After school won’t let my teenage daughter pick up my son in an emergency

[Fuknstuck]

I’m sick, running a fever, I’m dizzy and fluid is streaming out both ends. I am also disabled so this has a knock on effect on my mobility. It just came on 2 hours ago, there’s no way I can leave the toilet let alone drive one street safely.

I called after school care to request my 14 almost 15 year old daughter to pick up my 6 year old son and bring him home, one street away and they’re refusing because she’s a minor. I explained there is nobody able to help me - neighbours all at work, only one who isn’t is 93 and dying of cancer, my parents live 300 miles away and my partner is working in intensive care and can’t just up and leave. I dont have friends who use the after care.

They are refusing to allow my daughter to pick him up. They know her, they know she’s mature and responsible but won’t let her bring him the one street from school to our home. I’ve asked what I’m supposed to do. It’s the first time I’ve ever asked them to do this and they know it’s an emergency and they’re refusing. I’ve asked how we resolve this as they can’t keep him overnight and I literally cannot get to the school.

AIBU to expect in an emergency situation where the parent trusts the teenage child and accepts all liability, that they should allow her to pick him up?

Does your dd have a friend who looks older than 16? You could say she's a cousin.

I’ve sent my 13 yr old to collect siblings!
You are the parent, you make decisions for your child.
Email them their sibling will be collecting them, and they no longer have permission to hold your child after this time.
You May however be banned after this…

It will depend on their policy unfortunately.

I'm a childminder and my policy is I don't release under 8s to anyone under 16.

What time does the club close? They might decide to bring him home themselves at closing time and just charge you for the extra time.

I imagine they are a private business they can enforce any rule they like.

I work in a afterschool, this is our policy but tbh its rarely enforced. Common sense should prevail.

The nspcc guidance which says there's no legal age to babysit? Because I hardly think Op is going to be legally challenging her dd if harm comes to her ds in the one street walk home.

You may just have to sit on a towel (if the worst happens) and go pick him up. I've been in your situation, really I'll, not disabled though and had to just bite the bullet. You'll have to keep him off from school tomorrow until you are better.

The after school club may well have a rule that under 16s don't collect. That will depend on their safeguarding policy. The OP may insist and the ASC could cave in and release the child. However, the ASC could then refuse to have the child back as parents won't follow their rules.

So what would you do if a parent was in Op's situation?

It’s a private after school company run in his school. It’s the manager of the after school I’m trying to get to understand my predicament.
All apologetic but still no.

I've been in the position of having to comfort a child when they've not been collected before the end of an ASC. Even though my situation was a genuine mistake and the parents arrived 30 minutes later, the child was still distressed and upset at being the last one remaining. I can't believe the club are willing to put your child through this when there's a sibling willing to collect.😔

YANBU OP, the club are being ridiculous.

Legally binding? Under which law?

The 14 year old won't be legally responsible for the child, so if the club release the child in their care to another child, the question of who is actually responsible if something goes wrong on the walk home is a bit of a grey area. The club will be worried about their Ofsted registration.

This.

Id just walk there and pick the child up. It’s only one street away as you say and even when I’m ill to the extent you are I always still try get out the house.

Surely this is a case where you as the parent can overrule the club? If you say that you take full responsibility for the 'release ' of your son?

I think I might suggest I'd call the police as they are holding my child against my will!

They are being ridiculous and I say this as a safeguarding lead.

You have parental responsibility and have authorised your DD to collect. They should not refuse this unless they have grave concerns about your DS’s safety, in which case they would need to make a child protection referral if they plan on withholding him.

I think you should call their bluff. Call them to say that there is no adult able to collect, you will be sending DD at the allocated time and DS will walk home with her. Make it clear that you know that they would have to make an urgent child protection referral if they won’t hand your child over to DD, as nobody else will be able to make it., and they would have to have grave concerns about safety to justify refusing to release your child to an authorised person. Social services would rip them a new one if they waste their time with this.

@ActDottie the OP says she has diarrhea.

Surely this is a case where you as the parent can overrule the club? If you say that you take full responsibility for the 'release ' of your son?

I was wondering the same thing. Lots of schools / clubs have a list of people who are allowed to collect the child. But if a parent gives permission for a different person to collect they don't turn around and say nah, can't do that we have to follow the list.

That's ridiculous. My eldest was allowed to collect his brother when he was a similar age, no problems.

Not a grey area at all if the OP authorises it - unless her dd turns up drunk or something.

OP has parental responsibility. She is allowed to send her dd if she thinks it reasonable.

OP just tell them to call ss then. I imagine that, once the manager realises they're going to be sat there for hours waiting a solution will be found.

Our after school club has the age 16 for collection rule too, even though they can walk home from school unsupervised at any age.

It doesn't seem uncommon to have an over 16 pick up rule - but I do wonder what they expect to happen in this situation if OP can't find an adult.

Tell the club you are calling the police for not allowing your child to leave with a family member.

Do you have a class WhatsApp at all? Normally the bane of my life but in this situation loads of us would happily pick up your child and bring him home.

They're going to be staying late then, till your partner can get there, aren't they?

That is ridiculous.

When you're better you'd better have a good look at their policy

You'd go out of the house with a fever and diarrhoea would you?

@ActDottie did you miss the part where she said she's disabled?