Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it is odd that DH has started dog walking with a 23 year old?

538 replies

themadcarter · 29/08/2023 23:10

I'm honestly hoping for people to tell me I am being absolutely delusional and insecure, I can assure you I am actively not wanting to make a big deal out of nothing and hence I have come here for a reality check on how others would actually see it, as it's very easy to think all kinds of things in your head.

DH is 35 and I admit, usually quite an isolated man. He works from home and does have very few friends and hobbies. He has wanted a dog his whole life and I admit that I am not a huge animal person, I do love our dog but DH does do almost it all, especially as he is the one at home (I work full time out the house). He had to go for an in person workshop a few months ago and there was an icebreaker challenge (I'm honestly shocked they still do this!) and this 23 year old mentioned her new puppy (hers was only about 13 weeks and ours 8 months at this time) and apparently they clicked over the dogs?? Not trying to be a downer here, but surely owning a dog isn't that rare, I am friends with about 8 people that have dogs. I instantly found it rather childish when he was telling me but this woman ended up giving her number to him at the end of the day. DH tells me how he told her how much me and her would get along and tried to say as much as he could to me to make it sound so obviously nothing more than friends but I just got the impression he had a bit of chemistry there.

Anyway, don't want to go on for pages and pages with every little detail. Basically he did text her and they arranged a play date for the dogs, the messages to seem very innocent and he would always tell me and it didn't seem like he was telling me for any weird motive and was just out of excitement (don't want to shit on his cereal, but I'm really not getting it and never have). She then got him a birthday present only a week later and now they meet up twice a week every week to walk the dogs... he's very open about it with me and is never trying to act secretive but it really rubs me up the wrong way, I think I must have issues because seriously, him even saying her name makes me cringe. Am I just massively insecure?? I simply don't like it, she sounds a bit obsessive with him and DH has said how he does purposely leave a minimum 12 hour delay before responding to her because she replies almost instantly and constantly sends him pictures of her dog, I said to him just tell her to stop and he really just says "no I don't mind her doing it if she wants to" so then I ask why he delays replying and he says because he just doesn't want the expectation of him just being there to respond all day.

Seriously I hate the whole thing. AIBU?

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 30/08/2023 10:53

I've never bought a fellow dog walker a birthday present.
For a start I've no idea when it's their birthday and even if i did i wouldn't buy a present.

SunnieShine · 30/08/2023 10:56

Hummingbird89 · 29/08/2023 23:16

Nah, alarm bells would be ringing.
Funny how when these things happen, it’s never another man that people “click” with, is it?

Yep, I (all of us) just knew it would be a woman from the thread title.

AvocadotoastORahouse · 30/08/2023 10:57

EKGEMS · 30/08/2023 00:02

I hope your hubby is neutered wouldn't want any litters of unwanted puppies

GrinGrinGrin

andjustlikethat1 · 30/08/2023 11:00

Nope he will be having an affair with her next, and dog walking will be the coverup story

Hollywolly1 · 30/08/2023 11:02

I think op at the very least you are right to question the relationship, its happening a few months now so maybe it's already to late,I wonder if you took the dog out of the equation would the relationship they have fall apart?

horseyhorsey17 · 30/08/2023 11:02

Your OH has a crush on this woman.

DameCurlyBassey · 30/08/2023 11:02

Chersfrozenface · 29/08/2023 23:39

I've never bought a colleague a birthday gift in my life

Signed the office card, yes. Contributed towards a cake, occasionally. Bought a gift, never.

Show quote history

Me neither.

RestingMurderousFace · 30/08/2023 11:04

LadyVictoriaSponge · 29/08/2023 23:20

Funny how these men never click with 62 year old Frank and his new puppy.

Isn’t it just!

feelingfree17 · 30/08/2023 11:07

Yup - pop along for that walk. Look good without it appearing you have made an effort. Be friendly. You will be able to tell whether they have a connection or not.
The 12 hour rule is odd.

DameCurlyBassey · 30/08/2023 11:07

TedMullins · 30/08/2023 07:59

She’s sending photos of her dog not her tits. Since when does being married preclude you from receiving photos that might be of interest? You do sound about 13 saying you “hate” her. If you’re that suspicious why not take him up on his offer of going on the walk and suss her out? I have a dog and have swapped numbers with several dog walkers, male, female, gay, straight, single, married etc. I can’t say I ever gave any thought to their relationship status if I text them and asked if they wanted to walk the dogs. He’s probably glad of the company seeing as you don’t go on the walks with him. Bottom line is either you trust him or you don’t, and if you don’t trust him to knock her back in the event that she does have a crush/make a pass whatever, why did you marry him?

Show quote history

Difference is that you meet up with all sorts of dog walkers whereas OP’s DH is only going out with the one person on a regular basis.

And I assume that OP hates that her insecurity has been triggered by this “friendship” - her instinct has picked up on something and I think she should trust that gut feeling.

marblesthecat · 30/08/2023 11:16

All the comments like "Oh so you think a man should NEVER be friends or receive gifts from a woman?" are frustrating. I think generally you get a vibe when something is a bit off. My DH has female friends from work. He meets up with one for lunch and gets a lift to a hobby with another. I don't have any suspicions at all and don't give it a second thought. But if he got into a situation like this alarm bells would be ringing. The fact he's having to set a time to respond to her messages and her buying him a gift only a week after meeting him is really strange. Also her sending him dogs pics seems like it's just an excuse to be in contact.

