To ask for help wording this message to in-laws/friends

[Daisy5011]

We have a baby on the way. With our last DC i was really uncomfortable with everyone holding and passing around the baby. This time I would like to be more assertive and just make it clear that no one will be holding baby until he or she is a little older and stronger. Probably a couple of months anyway. Exceptions for grandparents only.

I can say this to my family and they will accept it. I think my in laws/friends will too but I just want to put it in a text to them first before any visits happen so that it isn't awkward in person, or that I don't just back out and say nothing.

I would tell DH to do it for in laws but I think he might be a bit clumsy with his wording.

Just to add, both my in laws and my own family are lovely people and I'm lucky to have them, it's not about being possessive of the baby, just trying to avoid things like RSV, coldsores etc that could be very serious for a newborn.

What is the best way to word the text?

I was thinking of something along the lines of

Hi, looking forward to you all meeting baby. Just to let you know, we've decided its best if no one holds baby for now other than grandparents, as there are so many viruses going around at the moment. Just want to give him/her a chance to get a bit stronger first!

Is that OK? Open to suggestions on message.

Well, there's nothing wrong with the wording. But 2 months? Really?

Was any of this a problem For your first baby? Why would it be a problem now?

If I got that message I wouldn't bother visiting. Having a cuddle with the new baby is the whole point!

Like PP said, nothing wrong with the wording, but unless your new baby has health problems anyway, in which case no one other than parents should be holding him/her, then I think you're being a bit weird and over protective!

For babys immune system and overall health, we want to wait for all baby jabs and vaccines to be administered before we are comfortable with baby having close physical contact with a large number of people, so will be limiting their immediate exposure to grandparents only for the first X weeks/months. We appreciate this may be disappointing because baby cuddles are great, but we want to do what we feel is in our babys best interests, thankyou for understanding.

I’d send that message and then follow up with a separate message to grandparents saying ‘we’ve sent that to everyone just FYI, but doesn’t apply to grandparents 😉’

Unless there are genuine health concerns this makes you sound totally overprotective and frankly, barking mad. I wouldn't be visiting (which may be the point but rather sad not to want to share the joy of your new baby with friends and family)

I think it’s weird! If you dont want anyone holding/approaching your baby then say no to visits.

Yes that.

Yeah, sorry OP but that's a bit wankish.

Wow I’ve heard it all now.
you are being very unreasonable.

This isn't what you want to hear, but refusing to allow anyone except grandparents to hold a baby because you're just trying to avoid things like RSV, coldsores etc that could be very serious for a newborn is, in my opinion, an extreme position that seems driven by anxiety rather than logic. Has something specific happened that's given you this (heightened) fear?

Everyone in my family (parents, sisters, aunts, BILs) is medical (doctors, nurses, midwives) and no one has done anything like this. It's healthy and normal for newborns to be exposed to a variety of germs. By all means ask people not to come if they're ill or have a cold sore but if you're letting people breathe all over your baby it's pretty irrelevant whether they're holding them or not.

I do suffer from anxiety myself (following atraumatic bereavement) so I'm very sympathetic to your feelings but I'd definitely recommend tackling the root of your anxiety rather than trying to manage it by forcing other people to behave I nan unusual manner. I hope this comes across kindly as I intend it, I'm aware it may sound blunt!

Where does the 2 months come from?

it seems arbitrary, not tied into the timing of childhood vaccinations or anything objective.

A couple of months?! YABU unless there are real medical issues diagnosed by a doctor.
No point seeing the new baby if you can't have a quick cuddle!

Your baby needs to be exposed to bugs to strengthen their immune system.

This sounds like you still want people to visit and bring presents but that they can’t hold the baby!

They could visit and not hold them and still pass on a cold/Covid!

If be staying at home if you sent me that message.

FWIW OP, I would’ve said you were overreacting before I had a really bad experience with my second who we let F&F hold from birth. They contracted something very nasty early on (completely healthy at birth) even though we asked people to wash hands and no kissing faces. Long stay in hospital and was VERY unwell.
If I had another I would put in the same rules, however bat shit it made me look.

Your older child will be the main source of germs so it’s bonkers to stop others holding the new baby. Wash hands first is absolutely reasonable and no cuddles if they’re actually ill or have cold sores etc. But not a blanket policy.

Really? You wouldn’t go to give the new parents a bit of support? Or to share in their happiness.

This is insane.

Just weird

Are you for real!! Get a grip, great way to alienate your new baby and lose friends!

I would respect your decision and file you under irrational health anxiety in my brain.

You're being far too precious and a little bit OTT about this.
But do what you want. Expect some eye-rolling.

So wanky.