To go to dinner with another man?

[Boogiewoogieanddance]

DH is being a bit funny and thinks it's inappropriate so just want to get some other opinions.

A good friend of mine was married recently, unfortunately he is now serperated through no choice of his own. He has some wedding gifts in the form of vouchers, this specific one to a super nice restaurant that I couldn't usually afford. DH also wouldn't go because he doesn't like a set menu.

He asked me today if I would go with him. We have been good friends from before his last relationship, throughout the marriage etc and are quite close.. Entirely mutually platonic. We meet up for walks, the occasional drink etc sometimes alone sometimes with friends. DH knows him and knows when we meet up, never been an issue. Recently we've probably been meeting a bit more because he's been having a hard time and could do with the company.

DH thinks it's inappropriate because its a fancy meal, I'm married, he's not anymore and seems like a date.

I appreciate that if he had out of the blue asked to take me for an overpriced dinner and wine I would feel uncomfortable and it would be inappropriate but that's not the case, it's exceptional in that it's a crappy situation and he has this voucher to use and rather than it go to waste we enjoy each others company and have nice food and that DH wouldn't even have with me anyway.

I think DH will get over it, he trusts me and I think its more that if someone else saw us together it could look sus.. But surely that shouldn't really matter?

Or am I just thinking with my belly and it's an entirely inappropriate situation...

Thanks.
I'd urge you to at least consider my hypothetical scenarios though as I can guarantee you'll be asked to attend things as his plus one etc. Like a de facto girlfriend.

I have never said men throw themselves at me at all. That's not true.

I'm NOT suggesting your friend will do anything sinister but you really do need to take care here, for his feelings as much as your own. He's obviously into you even if you're not into him.

It's a potentially volatile situation (not violent" volatile) and could get very emotional for all 3 of you.

In all seriousness, you need to distance yourself.
Take care.

I think Sanitas is an attrmpt of mn comedy or something 🙈

This is tricker than it at first appears. Your Dh’s spidey sense might be going off for a reason. He understands another man. Why did this guy ask you and not somebody else? Are you his closest friend? Is it to thank you for helping him out? None of those things warrant a fancy meal for two with a married woman - even if it is with a voucher. IMHO.

But I know very little about these things. Others on here will know the required etiquette better than me.

The other thing is that it’s a bit mean of your husband not to go with you if he doesn’t want you to go alone. He doesn’t like set menu? He just has to suck it up. I have a feeling that perhaps he doesn’t like it because he would prefer it if he was the one buying you such an expensive meal. Bloke thing.

Glad you had a good time! Reading your updates, I wondered whether your DH's issue might not have been actual jealousy, but worry about what other people might say? "Your wife did WHAT?? Red flags all over, mate!"

I think @Sanitas most recent posts have shown why the rest of their posts were so batshit.

Looks like you have been in a situation before so are massively projecting.

Fair enough sharing your experience but to make out that all men will act in that way while you chastise other posters who have had a more balanced conversation is not the way to go about explaining your viewpoint

The real-world common sense sensible answer to Sanitas' hypotheticals is "it depends." Doing all of the things on your list might well be problematic if it means spending less and less time with the husband and more and more time with the friend. But doing any one of them doesn't need to be.

That's why this is such a silly thread. It's a one-off meal under exceptional circumstances. Not a prolonged campaign of seduction.

I don't think they're batshit at all. Just because you disagree.
A third of posters agree with me.

If I were 1% and everyone else 99% you may have a point.

I'd urge you to at least consider my hypothetical scenarios though as I can guarantee you'll be asked to attend things as his plus one etc. Like a de facto girlfriend.

You absolutely cannot guarantee this at all. You are massively projecting.

There is a massive difference between disagreeing with the OPs first post and your extreme reactions

I’m not aware that ‘plus one’ indicates mandatory sex, either. DH often goes to his work events with a mutual friend.

At least you're getting it.
Like I said, a one-off meal may mean nothing.
Plus one may mean nothing.
Look if this guy were happily married it means nothing other than two mates going for a meal.
It's the overall context, though, he's unhappy, OP showing support to the extent her otherwise easy going dh is pissed off, it's easy to see why she's valuable to him now.
Even if not sexual, he may lean on her heavily. Come with me to this, come with me to that.
Surely it's easy to discern this may cause issues.

I just don't get people saying it's just a meal considering the overall situation.

I've been there. It gets really awkward after a while and being women we don't like to say no.
Not talking about sex here. I'm talking about being helpful to others in their hour of need.

I’m a woman and absolutely fine with saying no to any kind of invitation or if someone is asking more of me than I have to give. Of either sex.

You seem to have problems with boundaries and self-control, and to think everyone is similar.

Not RTFT but this is a tricky one!

I wouldn’t do this with a (straight) male friend because it just seems a bit too intimate.

On the other hand, if DH wanted to with one of his female friends I’d be ok with it. I just don’t think he would do it!

Neither of us are jealous or controlling, but I think MN are often too trusting of men’s intentions.

I've been there. It gets really awkward after a while and being women we don't like to say no.
Not talking about sex here. I'm talking about being helpful to others in their hour of need.

As an adult woman I have no issues with saying no to any situation or circumstance that make me feel uncomfortable.
Maybe work on your own boundaries and confidence instead of projecting your own issues on other people.

Most threads on Mn are precisely the reverse of 'overly trusting of men's intentions'. And the male friend's intentions are irrelevant here -- the OP feels how she feels, and values her friendships, but also seems like someone with a strong sense of her own boundaries.

@Sanitas, isn't all the reaching giving you a cramp? Also, your ideas about women having a problem with saying no sound nearly as strange and entrenched as your ideas about men and their nefarious intentions.

Oh goodness me, just go for dinner with one of your closest friends! I can't believe how many women on this thread are saying that you can't eat with a male. Ridiculous.

I also - shock horror - go on holiday with my male friends ... guess what, we don't fuck because we're friends. Also guess what, my boyfriends aren't jealous because we don't own one other and it's normal to have friendships!