Threat to take kids home from holiday

[Anothernamethesamegame]

Second night in to a holiday and the kids (7/9 yr old) behaviour has been fairly difficult. Not absolutely horrendous but difficult. It’s never that easy. They are both quite hyperactive kids, both clash a lot.

husband, who always struggles managing bed time, has struggled with their bed time tonight. They are in the same room, which is always difficult.

He just threatened them with taking them home tomorrow. Came down and said he plans to actually drive them back some way in the car. I’ve no idea what he hopes to achieve, other than hyping the situation up and making it an awful day for us all. I said “ well what if they continue being poorly behaved” and he said then he’d just drive them all the way home and stay home.

How the hell do I deal with this. Obviously it is massively over the top and he is making the situation 100 times more tense in my opinion. How do I approach this without seemingly like I am undermining him….which he feels I always do?

Is he likely to actually do it or is it one of those things someone says when they are stressed and annoyed and by tomorrow it won't be as big a deal?

You do nothing. If you don't back him up to the point of going all the way home they you are undermining him.

It would serve them right if their holiday was cut short due to their behaviour.

Let him take them then you can continue your holiday in peace!

You wave them all off at the door. He will sharp come back when he realises there'll only be him to manage their bedtimes at home while you see out the rest of the holiday.

I also suspect the dc will sharp know to behave ar bedtimes on future holidays

What are they doing at bedtime to warrant this?

You would be undermining him by not backing him up on ending the holiday early. But he caused the situation by making a stupid threat to the children in anger, and escalating the situation instead of calming it down. If this is pretty typical of him then I'm not surprised you're often undermining him. I would be too.

Either way it’s shit isn’t it.
if he doesn’t mean it then it’s a shit empty threat that has hyped them up this eve. They’re both a crying mess.

If he intends to do it he has single hardly decided to end our holiday without speaking to mean and made difficult behaviour into a massive drama.

I'm afraid you need to back him up or it will be undermining him .
Perhaps it will work. We did this 1 time when both DS were acting out on day we were due to go away ( only to my DPs for a few days family get together), they didn't stop after a couple of warnings so we didn't go...actually we did go the next day but it never happened again!

This.

This is typical. And so it becomes difficult. He’s been a lot better but bedtimes on holidays I’ve noticed have been a particularly bad point

🤣

Let him take them
You stay right where you are
Enjoy the peace

I wouldn’t enjoy it. I’d feel awful and sad and stressed.

Give the kids the chance to stay on holiday by demonstrating extra good behaviour - and hope they take it ?

Alternative is to sit down with kids, explain their behaviour is ruining the holiday and that's why dad made the threat he did, which is a bit disproportionate but not impossible to follow through on, ask them what they suggest doing about their behaviour so you can all enjoy your holiday. 7 and 9 is surely old enough to take some responsibility for their behaviour. If they can't come up with anything explain that you won't go home but instead replace with a different punishment that will apply once the holiday is over?

The crime doesn’t exactly fit the punishment he is holding over them does it? Does he often overreact in this way? Pretty mentally damaging for them tbh, I know someone who behaved in this way to young kids, always huge threats over small misbehaviours. Horrible.
I bet your DH threatens to cancel Christmas or birthday parties too.

But surely its rhe best way for him and dc to learn? They can all go home and he can do bedtimes there.

You can rest.

What are they doing at bedtime to warrant this?
^
General annoyingness. Not settling, both arguing. Playing about. Son hit DD because she wouldn’t be quiet. Nothing horrendous, just constant low level bickering.

problem is they were like that last night. So I sat with them for 45 minutes. Listened to podcasts with them and made a few realistic threats of punishment.

His style…..always…..is to loose his temper. Make a massive threat. Kids get scared and hyped up because they been threatened with him doing something like throwing away their switch or like tonight going home from holiday. Then the situation lasts longer and longer because they’re hyped up and can’t calm down. Also I feel a little like he is too fucking lazy to do basic things to help them actually manage settling.

put them to sleep in different rooms and then put them together when both asleep.

Why don't you put them to bed yourself? If it's a known pressure point why persist in getting him to do it? Get him to do something else instead

But agree that making stupid threats is not going to help. Presumably they believe him or they wouldn't be crying.

maybe your right. What do the kids learn though? I honestly don’t belive it will have any long term positive effect.

Not to mention we are away with grandparents and my brother. So it’s supposed to be a “family” holiday.

Can you take the children out in the morning? Give DH a chance to calm down and give you a chance to talk to the children. Explain how close they were to losing the holiday but that they’ve got a final chance to prove themselves. You probably also need a chat with DH about reasonable expectations and consequences, but timing that might be difficult.

I feel your frustration though. It’s so difficult when you want to present a United front but your partner is making decisions without your input, that you believe to be unwarranted.

The kids would learn that if they dick about and play up then they don’t get nice treats like a holiday. What do you think is so hard for them to learn from that? It’s quite a natural punishment in my view. If you can’t behave nicely on holiday then we can’t go on holiday at all.

Because I shouldn’t have to do bedtime every night. Maybe selfish but I want to sit and spend time with my parents and brother too. You might be right though that it’s easiest.

Why are the dc being allowed to dick around at bedtime to the point you are sat listening to podcasts with them for 45mins?

Neither you or dh sound effective at getting the kids to behave at bedtime - you both just seem to handle it a different way.

I mean I’m open to suggestions. Anything helpful?
basically they have always struggled to sleep in the same room and we usually avoid doing so at all costs. Grandparents booked this holiday and the kids have a room together.

Honestly I didn’t think 45 minutes to get kids to sleep on the first night of their holiday was too bad and I stayed to avoid arguments starting. I do sit with them until they sleep at home.