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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say no to DSDs mum

946 replies

RoarRoarBoom · 27/08/2023 20:03

I am taking my kids to Disneyland Paris next year with my mum. My mum is paying for half the trip and I’m paying the other half.

My partner is not coming and isn’t paying towards it. It’s just a trip with my mum and kids. He is all the kids father.

We dropped DSD back home today and she’s told her mum that I’m taking my kids to Disneyland and she’s sent my partner a Whats app asking if I would consider taking DSD on the trip too.

If I say no then she is going to kick off but I don’t want to take her. This is a trip with my mum and her grandkids.

AIBU to say not consider this at all

OP posts:
IamnotSethRogan · 01/09/2023 16:27

People have gone a bit bonkers. You're going on a trip with your mum that your husband isn't going on (and the reason is completely irrelevant). It's perfectly normal. While it's normal that DSD may be jealous, she will still be spending the weekend with her father as normal. I think it would be a bit different if her father was going, but he isn't.

It's not a whole family trip, it's your, your mother and her grand children.

IamnotSethRogan · 01/09/2023 16:28

It's just the reality that children from blended families have different experiences. In the same way that DSD is going to Greece and the others aren't.

Honeychickpea · 01/09/2023 16:51

MeetMyCat · 01/09/2023 09:46

Totally agree. I don't understand this obsession with taking a step child absolutely everywhere. It doesn't happen with bio children.

As a pp pointed out, it is a few vociferous posters repeating themselves ad nauseum.

Kpo58 · 01/09/2023 16:56

If OP had originally said that DSD HAD been to Disney then I'm sure that the responses would have been very different.

For most people going to Disney is a once in a lifetime event so finding out the others are going and you aren't is difficult, but as DSD has already been to Disney then it's fine that she's not going again.

paulaparticles · 05/09/2023 12:04

So it seems everyone was asked did they want to come apart from little step daughter ? When everyone was asked did not one person even question would she like to go or was she really not even talked about or thought about by ANY of you. Including her father. surely someone mentioned her. poor kid. Also you say her dad can take her to cinema when you are all away so you will be conveniently going away when it's his 2 contact days out of 14 so she will be constantly reminded that you all are away. Horrible people. She is part of your family. Your children are not part of her mothers family and I hope her mum makes it up to her and takes her. Her mother was right to refuse contact with you all she obviously knows you all in real life and her choices were valid.

CwmYoy · 05/09/2023 12:08

paulaparticles · 05/09/2023 12:04

So it seems everyone was asked did they want to come apart from little step daughter ? When everyone was asked did not one person even question would she like to go or was she really not even talked about or thought about by ANY of you. Including her father. surely someone mentioned her. poor kid. Also you say her dad can take her to cinema when you are all away so you will be conveniently going away when it's his 2 contact days out of 14 so she will be constantly reminded that you all are away. Horrible people. She is part of your family. Your children are not part of her mothers family and I hope her mum makes it up to her and takes her. Her mother was right to refuse contact with you all she obviously knows you all in real life and her choices were valid.

In a thread full of invented nonsense this idiocy is a prizewinner.

Not horrible at all. Don't be silly. If you'd bothered to read properly you'd know DSD has already been.

aSofaNearYou · 05/09/2023 12:12

In a thread full of invented nonsense this idiocy is a prizewinner

Couldn't agree more. I saw that response, thought about addressing all the things wrong with it and just thought oh what's the point 😂

CherryMaDeara · 05/09/2023 12:41

I think if the situations were reversed and DH’s mum was taking him and his sole dc to Disney, no one would be expecting him to take OP’s dc as well.

MeetMyCat · 05/09/2023 12:49

aSofaNearYou · 05/09/2023 12:12

In a thread full of invented nonsense this idiocy is a prizewinner

Couldn't agree more. I saw that response, thought about addressing all the things wrong with it and just thought oh what's the point 😂

My thoughts entirely @aSofaNearYou I'm bored of explaining over and over again.

Backagain23 · 05/09/2023 14:18

In a thread full of invented nonsense this idiocy is a prizewinner
Oh I don't know, it looked like a cut, copy and paste of a hundred other similarly inane responses to me, all the little soundbites strung together.

