Gushy Facebook posts

[ihaveanopinion]

Why do people feel the need to post gushing anniversary posts on social media?! Even more laughable when I know the husband is having an affair! Just feels so forced and gives me the ick! Every year this same couple post individual messages to each other for all their friends and family to see and comment on. Why do people do this?! Are their lives that sad or AIBU?

So what is social media for then? Should we go back to slide evenings with holiday photos? Spending all day writing letters to people filling them in?

You make absolutely no sense.

How did people connect with anyone before social media?

You have no idea how terrible people are with grief (well actually you might) and that is one thing that social media has made much better about the world. Allowing people to display and share their grief, and giving people an easy way to connect with others is invaluable.

Not everyone is going to send a card (or even know your address) but it's easy to let people know you're thinking about them and that means a great deal. It helps me greatly that hundreds of people have seen his photo that day, just as I see photos of their children who are still here.

I couldn't care less what you think, but I'd hate to think that someone who is grieving would think twice about something that could bring them a degree of comfort, because some people might think it's 'vile, or cringe, or embarrassing' and then start a thread so they can bitch about it.

It says far more about you than it does about me.

Totally this.

A personal nerve? Not with me you haven't. I post stuff on Facebook about once every month, usually innocuous landscape pictures and I literally never post anything about my relationship.

To the best of my knowledge I'm not being cheated on by my partner. But if I was and I was posting slightly self-deluding pictures of my DP and me running through the fields with big smiles on, would it be legitimate for you to go: "Ooooh look she's being cheated on. What fun. Let's have a pile on!"

It's perfectly possible for people to take a critical perspective on someone else's opinion without being personally affected by it. Your line of argument is a bit like those posters who say: "You must be jealous," just because a poster disagrees.

You seem incapable of engaging with this topic without seeking to find a way to sneer at someone else's perceived misfortune, though, so this may be lost on you.

That's so embarrassing. Aren't you tempted to ask the wife about it?! As in, hello X, what's going on here, where is your self respect?

From my experience, people who gush on Facebook genuinely feel it and are just very warm and emotional people.
I couldn’t bring myself to write posts like they do but I never have any bad feelings about theirs. That said, these sorts of people do also tend to like to list copy and paste things about how great the older days were. Can’t stand those.

Mute or unfriend then. It's up to people to decide for themselves what they post, and for you to decide if you want to see their posts or not.

I don't get why in that situation people feel they have to go overboard on the SM celebrations of their relationship and other half. It's so bizarre, don't they feel ridiculous posting that stuff knowing their other half is really an absolute tyrant?
Just why...?!

Amen to this!

As a few people have said, if you don't like peoples posts, just unfollow them, or unfriend them. It's not that hard! Seems like some people want to read them, to give them ammunition to come on here and post a scathing thread mocking them.

And then they are rejoicing, and rubbing their hands with glee when others agree with them. Not a good look at all. 😔There are some very cruel posts on this thread.

Would genuinely like to hear what posters who agree with OP think are acceptable to post on Facebook, and how those things are fundamentally any different to posts about happiness/relationships

Same

I was nosing through a fb page and the woman has written "happy heavenly 102 birthday papa" never rolled my eyes so much.

Also when the schools went back here it was like Christmas again. Personalised jammies, balloons, presents etc.

Although I like the anniversary posts etc. I usually post the anniversary of my divorce though!

Why is she posting pics of herself in her undies on FB? What age is she?

I can't imagine how miserable you must be to scroll through Facebook seeing people post about their happiness in life, relationships, whatever, and bitterly cackle to yourself "Aha, but I know that they must be secretly unhappy" rather than simply being happy for them - you know, like a normal, secure person would.

Why do people think this is such a cutting and devastating thing to say? It's up there with "you're projecting", always from people who wouldn't know projection if their local Cineworld fell on top of them.

@DrSbaitso I completely agree.

'Ooh, have I said something which has caused you personal pain and distress? LOL. Well done me!"

The thing is, it's always in response to an actually quite dispassionate and well-reasoned post. Yes, you've annoyed the person, but that's because you said something objectionable and now they're telling you why. Why do people think it's such razor wit to respond with "musta hurt ur feelings lol"?

Were they trying to hurt someone and now they're pleased that they think they've managed it? Because that's much worse than a drippy FB status that, as annoying as it might be, wasn't intended to distress anyone.

@DrSbaitso it's usually just a last resort when they realise they cannot engage with the other post in any convincing way

I asked pretty much the same last night. I'm just scrolling to see if there's anything that people deem ok to post.

Not found anything yet....
If no one posted anything there would be nothing to read.

@Cosyblankets

I asked pretty much the same last night. I'm just scrolling to see if there's anything that people deem ok to post.
Not found anything yet....
If no one posted anything there would be nothing to read.

I'll have a go at interpreting this in the MN social media acceptable use code:

OK:
Charity/fundraising posts "I'm fundraising for x charity": good because they make you look virtuous without being political
Landscapes/beach scenes: fine because they make you look consensual.

Not OK:
Any pictures of your hubby or reference to his existence, let alone affection or gratitude: he's having an affair
Pictures of your kids: they are going to be traumatised, targeted by paedophiles and taken into care in later life because you exposed them to social media.
Any selfies, particularly ones involving filters, you're a chav with no taste and probably having an affair.
Anything political, you're a virtue signaller and "woke"
Any holiday pics: you're a narcissist.
Any pictures of social activities: you've got no real friends.

Interesting, btw, that these objections are almost always levelled at the behaviour at women on social media. I've yet to see anyone complain about their DH's endless golf/cycling pics on Facebook.

You think?
Surprising how many people go on with their own lives after the funeral when your life has changed forever.
People are busy. Not everyone remembers dates in the same way the grieving person does.
An older lady i know lost her husband and she posts quite a lot about him. It's her way of dealing with it. If that means just one person decides to call in on her then surely that's a good thing.
Who are you to decide how people can and can't grieve? Years ago it didn't exist, but life changes. Don't you do anything that wasn't an option years ago? Are you stuck in the past.
Maybe those grieving people don't want to pick up the phone because they don't want to disturb anyone.
Try and see things from a way other than your own!

Genuine question: Do you know how to use the Facebook unfollow / unfriend feature? And if so, why don't you use it instead of getting yourself so worked up about other people's posts that you need to post on Mumsnet about it?

@ihaveanopinion

I asked my previous question more so for you, since in your OP, you identify that this particular couple who are "giving you the ick" post the same "gushy" posts every year. If that's the case, have you not learned that this is their posting pattern by now, and if so, surely you can unfollow or unfriend? Why would you subject yourself to such "ick" year upon year? The mind boggles.

I wish my late brother a happy birthday every year on his birthday.

Anyone who doesn't like it can get fucked.

I do the same for my mother who died when I was young, and equally anyone who doesn't like it can also get fucked.

I've just seen a Happy Heavenly Birthday Nan post on my feed, full of photos of my friend and her Nan throughout her life.

It's a lovely way to honour someone who was a big part of your life.