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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gushy Facebook posts

214 replies

ihaveanopinion · 29/08/2023 19:18

Why do people feel the need to post gushing anniversary posts on social media?! Even more laughable when I know the husband is having an affair! Just feels so forced and gives me the ick! Every year this same couple post individual messages to each other for all their friends and family to see and comment on. Why do people do this?! Are their lives that sad or AIBU?

OP posts:
fruitstick · 30/08/2023 07:52

@marblesthecat you can think they're stupid, and people will think you are mean and spiteful as evidenced by this thread.

But you do you I suppose. I know which one I'd rather be

fruitstick · 30/08/2023 07:53

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 30/08/2023 07:51

Oh and I write posts each year about my best friend who passed 13 years ago. I like to share his memory and more importantly his mom loves them. She writes a post too. I know it makes her happy when me and our other close friends remember him.

I would love it if my son's friends did this. Please keep doing it.

marblesthecat · 30/08/2023 07:54

fruitstick · 30/08/2023 07:52

@marblesthecat you can think they're stupid, and people will think you are mean and spiteful as evidenced by this thread.

But you do you I suppose. I know which one I'd rather be

@fruitstick I do think they're stupid yes, it is literally not someone's wedding anniversary if they are dead. And I don't know how "people" will think I'm mean and spiteful as I don't comment this on their posts.

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/08/2023 07:57

I'm sorry I think these posts where people pile on to sneer at people who post things on Facebook and "cringe" at people who post things in the belief that their husbands to be faithful are just the extension of the nastiest behaviour in the school playground. It's moral majority with a healthy dose of modern day Hyacinth Bouquet. Just horrible.

You're laughing at people who are being cheated on, laughing at people grieving, laughing at people who have bad taste in interior decor or who are poorer than you. And passing it all off under the guise of "they're all addicted to social media, how embarrassing". Well of course they are, as are you, or you wouldn't be posting about this. Of course there's too much showing off and narcissism on Facebook, this is a stunningly obvious observation and it doen't make you particularly clever or insightful. Why does naming and shaming particular individuals because they are sad or vulnerable and try to put their best foot forward online make you feel better about yourselves? If sneering at Jane next door for not realising her hubby is bonking his PA makes you feel good about yourself you are a genuinely horrible person.

Grow up and develop enough emotional intelligence to recognise that if someone's husband is cheating on them she is likely in denial about it and trying to convince herself as much as anyone. Let her have this small crumb of dignity without you "cringing" and sneering at her on Mumsnet.

And by the way if you're not allowed to post affection for your husband or children, not allowed to commemorate birthdays etc on Facebook, what exactly is it for? Can you share an approved lists of acceptable topics? Because God forbid that I should breach the cringe code.

Ilovemydog2 · 30/08/2023 07:59

Jeannie88 · 29/08/2023 19:53

Oh my goodness, the whole SM of detailing every aspect of life. Ffs, who are you trying to convince? Share it with people who may actually care on private whattsapp groups! I stopped FB years ago, do lurk a bit, then just cringe 😬 I know so many who are literally sat next to their partners all day every day putting messages on to them, ugh, get a grip!

Maybe they think people who have requested/accepted being Facebook friends actually care.

What do people on this thread actually expect them to post if not their lives and relationships? I’ve read on MN people complaining about posting holidays as that’s now not reading the room about the cost of living crisis. I don’t have any SM (except this…) but this kind of thing really wouldn’t bother me. It’s nice to see others happy even if I’m not.

annalouise1984 · 30/08/2023 08:05

IrritableVowel · 30/08/2023 07:48

Can I ask... All of you who seem to think it is wrong/vile/cringe to post practically any memory, occasion or photo on Facebook, what do you use FB for and what kind of posts don't you have an aversion to?

They clearly use it to sneer at others, to feel better about their own lives, and then they make threads on MN to sneer anonymously. How sad.

annalouise1984 · 30/08/2023 08:07

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/08/2023 07:57

I'm sorry I think these posts where people pile on to sneer at people who post things on Facebook and "cringe" at people who post things in the belief that their husbands to be faithful are just the extension of the nastiest behaviour in the school playground. It's moral majority with a healthy dose of modern day Hyacinth Bouquet. Just horrible.

