To go to dinner with another man?

[Boogiewoogieanddance]

DH is being a bit funny and thinks it's inappropriate so just want to get some other opinions.

A good friend of mine was married recently, unfortunately he is now serperated through no choice of his own. He has some wedding gifts in the form of vouchers, this specific one to a super nice restaurant that I couldn't usually afford. DH also wouldn't go because he doesn't like a set menu.

He asked me today if I would go with him. We have been good friends from before his last relationship, throughout the marriage etc and are quite close.. Entirely mutually platonic. We meet up for walks, the occasional drink etc sometimes alone sometimes with friends. DH knows him and knows when we meet up, never been an issue. Recently we've probably been meeting a bit more because he's been having a hard time and could do with the company.

DH thinks it's inappropriate because its a fancy meal, I'm married, he's not anymore and seems like a date.

I appreciate that if he had out of the blue asked to take me for an overpriced dinner and wine I would feel uncomfortable and it would be inappropriate but that's not the case, it's exceptional in that it's a crappy situation and he has this voucher to use and rather than it go to waste we enjoy each others company and have nice food and that DH wouldn't even have with me anyway.

I think DH will get over it, he trusts me and I think its more that if someone else saw us together it could look sus.. But surely that shouldn't really matter?

Or am I just thinking with my belly and it's an entirely inappropriate situation...

Let me get this straight - there are people who say they trust their partners, and would be fine with them going for coffee/a casual meal with a platonic friend of the opposite sex, but somehow it's different and wrong if the meal is in a fancy restaurant??? Even though it's the same two people just eating a meal together in a public place?? This makes absolutely no sense. Go out and enjoy a fabulous meal with your pal - there's absolutely nothing wrong in that.

I think in this scenario it's absolutely fine. He's clearly had a really shit time and a nice meal in good company sounds like it's what he needs. As long as it isn't going to cause an issue with your DH, then go and have a lovely time. Comparing it to sharing a bed is just utterly ridiculous 😄

I think you should go, if it were me I would go. However, if I'm totally honest if my DH were to go out to a fancy restaurant with a platonic female friend I think I would picture a romantic, candle lit intimate meal and secretly be a little jealous! (I would still encourage him to go).

@Boogiewoogieanddance did you buy the voucher? Cos if you did it’s fair enough but I was assuming someone else bought it as a wedding present and they might not feel the same as you in that “rather it was used than go to waste”. They mighty prefer it was returned to them.

My best friend is male and we do lots together. But my husband used to work with us both and is super comfortable with the friendship.

I'm happy to spend time in his company but if my DC said he wasn't comfortable I would take his feelings into account as I would want him to take mine into account if the tiles were reversed.

I think having dinner with a friend is fine. Enjoy!

Controlling much?

I think a fair thing would be to have meal then straight after meet with your DH and this friend for a drink straight after. Maybe a compromise if your DH is uncomfortable with the situation.

I think as your DH doesn't want to go and your friend and you would appreciate the fancy food it would be ridiculously wasteful not to use the voucher (perhaps friend should offer it back to whoever gave the gift first?) I understand that a lovely meal and wine can be romantic but can also be shared with friends - don't dress too sexy

he would never have gone somewhere really nice without me.
But her DH doesn't want to go @BounceyB

@Boogiewoogieanddance I think you should go and have a fabulous meal.
Could your DH join you both for a drink after? Or coffee?

...They mighty prefer it was returned to them.
That would be the height of bad taste @Allywill

Oops xpost @nutmegnook

Mixed feelings… I think my DH and I would be fine with the other doing this (although I’d be GUTTED to miss out on good food if it were him going…). A fancy fine dining restaurant however, does feel quite romantic and intimate so I’m not sure if I would do this. I just prefer my DH to all other men and would rather eat a takeaway with him on the sofa than get all dressed up for some other dude.

It wouldn't feel right to me. I'd be hosting a meal at home instead, supportive together with your DH. Can he take a family member instead?

Why? Can't you control yourself for an hour or two?

Exactly this.

Men & women being friends - totally fine.

Men & women socialising platonically & separately from spouses - also fine.

Having a 'special' expensive, intimate dinner for 2, in the aftermath of (presumably, given so recently married then separated) a traumatic breakup - not so fine.

It isn't really about trust, it's about boundaries & what's appropriate in the specific context.

Why? Can't you control yourself for an hour or two?

What an odd reply. Who said anything about control or lack of it?🧐

Because I find it odd to reply that you think being in a restaurant with a man means something is inappropriate.

So assume you are unable to stop yourself from shagging him on the table.

I think your husband is being a bit precious. It's not like this is part of some grand seduction on your friend's part.

I'm taking my recently separated male best friend to the theatre for our birthdays. We often have days outs, meals ect ect. DH doesn't bat an eyelid, in this case is relieved not to have to see the musical himself

I'd be a bit more concerned about the poor couple's marriage than the outcome of my gift.

You goes to fancy restaurant, you gots to fuck. Thems the rules.

It wouldn't even cross my mind (or my DH's mind) that this was a problem.

I had dinner with an ex when I was in his city for work last year. DH did not bat a eyelid about it.

It doesn’t really matter what the public think is objectively reasonable. Your husband has expressed a preference about your behaviour re: another man, in the context of otherwise not being controlling or prone to being jealous.

I know if I expressed a preference like that to my husband he would honour it. My comfort is more important than consoling a divorced friend. I would do the same.

Bummer for you missing a nice meal but you can’t be his only buddy. And if you are that in itself is maybe an issue..?

It’s fine.

Tell your DH to stop worrying about what other people think. It doesn’t sound like he actually cares.

Gobsmacked that 30% of people think YABU

Ah yes, because the sight of a lot of cutlery ALWAYS loosens the libido like nothing else (wtf)