AIBU to think it is odd that DH has started dog walking with a 23 year old?

[themadcarter]

I'm honestly hoping for people to tell me I am being absolutely delusional and insecure, I can assure you I am actively not wanting to make a big deal out of nothing and hence I have come here for a reality check on how others would actually see it, as it's very easy to think all kinds of things in your head.

DH is 35 and I admit, usually quite an isolated man. He works from home and does have very few friends and hobbies. He has wanted a dog his whole life and I admit that I am not a huge animal person, I do love our dog but DH does do almost it all, especially as he is the one at home (I work full time out the house). He had to go for an in person workshop a few months ago and there was an icebreaker challenge (I'm honestly shocked they still do this!) and this 23 year old mentioned her new puppy (hers was only about 13 weeks and ours 8 months at this time) and apparently they clicked over the dogs?? Not trying to be a downer here, but surely owning a dog isn't that rare, I am friends with about 8 people that have dogs. I instantly found it rather childish when he was telling me but this woman ended up giving her number to him at the end of the day. DH tells me how he told her how much me and her would get along and tried to say as much as he could to me to make it sound so obviously nothing more than friends but I just got the impression he had a bit of chemistry there.

Anyway, don't want to go on for pages and pages with every little detail. Basically he did text her and they arranged a play date for the dogs, the messages to seem very innocent and he would always tell me and it didn't seem like he was telling me for any weird motive and was just out of excitement (don't want to shit on his cereal, but I'm really not getting it and never have). She then got him a birthday present only a week later and now they meet up twice a week every week to walk the dogs... he's very open about it with me and is never trying to act secretive but it really rubs me up the wrong way, I think I must have issues because seriously, him even saying her name makes me cringe. Am I just massively insecure?? I simply don't like it, she sounds a bit obsessive with him and DH has said how he does purposely leave a minimum 12 hour delay before responding to her because she replies almost instantly and constantly sends him pictures of her dog, I said to him just tell her to stop and he really just says "no I don't mind her doing it if she wants to" so then I ask why he delays replying and he says because he just doesn't want the expectation of him just being there to respond all day.

Seriously I hate the whole thing. AIBU?

She sounds unhinged tbh! I hope you haven't got a rabbit!

I made dog walking friends with my (male) neighbour, didn't realise it wasn't allowed we used to walk the dogs together most days, he had a girlfriend who came along too when she was there, but not always.

I don't think it necessarily means you DH is having his head turned OP, but if it gives you the ick and you don't like it then I'd tell him that. Although I f they're work colleagues as well, then can anything you say actually stop him seeing her?

This woman may be making a move on your man.
He is vulnerable to this type of thing if he is normally isolated and shy.
For your part, if you give over the impression that what he is doing is “childish”, you are setting the first invisible barrier between you and your DH.
Fall deeply in love with that dog and YOU book a cottage stay (that welcomes pets) away from where you live, to reconnect with your DH and bond as a “pack”.
If this lady texts while you are away, get her number and politely but firmly tell her to stop texting your husband.
Worrying about looking like you have issues is a complete distraction because you do have an issue, this lady.
Don’t be shy about setting boundaries between both of you and the outside world.
Happy Dog Walking.

Doggy dates 😂

I don’t think it’s a foregone conclusion that something is going on. 23 is really young and she could have lots of reasons for wanting to be friends with your husband, one being that the fact that he is older makes her feel safe in a way that guys her own age don’t. I would go out with them one day as he has suggested and see how you feel after that.

Someone trying to be kind and polite ?

Have you thought that maybe he is hoping him walking with the younger woman will give you a shove to join him in the dog walks.
Walking a dog alone can be quite boring & lonely, even if the dog wants to play, so maybe this is him doing a man version of trying to make you jealous so you start coming on the dog walks.

Their arrangement is a bit weird but I’d go along on a few walks & see how it pans out.

Hmm nope! I would not be happy. How would he feel if you met a young single dad and met up with him for play dates (if you had kids) as others have said there are plenty of people he must see going out whom have dog's, in my local park people meet up with their dogs for a chat dog/puppy advice etc... nope I would ask politely you are uncomfortable with him meeting her.

My alarm bells would be ringing, OP, and my DH and I have never been jealous of each other's friendships over a long marriage. But I remember how thoughtless I was in my 20s, how prone to crushes and how often even the nicest of men seem to want the women they fancy to 'get on with each other'. It's not the dog walking as such. And it sounds as though he's flattered by the attention. It's the frequency, (twice a week, every week?) the exclusivity, and above all the messages and the photographs. I'd be going along as well. Trust your instincts.