You're laughing at people who are being cheated on, laughing at people grieving, laughing at people who have bad taste in interior decor or who are poorer than you. And passing it all off under the guise of "they're all addicted to social media, how embarrassing". Well of course they are, as are you, or you wouldn't be posting about this. Of course there's too much showing off and narcissism on Facebook, this is a stunningly obvious observation and it doen't make you particularly clever or insightful. Why does naming and shaming particular individuals because they are sad or vulnerable and try to put their best foot forward online make you feel better about yourselves? If sneering at Jane next door for not realising her hubby is bonking his PA makes you feel good about yourself you are a genuinely horrible person.

Grow up and develop enough emotional intelligence to recognise that if someone's husband is cheating on them she is likely in denial about it and trying to convince herself as much as anyone. Let her have this small crumb of dignity without you "cringing" and sneering at her on Mumsnet.

And by the way if you're not allowed to post affection for your husband or children, not allowed to commemorate birthdays etc on Facebook, what exactly is it for? Can you share an approved lists of acceptable topics? Because God forbid that I should breach the cringe code.

Couldn't agree with you more. Well said.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 30/08/2023 08:07

fruitstick · 30/08/2023 07:53

I would love it if my son's friends did this. Please keep doing it.

Show quote history

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. 💝

I actually made his daughter who was a baby at the time, a book of all his Facebook posts about her and her mom. It has pics from his page and sweet statuses. Thankfully he was a sap too, so I had all these lovely sentiments straight from him to his wife and daughter.

Truth be told it's my favourite thing I've ever done for someone. I gave a copy to his mom and sister too and included posts he'd written about them.

Sux2buthen · 30/08/2023 08:13

@Theeternalrocksbeneath Grinlove everything about this

littleboymama · 30/08/2023 08:23

Life is too short to worry about if other people like what I write on my social media. I share many milestone posts for my baby boy and I’m happy for anyone who doesn’t like them to mute or remove me off their Facebook. I also post on our wedding anniversary and our holiday pictures too.

I also post every so often about my twin pregnancy that unfortunately ended in miscarriage, for example on should be due date or “you should be 1 today” sort of thing. I don’t really care what others say about the way I grieve, happy to be removed from your fb :)

bofski14 · 30/08/2023 08:25

I think the difference is the direction of the posts. There's a massive difference in the feeling of reading "YOU are my soulmate and I love YOU my gorgeous husband" (which instantly gives a guy reaction of "Oops this is not meant for my eyes as I am a colleague from six years ago and definitely not her husband") and reading "I'm feeling over the moon today celebrating mine and my husband's anniversary. I love him so much!" (which although may be cheesy, is sharing the news outwards so nobody feels like they are being intrusive). It's all about the direction to which you are shouting the claim - to the audience watching "It's my beautiful daughters birthday today!" or to the one year old daughter herself "Happy birthday baby!". One includes the reader and one doesn't. I don't think it's about the information at all really. It's the feeling of scrolling and feeling that you are reading someone's diary or opening their post because you are seeing a public declaration geared towards an individual.

Beargrumps22 · 30/08/2023 08:31

there is a couple in our town who put gushy posts about the wonderful x number of years together she has had more affairs than i can count for a start and its known he treats her like a punch bag ok its their choice to be together however bad but fgs lets stop the hypocrisy

DrSbaitso · 30/08/2023 08:34

Beargrumps22 · 30/08/2023 08:31

there is a couple in our town who put gushy posts about the wonderful x number of years together she has had more affairs than i can count for a start and its known he treats her like a punch bag ok its their choice to be together however bad but fgs lets stop the hypocrisy

So the affairs and the beatings don't offend you, but FB posts do?

littleboymama · 30/08/2023 08:36

@fruitstick I’m so sorry for your loss. Ignore the nasty comments mocking those who grieve in public. Why should you keep it private? This is your life and your son you can post what you want on social media. Keep him and his memory alive.

