To be upset that friends didn’t to text to thank me for hosting lunch party?

[GreekDogRescue]

I went to a huge amount of trouble; cooked for 3 days and provided fantastic drinks.
There were 6 of us, partner and my friend staying who is great.

But my 3 other friends arrived on time, brought flowers as it was my birthday, lovely, and stayed for SEVEN HOURS.

They had a great time, drank and ate large amounts and we had a good old eighties disco. I thought they’d never leave tbh.

But today I’m shattered (I’ve been ill so it was quite an effort) and while I know they had a good time I am disappointed no communication. One forwarded me a video about something but didn’t add a personal message.

I’m 60 and think my days of entertaining are coming to a close. It’s exhausting especially when people don’t really appreciate it.

I'd be a bit disappointed too not to receive a text even if they had said thank you on the day. However, I find that few people bother nowadays, so you're not alone!

Maybe it's a generational thing? I've always operated on the basis that lunch or drinks are followed up with a phone call and supper or overnight stays with a note. My teenage DS do a fair bit of to-ing and fro-ing to stay with schoolfriends. They always take a gift for the parents and always send a thank you note. It's reciprocal - I've hardly ever not been thanked in the same way.

Agree it’s probably generational but have been amused by the fact that some on here seem rather annoyed by the news that a lot of people still like to send thank you cards!

I can't speak for everyone but personally I've only been annoyed by the poster saying not sending a card is "lazy" and by the OP who seems determined to be a martyr. I'm not annoyed about cards in general, though I'm not sad they're on the decline because of sustainability.

I understand wanting thanks for the amount of effort however I’ve started thinking- am I doing this to get thanked or am I doing this to give my friends a good evening/nice present etc. If they aren’t the types to send thank you cards for presents and texts after a nice evening that’s fine, I wasn’t doing it for a card or text, I was doing it because I want to give my friends a lovely present/evening. If you truly only spent three days getting ready in order to spend the next day receiving thank you texts then I’m not convinced you’ve got your priorities right. However if you really did only go to all that effort for the thanks then just send them a text saying ‘hope you had a lovely time, so great to see you’ or something that will prompt a thank you

Did you send a text to thank them
for the flowers?

^this^

A text from OP saying: thanks for coming to my birthday gathering, it was really nice to see you all and thanks for the flowers.

Thanks for having us texts will follow.

I'd assume they said thanks for having us as they were leaving. If so, I think op wants her guests to be eternally grateful.

Our friends and I always text (at least) or send a note after hosting each other. I'm surprised that it isn't considered the norm by most people tbh.

Have YOU text THEM to thank them for coming all the way to spend your birthday with you, and for bringing you a lovely gift of flowers?
It works both ways.
They didn’t ask you to spend three days preparing food, whilst you’re ill, you chose to do that, so that is irrelevant to your point.

That said, I do think a thank you text is always polite. I would always do it as soon as I got home, usually saying thank you for hosting alongside a favourite memory from the event. They should have done this, but also you need to text them to thank them for the gifts. I’d be a bit miffed if I was you, but I’d get over it pretty quickly.

Have you thanked them for taking 7 hours out of their day to celebrate your birthday?

Seems like a silly thing to spend time getting worked up over and is probably your hangover anxiety talking. 👍🏻

I think it’s a bit odd you were panicking over it.

You don’t give to receive. If you expect more than a thank you in the night, and you get that upset about it, it may be time to stop offering

What kind of Stepford Wife cooks for THREE DAYS for a lunch? That’s mental. And equally mental is expecting people to follow up, after saying thankyou when they left, with MORE thankyous days later. Everything about this is mental. You’re being unreasonable. And you probably need some sort of professional help. Mental.

I’m clearly an outlier, but my family and friends always text to say we’re safely home and thank each other for the lovely time we’ve spent together! It takes very little effort and acknowledges the fact that we appreciate each other. Honestly can’t see the problem with this. And having been the person who does the majority of cooking for feasts and gatherings, my circle usually also say thank you for that and those who have time/energy bring something as a contribution, which the group and I will also say huge thank yous for. Basically, we all say thank you in person and then add a further message later to say how much we appreciate spending time together. I can’t actually see why this isn’t normal as it means we all feel loved and valued. In no way is it a burden. It feels good to behave like this to the people we love.

I would definitely send a text to say thanks too.

We are absolutely the same.

I honestly think it is very normal.

I would do this having had a bowl of soup at a friends.

I am not sure why verbal thanks are not enough these days.

Your teen son takes a gift and writes a note for a sleepover at a mates?

Wow I would have loads from this holiday alone.

I’m wary of any etiquette rules that start to turn visits into a huge amount of hassle and stress. It puts people off visiting altogether because it just becomes exhausting and you start to worry about accidentally offending someone.

Both hosts and guests should thank each other sincerely in person, verbally. Anything done in addition to that is nice but not essential.

My teenage DS do a fair bit of to-ing and fro-ing to stay with schoolfriends. They always take a gift for the parents and always send a thank you note. It's reciprocal - I've hardly ever not been thanked in the same way.
I'm glad my teens and their mates never did this! The recycling bin would be full in no time!

Why spend 3 days on 6 people that's a lot of prep for a bit of food don't do it if you don't enjoy it or find it too much....we regularly have 6 guests prep starts about 12 for a 7pm they bring a few drinks say thanks etc when they leave job done.

Well it seems I never have to buy tea towels