Far from pleased about it going in the newspaper? Seems there's nothing I can do about that :( I am shocked how many replies I have got and wanted a moment to add to it and have now got the chance.

Regarding the general comments about men, I am sure everyone says this about their husabands but I truly didn't have him down as the same as most men, as I say, he is usually a pretty socially awkward, isolated guy who has never really related to the usual "men". However, obviously I can see that isn't maybe how he actually is, as he is being rather sociable now!!

I have actually said to him I am going to come along to the walk tomorrow (I had to give warning today just so they could schedule a time that fits around my work, I had no chance to just say 5 mins before oh I am coming too (sadly)). He has said he is thrilled because he has been waiting for me to want to join him on the country walks and did straight away offer for us to just go together (I must admit, I really am not doggy, I love the cuddles and loyalty, etc but just am not keen on all the outdoorsy stuff, hence i would never have got a dog myself but suits me as DH loves it all and did before she came along, so was maybe my mistake as I should have maybe joined him first and then said I was coming with them) but I said oh no it's fine because obviously her dog will be looking forward to its "doggy playdate" 🙄I actually cant deal with it 😂

He has said oh great and that she will be glad to finally meet me and we well get on really well etc. etc. he does seem pretty genuinely excited... but who knows and who knows if it is actually going to go ahead, but guess we will wait and see

Maybe he doesn’t see it for what it actually is.

Go on the walks. See what vibe you pick up. If its suspicious you need to tell Jim straight that it needs to stop

From what you’re saying, it does sound like she has a major crush on him.
Is it reciprocated? I don’t know.
What I DO know is that I would never put my DH in any position of worry or discomfort so the fact that you’re in that position is unfair of him xx

Sorry OP but I can’t tell you how many people I know who have met their partners while walking/bonding over their dogs… I know quite a few people who started affairs as ‘innocent’ dog walks!
Think you need to ask him to stop this affair he’s having… if he hasn’t done anything beyond talk yet then you might stop it in time

Definitely see what sort of vibe you get whilst on the walk!!

Meh. This didn’t bother me. I don’t read anything sinister into it.

He’s been open with you and has put in clear boundaries with her.

it’ll be interesting if the walk goes ahead. I wouldn’t be surprised if ‘she can’t make it tomorrow’ for whatever reason.

Idk. Seems odd that they would arrange that unless there was chemistry. For one I don't know many 23yo who would want to walk their dog with a male stranger unless they fancied them.

The fact that he's only 35 means they're in reasonable dating age of each other too. And him going on about how he told her about you makes me think he fancied her a bit too.

It's hard though to stop someone doing something they enjoy. Can you go with them sometimes - spontaneously so he doesn't have time to change plans etc? Get to know her a bit.

Sorry didn't realise this was posted on Tuesday

Oh she will come up with some silly excuse like her dog is not feeling well🙄

I’m a doggie person, I walk my pup at a similar time each day and so often see the same people, both men and women. Sometimes I stop for a chat, sometimes I don’t. But what I don’t do is arrange to see any of them at a particular time because that would be fucking weird- it wouldn’t be about walking my pup then but rather about seeing that person.

Don’t know if this is helpful but for me, my favourite thing about my daily walk, (apart from seeing my pup in his happy place, sniffing shit), is the peace and quiet, listening to a podcast or an audiobook. Couldn’t imagine anything worse than having to tolerate a 23 year old wittering in my ear. Perhaps see if he’d like an audible subscription instead? Sounds like she’s got the hots for him and he’s loving the attention.

You don't sound as though you are interested in the dog. Do you go for walks together ?
When l had a dog it was always me walking her as my husband showed little interest, l met several different men over the years with dogs, similar age to me, and often used to walk with them, nothing untoward, just pleasant chitchat and a love of walking and dogs.
Could it be she's feels safer with someone else ?
It does get very monotonous walking alone all the time.

Make an effort to go out with him and stop reading something into what is not there. Stop listening to other insecure posters.

I think it’s ok. Though I think a boundary has been crossed with the texting and making it kind of doggy dates… most dog lovers go to the same places where they see others regularly but not text them. Mm though apparently a group of doggy lovers near me have a WhatsApp group to check on times…
I think I’d be blunt with husband and say ‘do you think she fancies you?’ He possibly wants to know if it is ok, and that might make him a bit more distant. If he wants you to go with him I’d go. I think he just wants it to be ok. And she might well just want a friend that she feels relaxed and safe with.
let us know how you get on.