To ask for help wording this message to in-laws/friends

[Daisy5011]

We have a baby on the way. With our last DC i was really uncomfortable with everyone holding and passing around the baby. This time I would like to be more assertive and just make it clear that no one will be holding baby until he or she is a little older and stronger. Probably a couple of months anyway. Exceptions for grandparents only.

I can say this to my family and they will accept it. I think my in laws/friends will too but I just want to put it in a text to them first before any visits happen so that it isn't awkward in person, or that I don't just back out and say nothing.

I would tell DH to do it for in laws but I think he might be a bit clumsy with his wording.

Just to add, both my in laws and my own family are lovely people and I'm lucky to have them, it's not about being possessive of the baby, just trying to avoid things like RSV, coldsores etc that could be very serious for a newborn.

What is the best way to word the text?

I was thinking of something along the lines of

Hi, looking forward to you all meeting baby. Just to let you know, we've decided its best if no one holds baby for now other than grandparents, as there are so many viruses going around at the moment. Just want to give him/her a chance to get a bit stronger first!

Is that OK? Open to suggestions on message.

I wouldn't send this, but whatever floats your boat.🙄

Kindly, why do you plan to do with your older child during this period of 2 months +?

If they’re at school, any kind of childcare or mixing with other kids at play dates or groups then they’ll be just as riddled with germs as any adult. Unless you’re planning on your DC1 only being around their younger sibling in a hazmat suit, your efforts to protect your dc2 from day to day germs will be in vain.

You need to see a doctor.

I was just looking at some wedding photos on Facebook of my BIL's brother's wedding where my baby was six weeks old and she was in absolutely loads of photos. I'd forgotten but she had been passed around pretty much every table at the wedding. Probably because she was so cute! I only knew four people but she 'knew' three hundred by the end of it.

It's all totally your choice Op. but if you sent me that text, I would feel like I couldn't visit, so probably wouldn't.

I really don't think you can see how disordered your thinking is on this.

I would wait and see what level of interest there is in your second baby compared to your first before you seek to reduce it. You’ll need the support more second time around too.

Your baby, your choice. Bugger what folk think. You could always wear them in a sling when people come round as that means no chance of someone holding them?

Agreed. "Our baby" is much nicer

Same. I love having a cuddle of other people's babies and also loved family and friends having a cuddle with ours. Obviously it's your call at the end of the day. But I would think really hard before you send a text because you're coming across a bit of a princess, so don't be surprised if this changes your relationship somewhat with whoever you send the text to.

If I got this message from a friend I'd reply gently suggesting they saught help for their health anxiety.

Also if you have other kids they are a lot more likely to pass something on than (relatively clean) adults.

Sending a text is just deranged.

Deal with individual people and situations as they arise.

Unless you’ve got the sibling in quarantine too YABU

if you’ve got the sibling in quarantine YABVU

I think it would be marginally less unwelcoming and weird to just postpone any visits to after your deadline.

However you phrase it, I think it will be hurtful but most people will probably be far too nice to say it to your face.

I'd say your older child is a bigger germ carrier than any of the visitors you're targeting. Will none of you leave the house for the two months.

How are your grandparents germ exempt? But your close friends and family aren't?

Bonkers. Really, bonkers. I think your family probably roll their eyes when they 'accept' this.

Just say 'no visitors', don't invite anyone round, just hope you don't need any help or support.

Already mentioned, but it bears repeating - your baby will have a sibling who will be a lovely reservoir of germs. The good news though is that this is healthy, normal and excellent for developing a strong immune system.

If it will protect your mental health then go ahead, but it'll have bugger all effect on your infant's health.

This is because BABY doesn't have a name yet. Once it's here we will refer to BABY by his or her given name.
Or maybe we'll jus name it baby. Who knows, with the psychosis and all..

Many thanks for the helpful replies on wording, and sorry to the poster who had the very ill baby.

Many thanks also for the concerns regarding my mental health.

As for everyone who has said they would be so upset over not getting to cuddle a newborn that the relationship would be ruined or whatever, I find that a bit strange and I'm confident that my relationships with family and friends are not so fickle.

As my username says...
So many odd things about this but if you absolutely have to do this then please don't put in the message that grandparents are exempt, unless you can say why. It's so off-putting, just don't say anything about that. Surely you wouldn't have a load of family over and just hand the baby over to granny but then grab it back if Granny tried to pass it to aunt? You must just have granny over without others. Or perhaps just ban all people except grandparents until this arbitrary two months. Oh and if you do keep that wording then you might need to add that your other child is/isn't allowed near baby so people know.

YABVVU. The game of "pass the baby" evolved for the survival of the species. OK to ask people not to kiss them.

Kindly OP, I think you would be ill advised to send a text like this. I would just not arrange any visits as most of the joy of meeting a newborn is the delicious snuggly cuddles, you'd be better off saying you were busy/tired if and when they do try to visit. To be honest, most people aren't that interested in a second born child anyway so you may not get as many visits.

If one of my friends or family sent this to me I'd be seriously worried about their mental health.

i think you need a chat with a CPN.

It’s not about people being fickle. I think people around you would be shocked at such a blunt message. You can manage the visits as and when you can direct people in the moment to wash hands, then say no kissing. Why you have to send the message it is so overkill.

They don't finish their primary jabs until four months.