DrSbaitso · 30/08/2023 08:38

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/08/2023 07:57

I'm sorry I think these posts where people pile on to sneer at people who post things on Facebook and "cringe" at people who post things in the belief that their husbands to be faithful are just the extension of the nastiest behaviour in the school playground. It's moral majority with a healthy dose of modern day Hyacinth Bouquet. Just horrible.

You're laughing at people who are being cheated on, laughing at people grieving, laughing at people who have bad taste in interior decor or who are poorer than you. And passing it all off under the guise of "they're all addicted to social media, how embarrassing". Well of course they are, as are you, or you wouldn't be posting about this. Of course there's too much showing off and narcissism on Facebook, this is a stunningly obvious observation and it doen't make you particularly clever or insightful. Why does naming and shaming particular individuals because they are sad or vulnerable and try to put their best foot forward online make you feel better about yourselves? If sneering at Jane next door for not realising her hubby is bonking his PA makes you feel good about yourself you are a genuinely horrible person.

Grow up and develop enough emotional intelligence to recognise that if someone's husband is cheating on them she is likely in denial about it and trying to convince herself as much as anyone. Let her have this small crumb of dignity without you "cringing" and sneering at her on Mumsnet.

And by the way if you're not allowed to post affection for your husband or children, not allowed to commemorate birthdays etc on Facebook, what exactly is it for? Can you share an approved lists of acceptable topics? Because God forbid that I should breach the cringe code.

👏

<<standing ovation>>

Facebook is almost 20 years old. If you still haven't worked out how to hide content you don't want to see, or that it's not for you, it's not the people you're following who look silly.

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/08/2023 08:59

Beargrumps22 · 30/08/2023 08:31

there is a couple in our town who put gushy posts about the wonderful x number of years together she has had more affairs than i can count for a start and its known he treats her like a punch bag ok its their choice to be together however bad but fgs lets stop the hypocrisy

But the entire premise of their relationship is a lie in that case. Why get so hung up on their Facebook activity?

If you're in an abusive relationship with someone you hate then you're hardly going to post pictures of yourself with a black eye on social media with a caption saying: "Look at my lovely black eye: my husband's an abusive arse", are you?

Your issue is with people who make big compromises in their life choices. I don't disagree that putting up with physical abuse or cheating is suboptimal behaviour but that's the issue. Not the Facebook gloss they choose to put on it.

Original poster
ihaveanopinion · 30/08/2023 09:12

My god this thread got serious quickly.... all I wanted was chat about why people feel the need to say things on SM that they could say in person! Just can't understand the fakery of it all 🤷🏻‍♀️ especially since it's evident that most people think you're not being authentic and doing it for attention when you post things like that. I understand posting key moments and even just saying "celebrating our anniversary" with a pic of you both...fine...but it's the gushy sentimental posts that come with it that make me want to chunder!

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 30/08/2023 09:21

ihaveanopinion · 30/08/2023 09:12

My god this thread got serious quickly.... all I wanted was chat about why people feel the need to say things on SM that they could say in person! Just can't understand the fakery of it all 🤷🏻‍♀️ especially since it's evident that most people think you're not being authentic and doing it for attention when you post things like that. I understand posting key moments and even just saying "celebrating our anniversary" with a pic of you both...fine...but it's the gushy sentimental posts that come with it that make me want to chunder!

Sorry, if you choose to sneer and "cringe" at people who are trying to make peace with horrible situations in their lives in the best they can you don't get to walk off and say "I was only joking".

You've asked a totally faux naive question to provoke a response. You totally understand why they post this. They post it because they are sad and uncomfortable with the cognitive dissonance of the lie they are living. They choose to get through this in a way that suits them. It's not a perfect solution but they're not alone. Most people in various ways massage the image they put onto social media. Maybe not as blatantly as that but no one posts about how shit and boring their lives are. And you choose to come running to an internet talk board and go: "Look at all these fake people. Her husband's cheating on her, what an idiot. LOLZ. Let's have a laugh behind her back."