WickedSerious · 05/09/2023 15:12

paulaparticles · 05/09/2023 12:04

So it seems everyone was asked did they want to come apart from little step daughter ? When everyone was asked did not one person even question would she like to go or was she really not even talked about or thought about by ANY of you. Including her father. surely someone mentioned her. poor kid. Also you say her dad can take her to cinema when you are all away so you will be conveniently going away when it's his 2 contact days out of 14 so she will be constantly reminded that you all are away. Horrible people. She is part of your family. Your children are not part of her mothers family and I hope her mum makes it up to her and takes her. Her mother was right to refuse contact with you all she obviously knows you all in real life and her choices were valid.

This is comedy gold.

Outstanding stuff.

SleeplessinSeattle53 · 05/09/2023 15:49

Must remember to chain myself to the house every time SS visits in future, after reading this post. Silly old me for having a life.

Rosscameasdoody · 05/09/2023 18:56

CherryMaDeara · 05/09/2023 12:41

I think if the situations were reversed and DH’s mum was taking him and his sole dc to Disney, no one would be expecting him to take OP’s dc as well.

Except that they are all his children, so they would all be his mothers’ grandchildren. The issue is that people think because DSD is half sibling to OP/DH’s children, that they should all be included. If that’s the case then OP/DH’s children should be going to Greece with her - after all, they are half siblings too.

CherryMaDeara · 05/09/2023 19:38

Rosscameasdoody · 05/09/2023 18:56

Except that they are all his children, so they would all be his mothers’ grandchildren. The issue is that people think because DSD is half sibling to OP/DH’s children, that they should all be included. If that’s the case then OP/DH’s children should be going to Greece with her - after all, they are half siblings too.

I know but i mean if the situation was fully reversed, I.e. OP has a dd who was DH’s DSD. He and his mum wouldn’t be expected to take her.

BungleandGeorge · 05/09/2023 22:44

Rosscameasdoody · 05/09/2023 18:56

Except that they are all his children, so they would all be his mothers’ grandchildren. The issue is that people think because DSD is half sibling to OP/DH’s children, that they should all be included. If that’s the case then OP/DH’s children should be going to Greece with her - after all, they are half siblings too.

🙄
clearly not the same but I think you know that

stepmum, dad, child and stepchild. All related by blood or marriage. Both children spend time within the family home living as a family
subsequent children of ex partner are no relation by blood or marriage to the 2 adults in the other household. Thus they don’t spend anytime with the adults that have no relation to as they are not a family.

CherryMaDeara · 05/09/2023 23:26

BungleandGeorge · 05/09/2023 22:44

🙄
clearly not the same but I think you know that

stepmum, dad, child and stepchild. All related by blood or marriage. Both children spend time within the family home living as a family
subsequent children of ex partner are no relation by blood or marriage to the 2 adults in the other household. Thus they don’t spend anytime with the adults that have no relation to as they are not a family.

But DSD doesn’t spend enough time with OP’s mum to warrant being taken on hols with her.

RoarRoarBoom · 06/09/2023 13:10

CherryMaDeara · 05/09/2023 23:26

But DSD doesn’t spend enough time with OP’s mum to warrant being taken on hols with her.

Exactly This.

My parents don’t spend any time living with her.

OP posts:
BathingBeauty · 06/09/2023 18:01

I think the person who has most to complain about this trip is OPs brother. His mum is going with his sister and not him.

Greenpolkadot · 06/09/2023 18:19

I feel sorry for you OP.
Youv been questioned and cross questioned.
Had to explain feelings.. morals ...and the far end of a fart and the way to it.
I hope you and your mum have a great time with the kids at Disney Paris.
And ignore the mad twats on here

HamBone · 06/09/2023 19:21

BathingBeauty · 06/09/2023 18:01

I think the person who has most to complain about this trip is OPs brother. His mum is going with his sister and not him.

🤣🤣. Yes, we should all throw hissy fits when our parents go away with our siblings! That’s exactly what mature adults do.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/09/2023 00:03

BungleandGeorge · 05/09/2023 22:44

🙄
clearly not the same but I think you know that

stepmum, dad, child and stepchild. All related by blood or marriage. Both children spend time within the family home living as a family
subsequent children of ex partner are no relation by blood or marriage to the 2 adults in the other household. Thus they don’t spend anytime with the adults that have no relation to as they are not a family.

The point I was making was that if people are saying that dsd should go on the holiday because the OPs kids are her half siblings, then the trip to Greece is no different - they are still half siblings so what’s sauce for the goose etc.

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