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AIBU?

To go to dinner with another man?

641 replies

Boogiewoogieanddance · 29/08/2023 19:42

DH is being a bit funny and thinks it's inappropriate so just want to get some other opinions.

A good friend of mine was married recently, unfortunately he is now serperated through no choice of his own. He has some wedding gifts in the form of vouchers, this specific one to a super nice restaurant that I couldn't usually afford. DH also wouldn't go because he doesn't like a set menu.

He asked me today if I would go with him. We have been good friends from before his last relationship, throughout the marriage etc and are quite close.. Entirely mutually platonic. We meet up for walks, the occasional drink etc sometimes alone sometimes with friends. DH knows him and knows when we meet up, never been an issue. Recently we've probably been meeting a bit more because he's been having a hard time and could do with the company.

DH thinks it's inappropriate because its a fancy meal, I'm married, he's not anymore and seems like a date.

I appreciate that if he had out of the blue asked to take me for an overpriced dinner and wine I would feel uncomfortable and it would be inappropriate but that's not the case, it's exceptional in that it's a crappy situation and he has this voucher to use and rather than it go to waste we enjoy each others company and have nice food and that DH wouldn't even have with me anyway.

I think DH will get over it, he trusts me and I think its more that if someone else saw us together it could look sus.. But surely that shouldn't really matter?

Or am I just thinking with my belly and it's an entirely inappropriate situation...

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Am I being unreasonable?

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You are being unreasonable

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BibbleandSqwauk · 29/08/2023 19:45

I wouldn't be turning it down on the basis of it "looking suss".. so long as your DH knows the score, go.

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BounceyB · 29/08/2023 19:47

I think it's a bit off. My ex-husband's best friend is a female and he would do anything for her but when we were together he would never have gone somewhere really nice without me.

Also, do you think it's something you want your DH to "get over". It could potentially cause a real rift in your relationship.

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Louisetopaz21 · 29/08/2023 19:48

I am not sure I would feel comfortable with my dh in the same situation but I trust him and would hope whatever he decided he would do the right thing by me.

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Curseofthenation · 29/08/2023 19:49

I would and have gone for dinner with a male friend that was recently divorced. DH sometimes doesn't like it but he knows that his thoughts are entirely unreasonable on the matter. I understand why it might make your DH uncomfortable but he needs to suck it up as you've given no reason for it to seem suspicious.

That said, if you wouldn't tolerate the same in his shoes then YABU.

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BackToOklahoma · 29/08/2023 19:54

I’d think I had huge problems in my relationship if my partner behaved like this about me going out to dinner with a friend. He trusts me so nothing else would come into it for him. Saying that, I know my partner is a reasonable person so if he was funny about it, I wouldn’t ignore it and he’d be the same if I had an issue with it.

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purplebluediscorain · 29/08/2023 19:55

No matter what I wouldn’t stand for this at all, meeting for a coffee maybe but a nice restaurant and I can’t believe your friend has disrespected your partner place and even asked you.

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Nanny0gg · 29/08/2023 19:57

purplebluediscorain · 29/08/2023 19:55

No matter what I wouldn’t stand for this at all, meeting for a coffee maybe but a nice restaurant and I can’t believe your friend has disrespected your partner place and even asked you.

Really??

'Disrespected'?

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Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 29/08/2023 20:00

Who cares what anyone else thinks? Free fancy dinner with a friend sounds great.

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Boogiewoogieanddance · 29/08/2023 20:03

@Curseofthenation I'd have no issue with him going, he has been out with a female friend for lunch in the past as she was seperating.. Albeit to a chicken shop for lunch lol but the only reason this is so fancy is cause its a voucher.

I work in a male dominated place so haven't got alot of girlfriends. The friend I am going with has a very small circle of friends and the voucher hasn't got much time left on it, the restaurant books up quickly so he hasnt mountains of time to ask around for company so I think when I put all that together it's fine.

DH isn't behaving horrible about it, just isn't over the moon but don't think it will cause a whole rift in out relationship

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/08/2023 20:05

I’m not sure I’d like it tbh- can men and women be platonic friends -yes but also I believe in relationships there’s a level of respect shown.
I wouldn’t want my husband sharing a bed with a platonic female friend either.