You do this not because you think its an issue worthy of social commentary but because at some level you feel better than these people. Well you know what? You're not. You're both lying to yourselves in different ways. The posters whose husbands are cheating on them are deluding themselves, yes, but they are at least trying to see their lives through a positive lens and if anything they deserve quiet sympathy rather than being called out by so-called friends. You're just making gossipy capital at the expense of people you know by laughing at the way they choose to present themselves to strangers on the internet.

At least have the guts to own it.

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 30/08/2023 09:25

@ihaveanopinion I agree, it is totally cringe. Especially when presumably the couple live in the same house as each other so that can just...tell each other how they feel?? It's definitely done for show and I always think there should be no need to do stuff for other people's benefit if things are truly that wonderful? You normally end up finding out the couple have split up a few months later, or as you say there have been affairs etc.

annalouise1984 · 30/08/2023 09:27

@Thepeopleversuswork

Nailed it, again 👏🏻

Original poster
ihaveanopinion · 30/08/2023 09:32

@Thepeopleversuswork ooooo have I hit a nerve? 😬

OP posts:
fruitstick · 30/08/2023 09:33

ihaveanopinion · 30/08/2023 09:12

My god this thread got serious quickly.... all I wanted was chat about why people feel the need to say things on SM that they could say in person! Just can't understand the fakery of it all 🤷🏻‍♀️ especially since it's evident that most people think you're not being authentic and doing it for attention when you post things like that. I understand posting key moments and even just saying "celebrating our anniversary" with a pic of you both...fine...but it's the gushy sentimental posts that come with it that make me want to chunder!

Also you don't understand the fakery of it but think grieving people should 'do it in private' because it makes you feel uncomfortable.

No, not a serious thread at all ...

Original poster
ihaveanopinion · 30/08/2023 09:38

@fruitstick how do you think people used to deal with it before SM? I'm sure they weren't posting pictures of their loved ones through friends and families doors letting them know it's their birthday...because that would be weird considering it's personal to you but not everyone needs to know about it. Those who care will know and I'm sure reach out if they want to.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 30/08/2023 09:40

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/08/2023 09:21

Sorry, if you choose to sneer and "cringe" at people who are trying to make peace with horrible situations in their lives in the best they can you don't get to walk off and say "I was only joking".

You've asked a totally faux naive question to provoke a response. You totally understand why they post this. They post it because they are sad and uncomfortable with the cognitive dissonance of the lie they are living. They choose to get through this in a way that suits them. It's not a perfect solution but they're not alone. Most people in various ways massage the image they put onto social media. Maybe not as blatantly as that but no one posts about how shit and boring their lives are. And you choose to come running to an internet talk board and go: "Look at all these fake people. Her husband's cheating on her, what an idiot. LOLZ. Let's have a laugh behind her back."

You do this not because you think its an issue worthy of social commentary but because at some level you feel better than these people. Well you know what? You're not. You're both lying to yourselves in different ways. The posters whose husbands are cheating on them are deluding themselves, yes, but they are at least trying to see their lives through a positive lens and if anything they deserve quiet sympathy rather than being called out by so-called friends. You're just making gossipy capital at the expense of people you know by laughing at the way they choose to present themselves to strangers on the internet.

At least have the guts to own it.

Show quote history

YES

Jeannie88 · 30/08/2023 09:43

Ilovemydog2 · 30/08/2023 07:59

Maybe they think people who have requested/accepted being Facebook friends actually care.

What do people on this thread actually expect them to post if not their lives and relationships? I’ve read on MN people complaining about posting holidays as that’s now not reading the room about the cost of living crisis. I don’t have any SM (except this…) but this kind of thing really wouldn’t bother me. It’s nice to see others happy even if I’m not.

Show quote history

Yes I understand it can be a source of comfort to many, especially when in need of attention for whatever reasons. Some really are just complete fabrications and cringe though but hey if that makes them happy I guess. Xx