AIBU to think it is odd that DH has started dog walking with a 23 year old?

[themadcarter]

I'm honestly hoping for people to tell me I am being absolutely delusional and insecure, I can assure you I am actively not wanting to make a big deal out of nothing and hence I have come here for a reality check on how others would actually see it, as it's very easy to think all kinds of things in your head.

DH is 35 and I admit, usually quite an isolated man. He works from home and does have very few friends and hobbies. He has wanted a dog his whole life and I admit that I am not a huge animal person, I do love our dog but DH does do almost it all, especially as he is the one at home (I work full time out the house). He had to go for an in person workshop a few months ago and there was an icebreaker challenge (I'm honestly shocked they still do this!) and this 23 year old mentioned her new puppy (hers was only about 13 weeks and ours 8 months at this time) and apparently they clicked over the dogs?? Not trying to be a downer here, but surely owning a dog isn't that rare, I am friends with about 8 people that have dogs. I instantly found it rather childish when he was telling me but this woman ended up giving her number to him at the end of the day. DH tells me how he told her how much me and her would get along and tried to say as much as he could to me to make it sound so obviously nothing more than friends but I just got the impression he had a bit of chemistry there.

Anyway, don't want to go on for pages and pages with every little detail. Basically he did text her and they arranged a play date for the dogs, the messages to seem very innocent and he would always tell me and it didn't seem like he was telling me for any weird motive and was just out of excitement (don't want to shit on his cereal, but I'm really not getting it and never have). She then got him a birthday present only a week later and now they meet up twice a week every week to walk the dogs... he's very open about it with me and is never trying to act secretive but it really rubs me up the wrong way, I think I must have issues because seriously, him even saying her name makes me cringe. Am I just massively insecure?? I simply don't like it, she sounds a bit obsessive with him and DH has said how he does purposely leave a minimum 12 hour delay before responding to her because she replies almost instantly and constantly sends him pictures of her dog, I said to him just tell her to stop and he really just says "no I don't mind her doing it if she wants to" so then I ask why he delays replying and he says because he just doesn't want the expectation of him just being there to respond all day.

Seriously I hate the whole thing. AIBU?

@ExtraOnions unfortunately this is mumsnet where probably 50% of mumsnetters over 30 have knowingly been cheated on now or in the past by seemingly loving and loyal family men and consequently have their antennas on high alert for over keen 23 year olds and any signs of 'head turning' with husbands.

how would she know Ops coming unless dh secretly texts her not to come or, he lies and say he cant come today

Call me cynical but imo he'll message her(most likely from the bathroom,having had a sudden need for the loo) asking her to come up with a last minute excuse enabling one or both to drop out. I'll be very surprised if op gets to go with both of them.

I'd be very surprised if op gets to go with both of them.

Me too, at this stage.

Although the DH went to lengths to get OP to go along at first, a pattern/habit of just the two of them walking together has been established now. If OP suddenly goes now i think it will look exactly like what it is. ie: OP going along to observe them because she's unhappy.

I mean from an outsider's point of view i would LOVE to hear about how this would go down. But if this was me in reality i'd just be very sad about it all. My DH knows full well that this scenario is not something either of us would feel happy about, and if he did it anyway, well, i'd feel properly betrayed already. We're all different though.

A friends husband of many years ran off with the woman he started jogging round their area with, it would set alarm bells for me. Even if he's being open and saying he's deliberately not responding straight away etc he's clearly enjoying the attention and flirtation he's getting from her and in my opinion that's a recipe for disaster. I would make it very clear to him the whole situation makes you uncomfortable and that even if you trust him you can't trust her and you think she has intentions towards him. If you telling him that isn't enough for him to cut ties with her (regardless if anything g is actually going on or not) he needs to seriously think about how much he is valuing your relationship together.

@EinyLinky

If you think this is remotely the same as the scenario I wrote about my friends husband, and his inappropriate friendships with work women, you're tripping. It's not even remotely the same.

