After school won’t let my teenage daughter pick up my son in an emergency

[Fuknstuck]

I’m sick, running a fever, I’m dizzy and fluid is streaming out both ends. I am also disabled so this has a knock on effect on my mobility. It just came on 2 hours ago, there’s no way I can leave the toilet let alone drive one street safely.

I called after school care to request my 14 almost 15 year old daughter to pick up my 6 year old son and bring him home, one street away and they’re refusing because she’s a minor. I explained there is nobody able to help me - neighbours all at work, only one who isn’t is 93 and dying of cancer, my parents live 300 miles away and my partner is working in intensive care and can’t just up and leave. I dont have friends who use the after care.

They are refusing to allow my daughter to pick him up. They know her, they know she’s mature and responsible but won’t let her bring him the one street from school to our home. I’ve asked what I’m supposed to do. It’s the first time I’ve ever asked them to do this and they know it’s an emergency and they’re refusing. I’ve asked how we resolve this as they can’t keep him overnight and I literally cannot get to the school.

AIBU to expect in an emergency situation where the parent trusts the teenage child and accepts all liability, that they should allow her to pick him up?

They are being ridiculous as your daughter is more than capable

however, please build your support network. You have 2 kids. They must have friends? Don’t they ever go to parties? Play dates? Don’t you chat before or after school to anyone?

you have no friends? No family? None at all? Today is a prime example of why you cannot continue to live an existence of isolation. Even if you don’t like people, you have to get on with it for the sake of your kids

The law won’t allow it. That’s all there is to it. They won’t even allow his teacher to drop him off. It’s cast in stone I’m afraid. With good reason. If they did let an underage child pick him up that would mean they are opening themselves to severe legal proceedings if anything happens to him on the way home. If you really can’t pick him up call and tell the headteacher you give specific permission for a senior member of staff to take him home. They will do this but you will probably get a visit from the social worker attached to the school asking if you are managing and if you can make arrangements in future. However they will never allow a 15 year old to collect him.

I was a teacher for 7 years. I had to leave teacher due to health reasons.
Moreover, your reply was rude and ill informed. I suggest you call local school and ask them, instead of giving us all the benefit of your uninformed opinion.

Sorry, this is quite a common rule in educational settings. Usually they ask for a non-family emergency contact when you sign up. A family friend or relative. I guess in case something happened to both parents but usually because neither parent is contactable. Do you not have one? You'll need it for trips etc so it's useful. I just two of my friends as mine. I got rushed to hospital in an ambulance and this was invaluable. Maybe just think about your son's friends and who he could go home with in an emergency.

I have just looked at my local schools policy and they let siblings over 14 with parents written permission. There is no law. There is plenty on the web to confirm this so perhaps educate yourself rather than making things up. e.g. https://schoolleaders.thekeysupport.com/pupils-and-parents/safeguarding/child-protection/pupil-collection-arrangements/

Why is it the people who know least shout the loudest?

Well my 13 and 15 yos regularly pick up my younger child from primary school and the after-school club, and have done since yr7. The primary school playground at pickup time is full of dozens of secondary-aged children doing likewise. The other day my 13yo collected his sibling from a club. Are you honestly suggesting that all these settings are breaking the law, and what is more have been doing so and getting away with it for many years without challenge from anyone?

Hint: the school is shit-hot on safeguarding, so if they have decided it is ok, then clearly, they are acting legally! Honestly, have you even read the thread? My child's school is not some strange outlier, this is going on all over the country!

The child didn’t have written permission. The article is in direct conflict with every school I’ve taught at.
I can assure you if anything happens to the child, the school will be held responsible. That’s why many school trips no longer take place. As for “Making things up” what are you implying?

You are wrong. I bet you don’t get told that very often do you?

No I don't set policies and I didn't say it was "a law"
In the almost 20yrs I've worked in childcare all I've known is minors can't collect unless of course it is their own child.

Well said! it was so tiresome spending years qualifying as a teacher only to be told Mr or Mrs Blogs know better than you.

Held responsible by whom? The courts? Is there any case law?

This has nothing to do with the school. OP has said that it’s a private company who provide after school care and rent the premises

Quite a lot as far as I remember. Look it up if it interests you. If you won’t take the word of a qualified teacher or a lady who spent 20 years in childcare (see her post) then I’m afraid no one is going to change your mind. You should join a local board of governors, you would have a lot in common with them.
Please don’t trouble yourself to reply. I had enough of rude and uninformed folk whilst teaching. I don’t have to listen to it now.
You do as you see fit.

I presume their wouldn't need to be if parents actually thought there is protection for children in their care and not 'yeah but that doesn't matter my need is greater than anyone of that safety nonsense'

Ultimately it is a matter for the parent to decide. You have made the reasonable decision on behalf of YOUR child and it is the duty of the school to comply. No rule is unbreakable especially as in this instance it’s “cover their arse time”

Realistically it'd be fine but they likely have to cover their backs. Could they put them in an Uber. Wouldn't cost much.

Why are organisations in the UK allowed to invent their own rules above and beyond the law and limit the parents choices? It sounds totally bonkers to me (elsewhere in EU).

If a parent says in writing (and confirms over the phone from the registered number) that the child is leaving with a sibling, the child is leaving with a sibling. They shouldn't hold the child against the parent's instructions.
Since that moment, it is the parent's responsibility, so the insurance doesn't come into play in any way.

I know the magical world safeguarding, but it is overused and misused in cases like this.

Also a qualified teacher. 15 years experience and I’m a designated safeguarding lead. You are incorrect. The law does not say any such thing.

In fact, the manager was breaking the law and their policy is unlawful. There have been lawyers on this thread who have explained the same. It is for parents to decide who is allowed to collect their child. If a childcare setting feels strongly that the parent’s decision is putting the child at serious risk of harm then they should report to social care for neglect. They have no right whatsoever to just refuse to hand over the child over. The OP in the end managed to get an adult to collect but if she hadn’t then the club had backed themselves into an absurd corner. If no adult came, what would they have done?

This has all been covered repeatedly on this thread. I’m curious, did you read the thread before posting?

Not quite. The school is responsible to an extent for safeguarding on their premises when they rent it out. It’s paragraph 166 and 167 of Keeping Children Safe in Education.

Apparently not before or after, or she would have had to explain how my child's primary school, after-school club and holiday club provision are all 3 breaking the law with gay abandon 🙄

Which law would that be... Exactly.

Because people like yourself who keep banging on about this law seem to know something many of us who've worked in childcare for 20+ years know.

In fact it's a law that Ofsted are clearly not aware of as in the 14 years of the before and after school care I ran being graded at the top level, and the playscheme I ran for 17 years always coming out on top, not once was this mythical law of yours ever mentioned...

Also in the 20 years of working in schools I only know of ONE occasion where a school refused to back down to a parent deciding their child should walk to or from school alone or with a sibling, and that was in the midst of a number of safeguarding concerns.

So go on then @AlexReventa link us to this law of yours...

Any childcare facility that thinks a random Uber driver is less of a safeguarding issue than a 14/15 year old sibling should absolutely have their registration removed...

School trips are not happening because schools have no money to fund them and a shortage of support staff to go along.