After school won’t let my teenage daughter pick up my son in an emergency

[Fuknstuck]

I’m sick, running a fever, I’m dizzy and fluid is streaming out both ends. I am also disabled so this has a knock on effect on my mobility. It just came on 2 hours ago, there’s no way I can leave the toilet let alone drive one street safely.

I called after school care to request my 14 almost 15 year old daughter to pick up my 6 year old son and bring him home, one street away and they’re refusing because she’s a minor. I explained there is nobody able to help me - neighbours all at work, only one who isn’t is 93 and dying of cancer, my parents live 300 miles away and my partner is working in intensive care and can’t just up and leave. I dont have friends who use the after care.

They are refusing to allow my daughter to pick him up. They know her, they know she’s mature and responsible but won’t let her bring him the one street from school to our home. I’ve asked what I’m supposed to do. It’s the first time I’ve ever asked them to do this and they know it’s an emergency and they’re refusing. I’ve asked how we resolve this as they can’t keep him overnight and I literally cannot get to the school.

AIBU to expect in an emergency situation where the parent trusts the teenage child and accepts all liability, that they should allow her to pick him up?

I'm not sure, it might be in their rules they can't release attendees to children. But on the surface it does seem mad. What was their suggested solution?

Yanbu

Ridiculous

The school’s hands may be tied. They will have legal safeguarding rules set by LA.

They didn’t offer one other than ask a friend. I don’t have any who are able to or who live nearby.

This does seem excessive. There's no law against siblings collecting children from school so I assume the same is true of after school settings.

If you were my neighbour I would do this for you. There must be someone you can ask?

I would suggest that they could bring him home themselves as it’s only a street away if they won’t accept your perfectly sensible solution!

not allowed at our school. Have to be 16

The manager refused this and told me he would be doing this for me or any parent.

Ugh 😫 where do you live OP? If anywhere near me I would happily collect him for you (I know it’s a long shot!)

It's unfortunate but there is no rule bending when it's safeguarding.

Think you are going to have to beg a favour from a friend. or get your partner to do it.

They're being ridiculous, and if they contact SS and tell them that a child hasn't been collected in this situation SS will not be impressed.

Secondary age siblings are allowed to collect from my DC primary school so I wonder if it’s a school or LA rule.

Do you know any parents in your son’s class that can accompany both children home? Doesn’t sound like it’s far so no great imposition in an emergency.

Sounds as though you have Covid. If they really won’t be flexible on this then would a teacher walk him home with your dd, as you are only a short distance away ?

That's ridiculous. My teenage son regularly picks up his little sister from school and that's far more than 1 street away. Awful that you could have to risk bringing a sickness bug to a load of kids too.

They need to apply some common sense.

That's ridiculous; they're leaving the only option as calling Social Services to provide emergency foster care!

I was once 20 minutes late to collect my son (stuck behind a traffic accident on a bridge and my phone died so couldn't call them) and that's what they told me they were just about to do.

I called my partner and he’s away to see if his boss will allow him.

if she says no then we’re properly stuck.

I really don’t have anyone I can ask. No friends. No neighbours and family live hours away.

That said I'd ask among your friends if anyone can spare 5 minutes to collect him and literally hand him over to his sister outside the door.

Although it'll say a lot about how rigid their safeguarding is if they'll hand him over to a random adult, but not a known teenage sibling.

They'll have to implement their safeguarding policy which probably means calling social care, who will almost certainly tell them to let DD take DS.

Where I work we'd bring her home, but we're not a mainstream school.

Who are you talking to? The office? Is there a home school liaison or welfare/pastoral care officer you can speak to?

What time is he due to be collected op?

Ours had the rule that no minors were able to collect children unless they were actually the parents. I'd assume if you don't pick them up then social services are called to collect the child, but not sure what they'd make of the situation.

Are the kids allowed to walk by themselves? If so they could let him out and your daughter could be there waiting for him and they walk home together.

They'll tell the school to stop being silly.

Is your daughter mature enough to go to the nursery and ask one of the parents? Do you know any?

So hi, I'm Bob's sister, my Mom is too ill to collect Bob and nursery won't let me. We live two streets away. Could you help and if so Mom will call them and confirm it.

I'd do that in those circs

Just leave him. They'll have to call the police or social services after a certain time. And when you tell them what's happened they'll be told how ridiculous they're being. Yes there are rules but use some common sense!