To ask for help wording this message to in-laws/friends

[Daisy5011]

We have a baby on the way. With our last DC i was really uncomfortable with everyone holding and passing around the baby. This time I would like to be more assertive and just make it clear that no one will be holding baby until he or she is a little older and stronger. Probably a couple of months anyway. Exceptions for grandparents only.

I can say this to my family and they will accept it. I think my in laws/friends will too but I just want to put it in a text to them first before any visits happen so that it isn't awkward in person, or that I don't just back out and say nothing.

I would tell DH to do it for in laws but I think he might be a bit clumsy with his wording.

Just to add, both my in laws and my own family are lovely people and I'm lucky to have them, it's not about being possessive of the baby, just trying to avoid things like RSV, coldsores etc that could be very serious for a newborn.

What is the best way to word the text?

I was thinking of something along the lines of

Hi, looking forward to you all meeting baby. Just to let you know, we've decided its best if no one holds baby for now other than grandparents, as there are so many viruses going around at the moment. Just want to give him/her a chance to get a bit stronger first!

Is that OK? Open to suggestions on message.

For cold sores tell them not to kiss the baby on the mouth, 2 months or 2 years just don't.

What are you going to do to stop your older child from bringing home germs from school or nursery?

Honestly, if someone messaged me this I just wouldn't bother going to see the baby at all. Too much drama.

What about hazmat suits by the door? Visitors could douse themselves in bleach, don the suits and then enter the building.

I think it would be hard to police visitors and may put people off visiting if they feel awkward.

I would say no visitors except grandparents until baby is two months.

Sorry but I think unless there's a massive drip story about compromised immune system etc you are being over protective and controlling.

the Previous poster is not saying that you should be naming the unborn baby in your posts. She is commenting on how you keep saying baby in a sentence rather than the baby, my baby, our baby etc.

Did your first child have health issues? I would think you were really anxious if you sent me that message and probably wait and visit when the baby is older.

Jesus Christ

I’d think how very odd, I was looking forward to going to Marks and Spencer and choosing a nice outfit for the new baby. I might not bother now and just send a card if we’re just going round there to ‘look’ at the baby.

I would suggest you seek help for your health anxiety

Yeah I would actually rethink a relationship if I got that message.

I take it this is an elaborate joke.

The first thing my first child did when my second arrived was try to feed her something he'd picked up off the floor.

If it's serious, the OP would seriously have to have her first child leave home for two months.

How many people would visit a newborn if they had a cold sore, cold, virus etc. If I received a message like that I would think you thought I didn't have the intelligence to know that. Also some people are "carriers", so they might have a virus or covid but just not have any symptoms.

I would suggest you stop trivialising a debilitating condition.

You do realise that there is a real
buzz with a newborn that quickly fades from extended family. No one will want to hold it after two months if you haven’t let them before. You could very well be alienating yourself from a support system.

I was quite sympathetic op till you started with the sarky pa stuff.

Oh. Well maybe I'll let people hold the baby IF their gift is from M&S, or fancier. Strictly NO cuddles for primark gifts 😁

I actually have to get on with my life for a while now, I'll check back in later

Bit weird how you’re acting as if you didn’t post the thread.

same here.

@Daisy5011 how unwell was DC1 with family/friends holding them?

personally think it's nuts, just send me a photo if you think I'm so germ ridden you don't want me to hold your baby!

I would just let anyone hold the baby but if you must go ahead with this bizarre / ridiculous plan then just keep quiet and when people ask to hold just make a polite excuse e.g oh sorry the baby is fussy / hungry / needs a new nappy etc. for the love of god do NOT send a message, a really awful idea that no matter how you word it will come across as crazy and OTT.

@MiddleParking right?! The whole thing, from the obsessive concern for hygiene to the falsely jovial responses to people's comments, is a bit odd. OP I hope you're ok.

Trust me. No one gives a shit once baby no 2 arrives, definitely not like when you had the first one!

You might want to want til the baby is here and find that out for yourself.

Don't do it.

Did something happen with your first which is why you have a lot of anxiety around this?

I get it, my first was premature and spent a couple of weeks in NICU and then seemed to get every bloody illness going when he was about 1 and we spent every other weekend in a&e. I would say I’m more anxious about my kids health because of this than other parents I know.

However, I do think your approach is very unusual especially with a second baby. You obviously can do whatever you think is best but I think you either need to a blanket ban on anyone holding baby or to relax slightly and ask for people to wash hands and no kissing.

I’m also assuming your first is little if they are not yet in nursery? My second is 4 months old and my toddler is nearly two. You may find you will actually welcome a spare set of arms to take baby while you wrestle your toddler. I’ve needed my family and practical help much more with my second so maybe hold off sending a message until baby is here and you can reassess your feelings then.

Honestly OP, you won't get a rational response here. MN hates anything other than the baby being passed around freely for cuddles, you've already had wails of hazmat suits and people being germ-ridden. If you're saying grandparent's only for the first 2 months, it's your baby and your decision regardless. To be completely honest, most people will only be as interested during the newborn stage anyway, so "alienating" those who are only after a cuddle isn't a big deal.