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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to DSDs mum

946 replies

RoarRoarBoom · 27/08/2023 20:03

I am taking my kids to Disneyland Paris next year with my mum. My mum is paying for half the trip and I’m paying the other half.

My partner is not coming and isn’t paying towards it. It’s just a trip with my mum and kids. He is all the kids father.

We dropped DSD back home today and she’s told her mum that I’m taking my kids to Disneyland and she’s sent my partner a Whats app asking if I would consider taking DSD on the trip too.

If I say no then she is going to kick off but I don’t want to take her. This is a trip with my mum and her grandkids.

AIBU to say not consider this at all

OP posts:
Faz469 · 27/08/2023 20:06

Can you afford it? I wouldn't exclude my ss from something like that. But I also wouldn't go without my partner either.

HarridanHarvestingHeldaBeans · 27/08/2023 20:07

Is she offering to pay for her daughter?

Prinnny · 27/08/2023 20:07

Let her kick off, it’s a trip for you and your mum and your kids. Not your DH or his child.

Original poster
RoarRoarBoom · 27/08/2023 20:09

HarridanHarvestingHeldaBeans · 27/08/2023 20:07

Is she offering to pay for her daughter?

no she’s not offering to pay anything

OP posts:
my82my · 27/08/2023 20:10

Why is your partner not going.

How old is your Step daughter.

Is your step daughter's mum offering to pay.

Would you be okay with your step daughter joining you if her dad comes and pays.

Clefable · 27/08/2023 20:11

It's fine to say no. It's likely her mum didn't get the full story, of who was going, paying, etc. But maybe her dad could do something nice with her while you're away? I can understand DSD being envious.

CornishGem1975 · 27/08/2023 20:11

Just say no, unless she's offering to pay.

Pompom2367 · 27/08/2023 20:12

I would say that the trip was paid for by your mum and the room you have is full so you can't add additional people

cruffinsmuffin · 27/08/2023 20:12

No? It's a trip with you and your mum and her grandchildren - not extended family too.

Is there a large age gap? If DSDs mum isn't offering cash either that's very grabby!

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 27/08/2023 20:13

Yanbu to take another dc. If she had an accident you have no PR to deal with that. Presumably she doesn't allow you to parent her dd at other times? How very convenient she would for a holiday...

Original poster
RoarRoarBoom · 27/08/2023 20:13

my82my · 27/08/2023 20:10

Why is your partner not going.

How old is your Step daughter.

Is your step daughter's mum offering to pay.

Would you be okay with your step daughter joining you if her dad comes and pays.

Just because it’s a trip with my mum to spend some time with her grandkids.

She’s never been to Disneyland Paris and wanted to experience it too before she got too old.

All kids are over 10

OP posts:
FloweryName · 27/08/2023 20:14

YANBU not to take her because her dad isn’t going, but I would avoid talking to her about it and encourage your dd not to talk about it either. There’s really no need when the trip isn’t until next year.

lala66 · 27/08/2023 20:14

Does DSD mean step daughter? Is her mother willing to pay for her? If so, why don’t you want her to come? She is their sibling after all and it almost feels like she’s left out. What does your partner think?

LimeCheesecake · 27/08/2023 20:15

“Hi ex, there seems to be some confusion, my mum had offered to take her grandkids to Disneyland Paris, however she might struggle a bit with them so I’m going to go as well to help. This isn’t a whole family trip, DP isn’t going. I don’t think it would be appropriate to ask my mum to include DSD in her trip.”

DarkForces · 27/08/2023 20:17

I understand you just want it to be you, your mum and dd but it's not until next year and dsd knows about it so you must have been talking about it in front of her. Surely you can see that's asking for upset?

CherryMaDeara · 27/08/2023 20:17

YANBU not to take her.

It’s disappointing for dsd but it’s only the parents’ responsibility to take kids on holiday, not step-parents.

Who told dsd about the holiday? It would have been kinder to keep quiet.

And how long have you been dsd’s step-mum?

CherryMaDeara · 27/08/2023 20:18

LimeCheesecake · 27/08/2023 20:15

“Hi ex, there seems to be some confusion, my mum had offered to take her grandkids to Disneyland Paris, however she might struggle a bit with them so I’m going to go as well to help. This isn’t a whole family trip, DP isn’t going. I don’t think it would be appropriate to ask my mum to include DSD in her trip.”

Agreed, there’s no need for ex to know OP is paying half, it can be framed as a treat from DGM.

MeetMyCat · 27/08/2023 20:18

LimeCheesecake · 27/08/2023 20:15

“Hi ex, there seems to be some confusion, my mum had offered to take her grandkids to Disneyland Paris, however she might struggle a bit with them so I’m going to go as well to help. This isn’t a whole family trip, DP isn’t going. I don’t think it would be appropriate to ask my mum to include DSD in her trip.”

A perfect response.

but beware, over the last few weeks several posters have been criticised for failing to include step children in absolutely everything. And apparently your mum should consider your step children as her family, and also include them in everything …

Hopinghonestly · 27/08/2023 20:19

But DH is all the childrens father? So essentially it is all siblings bar one?

I would consider it, if DH and mum would chip in tbf. I feel its too painful to exclude one sibling..she would feel like a mudblood compared to all the other children :(

I think its one of those grey area situations.

BeardieWeirdie · 27/08/2023 20:19

Where is she planning on taking your children to on holiday? Cheeky cow. YANBU.

Cosycover · 27/08/2023 20:19

I would 100% take her.

CherryMaDeara · 27/08/2023 20:21

Hopinghonestly · 27/08/2023 20:19

But DH is all the childrens father? So essentially it is all siblings bar one?

I would consider it, if DH and mum would chip in tbf. I feel its too painful to exclude one sibling..she would feel like a mudblood compared to all the other children :(

I think its one of those grey area situations.

Unlikely if all the kids are over 10, but would be good to know from OP.

Leovaldie · 27/08/2023 20:21

Do all the kids get on well together? If they do and you have room I don't see the problem with taking her....but I'd tell her mom that she and her dad would have to cover the cost between them as your mom's already paid.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/08/2023 20:22

Cosycover · 27/08/2023 20:19

I would 100% take her.

Course you would 🙄

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/08/2023 20:23

She’s being ridiculous OP, just say no. Her dad isn’t even going, contact time is for her to spend with him. Lucky them getting some quality time together while you’re away.