ICanBuyMyOwnBooks · 30/08/2023 11:17

She's young enough to equate him to her dad. You shouldn't hate her. If you're bothered, go on a walk with them. It's not difficult.
But look out for them using words like 'honestly' and 'I admit' all the time - obvious signs of talking rubbish (whether on a forum or in RL).

Hollywolly1 · 30/08/2023 11:19

I smell BS she only knew him a week when she bought him a Birthday gift,I think anyone believing that would be in the cast iron eejit category

Floppe · 30/08/2023 11:32

The problem is, he either fancies her or hes a 35 year old who finds long walks with a 23 year old to be a good use of his time, dog or no dog. I wouldn’t want to be married to him either way.

willWillSmithsmith · 30/08/2023 11:33

I don’t think you can really gauge anything until you’ve been on a walk with them. Otherwise it’s just guessing and assuming. You’ll get a much better idea of the bigger picture (if there is one) by attending a walk (or two or three).

lovescats3 · 30/08/2023 11:38

Red flags here go on the walks if you can't start messaging her to piss her off

BusyMum47 · 30/08/2023 11:44

themadcarter · 29/08/2023 23:22

That's the thing, I can't tell if it's just her pursuing him especially because he does delay his replies and it is her asking for the next day they are going but he always arranges the day with her. Does always tell me to come along too because "i would get on really well with her" I think fucking not, I already dislike her 😠

I completely get where you're coming from but maybe if you DID go the next time, it would give you chance to check her out & suss out any atmosphere/body language etc between them & remind her, without doubt, that she should back the hell off because YOU are his partner! Might be interesting.

rookiemere · 30/08/2023 11:48

ICanBuyMyOwnBooks · 30/08/2023 11:17

She's young enough to equate him to her dad. You shouldn't hate her. If you're bothered, go on a walk with them. It's not difficult.
But look out for them using words like 'honestly' and 'I admit' all the time - obvious signs of talking rubbish (whether on a forum or in RL).

Yup 23 year olds see 35 year olds as father figures all the time Hmm and I'm sure DHs interest is purely paternal.

lemmein · 30/08/2023 11:49

Mrsttcno1 · 30/08/2023 09:53

@Itsnotrightbutitsok I completely agree with you! I’m exactly the same with my dog, and the dog walkers around me!

I suspect a lot of the people posting who disagree with us are the same dog walkers I see hurrying around the outskirts of the park dragging their dog round as quickly as possible, who never say “good morning” back to anyone they pass!😂

😅 this is me in fairness (though I don't drag her, she's drags me!)

I like the quietness of a dog walk, the head-space and peace...I say hi to other dog walkers but if one suggested meeting up I'd fake my own death and go a different route Grin

ButterCrackers · 30/08/2023 11:51

RenoDakota · 30/08/2023 10:53

OP, I have seen many posts like this on here. They never, ever end well. The OP normally comes back to update in a couple of months or so, having found out that yes, there was something going on.

And I would do as lots of people have suggested - go on a walk with them but only 'decide' at the last minute, as he is actually about to go out. His reaction and his behaviour around her should tell you all you need to know.

Trust your gut.
And ignore the cool fools on here.
Good luck.

Agree. Plus he’s a work colleague probably senior to her in the hierarchy. She could cause him problems at work. He needs to end this and take care in case she accuses him of inappropriate behaviour.

Dramatico · 30/08/2023 11:57

Got to say I feel kind of sorry for your DH, WFH and few friends by your own admission. He must be lonely.

StopStartStop · 30/08/2023 12:00

EinyLinky · 30/08/2023 08:22

@StopStartStop you're suggesting a solicitor for someone who has a husband going on dog walks with a work colleague?

Well, yes. I'm suggesting ducks and a solicitor for any and every woman who has doubts about her husband, before she resorts to turning up on his cosy walks or joins him in his 'hobby'. Let's say all turned out kosher, no problem. Then, having been prepared isn't a thing. And if the situation is as bad as or worse than suspected, she will be much stronger to face the truth if she is secure in the knowledge of her rights.

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 30/08/2023 12:01

@LadyVictoriaSponge · Yesterday 23:20

Funny how these men never click with 62 year old Frank and his new puppy.

LOL!!! 😆

WandaWomblesaurus · 30/08/2023 12:03

ICanBuyMyOwnBooks · 30/08/2023 11:17

She's young enough to equate him to her dad. You shouldn't hate her. If you're bothered, go on a walk with them. It's not difficult.
But look out for them using words like 'honestly' and 'I admit' all the time - obvious signs of talking rubbish (whether on a forum or in RL).

She really isn't.
It's not Batman and Robin.

Seaweed42 · 30/08/2023 12:06

It sounds like she might be a bit naive.
She might just be over-enthusiastic and needy more than wanting a relationship with him.

Your DH needs to be the more mature person.
He's right not to respond straightaway, I'd even start not responding at all for a whole day. And respond with just a Thumbs up, Clap Clap - but not a comment.
Then arrange for both of you to meet up with her on a Saturday to walk the dog.

Swipe left for the next trending thread