’ve never paid ever for a guy. I don’t understand people who do. Foolish.

Take the best of modern equality and take the best of traditional chivalry is what I say 😄

MysteryBelle · 30/08/2023 05:04

Darkdiamond · 30/08/2023 05:02

Listen to that ick. It's telling you to get shot.

My husband is always talking about how he feels a responsibility to provide for us, even though I work too. He thinks its a biological hunter/gatherer thing and that it's a big responsibility having a family and you need to protect them from hardship. I find it a lovely trait that he cares so much about looking after us financially. I earn the same as him but he loves treating us when he can.

Your boyfriend really sounds horrible.

♥️

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/08/2023 05:10

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MysteryBelle · 30/08/2023 05:16

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