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Boogiewoogieanddance · 29/08/2023 20:05

Exactly 😂the dinner is literally going to cost the majority of my monthly food shop. I would never usually get to go. And i've said to DH so go to similar but cheaper places in the past but he wont even entertain it because of the set menu

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Boogiewoogieanddance · 29/08/2023 20:07

@OnlyFoolsnMothers we arent sharing a bed.. We are sitting across a table from each other on an evening surrounded by the public

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/08/2023 20:09

Boogiewoogieanddance · 29/08/2023 20:07

@OnlyFoolsnMothers we arent sharing a bed.. We are sitting across a table from each other on an evening surrounded by the public

Just saying, there’s lots of scenarios that I wouldn’t want my husband to be in it a platonic friend of the opposite sex. A fancy restaurant is one of them.

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DelurkingAJ · 29/08/2023 20:11

Manu years ago DH was away with work when a friend’s wife left him. He told me of this and DH virtually shooed me round to have dinner with him. Alone. In this chap’s house. I cannot see the problem…if people want to cheat they will find a way so you have to trust the person you love.

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Truemilk · 29/08/2023 20:12

I wouldn't be comfortable with my dp doing this, whether that's wrong or right that's how I would feel

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blackbeardsballsack · 29/08/2023 20:13

I can't see the issue. If you were going to consider shagging him, why would anyone think that the decision would be made on the basis of some steamed prawns

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10HailMarys · 29/08/2023 20:14

purplebluediscorain · 29/08/2023 19:55

No matter what I wouldn’t stand for this at all, meeting for a coffee maybe but a nice restaurant and I can’t believe your friend has disrespected your partner place and even asked you.

Why? Is ‘a nice restaurant’ synonymous with shagging in your world?

Why do you think a coffee is platonic but food isn’t? How weird. They’re not going to wank each other under the table.

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BaileySurfer · 29/08/2023 20:16

I think it's sad that people would have a problem with this.

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Boogiewoogieanddance · 29/08/2023 20:16

@DelurkingAJ

See DH has been like this, which is why I was surprised at his reaction. Friend also offered myself and DH a night in a fancy hotel but we where away so it didn't suit. DH was happy enough with that 🙄

Maybe he's just getting a bit fed up with friend but I mean, his new wife left him out of the blue so I don't think it's something he going to get over super quick. I hate seeing him upset and just want him to have a laugh.

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CountTo10 · 29/08/2023 20:18

I think the only reason I'd feel a bit upset would if my partner went to a really nice restaurant that I'd really like to go to without me. However the OP's husband wouldn't like to go to this restaurant anyway so I don't see the problem.

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2023forme · 29/08/2023 20:18

10HailMarys · 29/08/2023 20:14

Why? Is ‘a nice restaurant’ synonymous with shagging in your world?

Why do you think a coffee is platonic but food isn’t? How weird. They’re not going to wank each other under the table.

Show quote history

Unless OP’s friend is Kanye West 🤣

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Furrydogmum · 29/08/2023 20:18

We have a male friend who has been through the wringer in recent years. My DH has never had a problem with me doing anything to help him emotionally, eg long dog walks, daytime meet ups or meeting in the evening for a meal and chat. DH is there for the unemotional stuff such as bike rides and martial arts 😬 Your DH should trust you..

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Boogiewoogieanddance · 29/08/2023 20:19

@BaileySurfer i agree, I honestly think DH will realise he's being a bit unreasonable because he a good person and would never stop me doing anything.

I think it's a very old fashioned veiw that needs to change when women and men woke so closely together now and alot of roles. Ill talk him round lol

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Allywill · 29/08/2023 20:20

How long ago were they married? If I’d bought a voucher for the bride and groom to go out for a fancy meal as a wedding present I’d be a bit pissed off if he took someone else to be honest (if I ever found out)

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Boogiewoogieanddance · 29/08/2023 20:23

@Allywill Not long at all. It's a really crap situation and completely unexpected..

I'd rather it was used and enjoyed than go to waste. Obv ideally it would be used by the happy couple.

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