To ask for help wording this message to in-laws/friends

[Daisy5011]

We have a baby on the way. With our last DC i was really uncomfortable with everyone holding and passing around the baby. This time I would like to be more assertive and just make it clear that no one will be holding baby until he or she is a little older and stronger. Probably a couple of months anyway. Exceptions for grandparents only.

I can say this to my family and they will accept it. I think my in laws/friends will too but I just want to put it in a text to them first before any visits happen so that it isn't awkward in person, or that I don't just back out and say nothing.

I would tell DH to do it for in laws but I think he might be a bit clumsy with his wording.

Just to add, both my in laws and my own family are lovely people and I'm lucky to have them, it's not about being possessive of the baby, just trying to avoid things like RSV, coldsores etc that could be very serious for a newborn.

What is the best way to word the text?

I was thinking of something along the lines of

Hi, looking forward to you all meeting baby. Just to let you know, we've decided its best if no one holds baby for now other than grandparents, as there are so many viruses going around at the moment. Just want to give him/her a chance to get a bit stronger first!

Is that OK? Open to suggestions on message.

YABVU. We had a very premature baby and still let our brothers, sisters-in-law, my grandma and our friends have cuddles with her - some even while she was still in NICU!

Just don’t have any visitors until you think the risk has reduced. Like viruses/germs/whatever can’t spread to people without physical contact!? What about the airborne germs?
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to worry for the safety of a newborn but surely the most obvious course of action is to simply put off visits to minimise the introduction of illness into the house.

Fantastic post. Even better that it comes from someone with anxiety who will very much be able to see the OPs side of things.

Totally understand your feeling with this. It’s not batshit, bonkers etc. And honestly it’s just rude and unnecessary to call you this, however it does show the reaction of many F&F so I understand why you’d want to be careful on your wording. I would personally not send a text message out to all F&F where they will rile themselves up and have something to talk about and disagree with you on. Just take it as it comes and have some standard phrases in your pocket when people come over. Good luck OP I wish you a good birth and blissful stress free visits from well wishers.

Wow what an obnoxious OP

@Daisy5011 you are doing the right thing, do what makes you comfortable. With COVID on the rise, why risk it for your newborn? I'd also try and keep gatherings outdoors and if anyone has any sniffles I'd keep them well away.

To everyone else who thinks OP has mental health issues, what is it with Mumsnet instantly labelling cautious people as having MH problems? OP is a medical professional, she knows the risks, she's being sensible.

Babies need to be exposed to germs to gain stronger immune systems. Has everyone already forgotten what two years indoors during the pandemic did to our immune systems? How everyone was at much higher risk of catching colds etc and how poorly they were because of it? Being paranoid is not going to help, where does it stop? Don’t put them in a sling in case you fall over? Don’t wean them in case they choke? Don’t send them to school for god sake, it’s an absolute germ pit.

@Trixiefirecracker you are talking dangerous nonsense. The whole concept of 'immunity debt' was invented during the pandemic to try and encourage parents to send kids back into schools.

Children can be exposed to dirt to build up their immune systems. No one should be knowingly exposed to viruses. Your immune system is not a muscle that needs constant exposure to pathogens to stay healthy, in fact the reverse is true: the reason everyone is now constantly sick is because they have had COVID n times and COVID weakens your immune systems.

@Trixiefirecracker are you honestly encouraging OP to expose her newborn to illness when all babies below 3 months have to go to hospital if they get a fever?

Millions of babies are happily passed around to be held by others, the risks of doing this are extremely small. We are all becoming paranoid and massively risk averse, it’s not healthy. It’s not healthy to hide a baby away for
weeks and then make some arbitrary deadline where you think they will suddenly be okay. And sorry your post about covid is rubbish.

No idea why you came to ask advice when you clearly already know everything.

Well,you did ask folks if they thought you were being unreasonable. Absolutely just do what you think is best for your baby. It is your call. I'm just a wee bit surprised that you say you have a medical background but had to ask folks for their input anyway.

I’m with you on this, OP.

When I had my babies 26 and 30 years ago I didn’t pass them around from person to person either. I didn’t think it was wise to pass them round like a parcel. And I actually think for the feeling of security, to be held by parents and a few close people– Grandparents et cetera was probably better Rather than passing them round to everybody. And my mother thought this way to and she was obviously from an entirely different generation

I also think you’re hilarious! I’ve really enjoyed your answers although I haven’t bothered to read the whole thread because I got bored of people trying to bully you into doing what they thought you should do. Well done on defending yourself with humour. I like your style!

Ha ha I couldn’t wait to pass over the baby so I could have a shower, nap, have a hot drink etc etc. you sound insanely precious

I couldn't stand people passing my baby/cuddling him too much either as a newborn. I wasn't worried about illness nor overly anxious, but I just felt very hormonal and protective. However, as it's your 2nd baby you might find that you feel a bit more chilled out about it once you've given birth. Also, people are much less likely to visit a second one. So maybe wait and see how you feel and then deal with it on a case by case basis rather than a blanket approach now.

You’ve already got a germ bag in your house. Your eldest child! 😂. Just ask them not to kiss the baby your request sounds a bit odd to be honest

My cousins wife wanted visitors to wear a mask (not during COVID)
No one came. The also held their wedding on Xmas eve and told us all last minute because the vicar had agreed.
No one went to that either.
They still complain about it and how no one could be bothered.

There may come a day when you will be glad of the help those infected relatives can bring. 🚫🚫🚫

This just demonstrates how unreasonable your family is 🙄

PRE-Covid, I had to remind everyone visiting my newborn that they have to wash their hands before holding the baby. In my birth country it is a given.

And also washing hands immediately when you get back home from outside is the norm, yet for British people it was a new idea which was only drummed into their heads during the Covid years. Now everyone on the thread is talking about washing hands but they certainly wouldn’t before Covid 🙄

So my father in law was quite offended back then. This is the problem of his ignorance, not MY problem. Same in your example.

You’ll upset everyone! I wouldn’t bother visiting.

I wouldn't send a text in advance - I'd wait until your visitors are there, then if they ask to hold the baby, you can just say something like "do you mind if you don't? I'm just a bit worried about bugs at the moment as he/she hasn't built up any immunity to anything". I don't think people would question you as much if you do it that way.

Why are you so uncomfortable with people holding your baby? Sorry I know some people feel like this but it's just seems weird to me.my 2nd child was born in January and it snowed soon after I took her home. It felt horrible for her that she didn't get the same joyful loving welcome that my DS had. No-one saw or held her for the first two weeks of her life except my mother my husband and me. It felt totally miserable and a huge let down. I think its lovely that people want to hold your baby and show love and affection. I would certainly obey your rules but 2 months seems a long time. Ps my 3rd child was born at 7am on 31st August a home birth we had a BBQ late that afternnon and had a wonderful time with our family and friends.