To be upset that friends didn’t to text to thank me for hosting lunch party?

[GreekDogRescue]

I went to a huge amount of trouble; cooked for 3 days and provided fantastic drinks.
There were 6 of us, partner and my friend staying who is great.

But my 3 other friends arrived on time, brought flowers as it was my birthday, lovely, and stayed for SEVEN HOURS.

They had a great time, drank and ate large amounts and we had a good old eighties disco. I thought they’d never leave tbh.

But today I’m shattered (I’ve been ill so it was quite an effort) and while I know they had a good time I am disappointed no communication. One forwarded me a video about something but didn’t add a personal message.

I’m 60 and think my days of entertaining are coming to a close. It’s exhausting especially when people don’t really appreciate it.

What was on the menu ?

Do you bring flowers for the host when you're invited for dinner and then send another bunch a couple of days later?!! Because that's really going too far for the majority of people that think it's enough to bring a bunch of flowers and say thanks as you're leaving.

I would have liked a thanks when they leaving and that is it, it is weird to do this for thanks I would do it because I want too in the first place

Did they thank you when they left? If so, before mobiles existed would you have expected them to follow up afterwards with a thank you phone call?
If they didn't say thanks when they left then that is rude.

I would send a thank you card to a host who has put effort into me having a fun time irrespective of the occasion.

my friends parents after a back garden wedding / a birthday dinner at someone’s house / a summer drinks party

maybe it isn’t strictly ‘necessary’. But I love it when people make the effort to pop a real card in the post - and I want my friends and family to know that I appreciate their efforts (and to please keep feeding me…)

I never send a thank you text as a rule.
My friends never send me one.
I appreciate when they've hosted at the time and thank them and likewise with them.
Nothing else is needed.

You had seven hours of fun together and you're being miserable over the lack of a few seconds of meaningless texting. Its incredibly glass half empty of you. Is that what you did all that cooking for, for the texts afterwards? Or to enjoy the actual day with your friends, who came along, brought gifts and joined in with your birthday plans wholeheartedly.

The norm with these things varies across groups, as you can see. What usually happens with these friends?

You made an effort so you’d all enjoy the event, not to get thank yous after the event, but it sounds like you regret what you did as they haven’t shown enough/usual appreciation.

Maybe you’re just having a bit of a come down after all the planning and anticipation. It sounds like you all had fun, focus on that.

Well, I think it's bad manners to start a thread & then not participate in it 💁🏻‍♀️

Yet another thread where the OP doesn't bother replying, and we're 100 replies in already...zzzzz

I always say a big thank you and an hug after friends have thrown a party /dinner /coffee etc. and take either wine biscuits or flowers on the day.
These days so many people feel the need to repeat those thank you’s again and again the next day via text , Facebook what’s app etc
I personally don’t.
Similar with birthdays , if I send a card I don’t need to then post happy birthday on Facebook , WhatsApp etc etc. it ridiculous! I refuse to take part, but so many of my friends and family do. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Perhaps they are at home sad because they have had no thanks for the flowers etc and making the effort to come and celebrate with you

Yes, I was thinking that too 😂

You didn't make a faux pas at all. You helped out and thanked them on the day and your DS also thanked them.

Party boy's mother was very rude to have approached you like that.

@KrisAkabusi no I usually take wine and chocolates and follow up with flowers.

Perhaps they are at home sad because they have had no thanks for the flowers etc and making the effort to come and celebrate with you

Exactly! Why don't you text to say, 'thanks ever so much for the flowers and for coming to my birthday!'

You should like you're cutting off your nose! It was your choice to cook for three days, then you moan that your guests stayed and enjoyed your hospitality?!

I guess it depends what sort of celebration it was and how far they'd travelled. If I was invited for an evening meal at say 7 I'd probably be leaving around midnight however when I travel 90mins to my sisters for say 1pm it's not unusual for us to leave after tea at say 7pm. If it was a BBQ or buffet style 'do' that started in the afternoon I might still be there sitting drinking and chatting with friends into the evening.
I don't normally send texts messages or formal thanks afterwards, I do it on the day F2F. I might comment on a group WhatsApp or similar saying what a blast/great time we had and that we must do it again....assuming it was a great night.
Did you enjoy yourself?

I would always follow up with a thank you text, especially where so much effort had clearly been made. YANBU.

Clearly they appreciated it. They stayed for hours and had a great time. I can’t imagine how you spent three days cooking for six people, though. Dial back that kind of crazy, and stop expecting a particular kind of immediate response. Have people round because you want to spend time with them, not because you want to show off your cooking.

Chill.

They verbally thanked her for hosting at the time,face to face and gave her flowers. Really that’s demonstrative enough. Verball Thank you and Flowers is adequate. Let’s not get into competitive displays of gratitude.

Yes. Scumbags that verbally thanked host and brought flowers too, What utter and complete gits. How are flowers and verbal acknowledgment ever adequate praise?

3 days!!! Yeah sure you did.

You had them over because you like them or for all the adulation about how wonderful you are?

Again i’ve only experienced the opposite - when the host sends a card to thank us for the present.

This is all getting a bit silly IMO

I’ll usually text a thank you, as will friends. Not all, but it’s pretty common.

and 3 days isn’t that ridiculous. Dessert made one day, meat prepped the second, cook on the day…

I agree. Also it’s a nice way to continue the party a bit, get their feedback about something they particularly enjoyed.

I was going to invite them for Christmas but I shall be suggesting going to the pub. Less stress for me but no 80’s disco, which is a shame as we all love to dance.
After 7 hours I was wilting though. It reminds me of that scene in Father Ted when Graham Norton turns up with his friends and talk and dance so much they turn the caravan over. Perhaps you can have too much of a good thing 🤣