To be upset that friends didn’t to text to thank me for hosting lunch party?

[GreekDogRescue]

I went to a huge amount of trouble; cooked for 3 days and provided fantastic drinks.
There were 6 of us, partner and my friend staying who is great.

But my 3 other friends arrived on time, brought flowers as it was my birthday, lovely, and stayed for SEVEN HOURS.

They had a great time, drank and ate large amounts and we had a good old eighties disco. I thought they’d never leave tbh.

But today I’m shattered (I’ve been ill so it was quite an effort) and while I know they had a good time I am disappointed no communication. One forwarded me a video about something but didn’t add a personal message.

I’m 60 and think my days of entertaining are coming to a close. It’s exhausting especially when people don’t really appreciate it.

I am still dying to know though @GreekDogRescue what on earth did you cook/prepare/bake etc that took THREE DAYS to complete?!

Sounds like you’re a great host and you made them want to stay! Be proud! If there is to be a next time, lunch can be tricky as the end is ambiguous and can easily flow through to the evening. Make it dinner at 8!

I’m the one who wants it to last longer if I’ve put lots of effort in. I’d say 7 hours is a good return on 3 days.😉

I have a few different friendship circles (school friends, work friends, mum friends, etc), and it’s definitely the norm in each circle for the birthday person (or parent of birthday child) to thank everyone for coming and for making their birthday special.

If it’s not a birthday party, it would be best practice to thank the host.

I get it that if people brought birthday presents to your gathering you should definitely thank them but if they didn’t and you fed, watered and entertained them I’m a bit puzzled as to why the host should thank the guests rather than the other way around?

I would have said thank you when leaving and tell the host it was really good etc. I would probably follow it up the next day with a short text saying had a great time x. I may possibly forget to send the text the next day though (as I’d already said verbal thanks) but I would send a text even if it’s a couple of days after.

If no one had thanked me by now I'd be upset, would be OK if nothing the same evening.

I think you've made your mind up about not hosting again, don't blame you one bit.

You both say thank you on the night and move on with your lives. None of this pettiness or sending bits of paper through the post.

My honest reaction to all this pettiness is 🙄eye rolling and grow up.

I agree!!

You know you host a good party when your friends don’t want to leave.

If they didn’t say thank you when they left then yes that’s very rude but I personally wouldn’t think to say it again or send a thank you card or anything.
Perhaps I’m seen as quite rude though 😳

Tbh I think you are just exhausted and feeling a bit fragile.
I wouldn’t make any plans today and just relax and have a bath and early night and I think you’ll feel a lot better tomorrow.

No need to send ‘bits of paper’ through the post as we can text. It’s a fabulous modern invention and saves so much time!

Do you get invited out much 🥲

I have actually just had a nice text 🎉
Panic over folks.
I think I was a bit tired and ready to hang up my chef’s hat.
It’s actually quite nice (sort of 🥴) that people don’t want to go home. Much worse if they only stay an hour or even worse if they cancel just before.
The problem is that i am an introverted extrovert and peak sooner than many people.
I think next time the pub - although hosting is like childbirth, you soon forget the pain.

I think as long as people thank you verbally, sending a separate message is not essential, although I do usually do so.

I think you're tired and resentful because you did too much. Don't be the person who martyrs themselves and then gets grumpy at other people as a result. Next time, why not suggest that each friend brings a dish/bottle of drink?

Yes i do get invited out thank you for dinners nights out and holidays .
Been close to my 3 best friends for almost 30 year .
i have a wide circle of other friends but i guess as you get older you realise you dont care for pettiness . eye roll again 🙄

... you're being very dramatic. You hosted a dinner party for 6 not 60. You shouldn't be I'll from making food and then topping up drinks and having fun.

Why did you cook for 3 days? Seven hours is a normal amount of time for a longer dinner party. You didn't run a marathon.

What do people think all those Thank You cards that you see in shops are for if it is out of the question to send one for an elaborate dinner?

I think the cards are a commercialisation and commoditisation of events,situations that don’t require cards
The verbal thank you & flower was adequate. No card or obsequious gift giving required

I find people who need special types of thanks to be really tiresome and a bit dramatic.

All I need is just to hear the word ‘thank you’. I don’t need cards, flowers, texts. If I hand over a gift, or I’m waving someone off after having them over for dinner, a simple ‘thanks for having me/the gift’ is fine and enough.

I have a few relatives that stopped sending my kids presents because we didn’t send a thank you card. Instead I took a video of her opening them and thanking the giver, with another clip of her playing with the toy whenever she picked it up a week or two after. It wasn’t enough apparently, they needed a card.

Being petty takes up an awful lot of time and headspace, as you've demonstrated.

I am obviously old fashioned but I either drop a friend a text soon after a dinner / party or send a card.

Always made my children write a thank you note for presents when they were little although unless it’s someone elderly now they text / call/ email to say thank you. If I have people to a proper dinner I would say the majority still send a note.

We host people at least twice a week ranging from 'pop over for pasta and a glass of wine' , to 'cocktails and cheese in the garden', to 'three courses and all the stuff'.

People bring additions to the table, wine, spiritus, entire courses sometimes.

They thank us on exit and invite us back. That's all I need

FFs at the rate we host there would be an endless back and forth of texting and notes and letters. Who can be arsed. I've NEVER revived a note or letter of thanks for dinner in the hundreds I've hosted. I'd be bemused by it!

Say thanks and invite then in return. Bring wine or a gift. Fuck the texting and virtuous notes.

@GreekDogRescue wont they take a turn hosting? Why is it just yours or the pub?

In my husband's culture, the hosts bend over backwards to thank the guests for coming, and they are really very good at making you believe that they have really enjoyed the pleasure of hosting and that you as a guest have done them a massive favour simply by being there! Of course, the guests thank the hosts as well!

If I have been hosted by a friend, I would always text afterwards to say thanks for the lunch/dinner or whatever, but honestly, I think you should stop hosting if you don't really enjoy it and you're only doing it as a favour to others. I wouldn't really want to visit a friend who felt that it wasn't worth hosting if I didn't thank her sufficiently...

I think texting (in addition to saying thanks on the way out) is a must in some areas.
I am from an EU country and, as per our customs, I offer to bring starters/dessert/drinks/snacks depending on the occasion. If the host turns that down I bring a gift, which is also standard in the UK per what I have seen.
But where I live people also always text afterwards to thank the host. Even for a child's playdate!
It didn't even occur to me until I received texts every time I hosted, but I have now come to realise it is the norm and expected where I live, and I have started doing the texting thing too.