Also, unless you have known this MARRIED male friend of yours, since before he met his wife, why are you buying him gifts? And are you also buying gifts for his wife, and his children? If not, why not?

The only one time my ExH took a phone number off another woman (they met in A&E of all places! ) with a statement that me&her would get on like house on fire...He passed the phone number to me! And it was me&her going on kiddie dates. And we did indeed click into the closest of friendships.

OP's husband has definitely made a friend (?) for himself. What comes out of his mouth is just mitigation efforts.Could lead somewhere, might not but OP's husband is already mitigating.

Also @EinyLinky are you buying birthday gifts for OTHER work colleagues (as well as this married man?) Or just him... If not, why not?

gosh, I gifted a card and gift card to a colleague, who is a friend and I take to work, on his birthday... he's engaged with 2 kids and I'm single

Maybe I'm too attractive as a friend for a taken man, as I never seem to get away with this... 😂 I'd be quartered and strung up already, no matter how "matey" my approach might be.
I've learnt to respect the discomfort of other parties and keep my distance as required. Life.

@PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer no, I didn't know him before he was with her. I buy him a gift because he's my friend and I buy my friends gifts and no, I don't buy his fiancée and children gifts because I don't really see them/know them (I've met them twice) but I did obviously do the Christmas card addressed to them all

They obviously like each other to be meeting so much. It isn't about the dogs is it.

I love how nauseated you are about the whole thing, even if it was completely innocent, its weird how people are with dogs these days, I agree! Doggy play dates? FFS.

Anyway, this girl (we will call her dogtanian) seems immature and is probably after a happily ever after with your man and his dog.

I'd go on the walk and take great notice of how the dogtanian reacts, a face can say a thousand words.

In my opinion, your husband has gone into this completely innocently, that doesn't mean to say that it will remain that way though.

Nip it in the bud, OP.

I've been around his place when dropping home and have met her/his kids and it's never seemed to have come up as an issue 😵‍💫 maybe I'm completely delusional and actually she is posting on forums about me 😂 I'm not after him whatsoever lol... genuinely didn't even think of it coming up as an issue until now. Sometimes there's even "x" put at the end of text messages by BOTH of us 😱 we don't text much mind

Go along. At the minute you're just a name to her.

Plus his reaction to you actually going will tell you a lot. Especially if she bails.

She's probably got a bit of a crush and he's enjoying the attention. But it just takes one spark.

If it comes to it, I'd be having a stern word with him. Before it's hiding in plain sight. We have instincts for a reason.

DH started dog walking every morning at 6am with a female dog walker he met out walking. She had recently split from husband who left her with two dogs. He said this helped her to not be walking alone in the dark (both needing to walk early before work).

I was pretty suspicious about this initially but I also did some of these early dog walks and got to know her. Another male dog walker joined in a few months later! We all help each other out when needed with walks.

Overall in our case it is completely innocent. In your case I think you should join the walks to get a measure of it. I would be wary given her young age and your H's isolation. But it is possible for it to be innocent!

How old is he?

I think that's relevant here

If you read OP posts you will see

Oh yes! 35 I totally missed that

Hmm yes. Id be concerned

I'm actually on the edge of my seat with this one hoping to hear an update from OP joining in on the walk!

Love dogs, loved taking mine out socially, but even this is a stretch for me. My mouth was on the floor when I read she'd bought him a present after only a week of knowing him!

The nerve. Go with him, please - at the very least it'll ruin her day and that would make mine.

This is on the mirror online - sorry OP

I bet the ham in the vents cat lady is furious this is in the mirror and she still isn't

Ugh.,,, whatever happened to journalism??? I despise the way these newspaper ‘writers’ stalk chat sites for content. It’s disgusting.

Go with him walking, or take up an interest with someone who will treat you right and not take the piss ….

Of course its on the mirror, they likely wrote it. All the insane replies played straight to it

😂🤣 wonder if he's ok?? Did she update?