I am SO f**ing sick of the playstation, their phones, the Ipad...I want to smash them to bits.

[Findmeahammer]

Two DC, 12.5 and 14. Boys.

I'm sick of the endless need for gaming
I'm sick of the conversation always reverting back to gaming
I'm sick of being told they need more time, even after they've filled their boots
I'm sick of them coming off the gaming, to then shuffle towards their phones
I'm sick of asking them to come off and them asking for more - more screen, more Tik Tok, more stupid fucking
I'm sick of having to enforce a time or else it could quite possible be 24/7
I'm sick of being on holiday, in a great and exciting place, and them still thinking about being plugged in
I'm sick of constantly thinking of things for them do to ensure they have balance - daily, great activities with friends etc
I'm sick of getting up really early and late in the holidays, and have to squeeze work in at the beginning and end of day, to be available to ensure they have this balance
I'm sick of worrying about what their minds are becoming and what they're going to lose out on
I'm just sick of the whole fucking thing. Honestly. DS2 in particular, is so bright and curious and articulate. And yet he doesn't even want to read anymore.

And honestly, I'm not a dramatic person. I get screens are part of their life. But I'm so, so tired of it. I genuinely am. What kind of a life is this?

OP I am on my knees with gaming. Fucking gaming It's referred to by DH & me. I have similar issues with.youngest DS (11). His older brother19 isn't a gamer, & the other 16.5, games here
& there, but has never been like youngest is. He's obsessed- like your DC he's either playing/ watching videos about playing/ planning what to play/ asking for more play time/ talking about fucking VBucks/ Skins/ gliders/ challenges/ the item shop/ new season/ old chapter...fucking incessant. He has ASD & ADHD & just cannot switch off or regulate. It makes all our lives a misery. But we cannot see a way through it.

We have strict limits on the app- total play time & bed-time switch off- or he'd play all day. He saves all pocket money for game spending. I wish his brother had never suggested Fortnite as a positive thing (he'll like building/ strategy/ playing on a team) as the negatives outweigh the positives by far.

He does karate & Scouts still, thankfully, but rarely wants to go mountain biking anymore (DH & DS2 are mad for it, DS3 likes it too) or hiking with DS3/ DH. DH in particular worries- he's v outdoorsy & feels DS3 is limiting himself/ will for the rest of his life.

If we try to take devices off him (Switch & phone here) it leads to massive autistic meltdowns, so we manage it best we can, but like you it makes me really sad. He's lovely underneath. His need for stimulation is met by it, but he's also over-whelmed. It's a real conundrum.

We are engaged parents & it seems such hard work to keep him engaged in much.

Solidarity.

My DS is only young but already we've got into this awful cycle. I hate it and feel guilty we even Introduced him to the iPad. I've put a screen lock on the iPad for during, but he's become obsessed with Minecraft. He builds wonderful things in there so at least he's being creative. But I know I need to be stronger with screen time. It's my own doing! Need to sort myself out with screen time too 🤦🏻‍♀️

100% agree. Makes me so sad for them. Life is passing them by. And sad for me and my partner too. It's such a disappointment. I wish I was a parent before smart phones. Hopefully, some regulation will come in eventually of addictive features but it will be too late for this generation of children and young adults. Thanks for posting OP.

Wow ok, yes gaming in your room never did you any harm did it

I have 3 teen DS and the OP describes my frustrations too. At least one DS has ASD and he is particularly addicted in my view. Completely unable to regulate gaming.

Younger DS similar but a bit more persuadable to do other things. But it's a struggle and fight and exhausting.

Eldest DS can take it or leave it and nonissues at all.

We had no gaming machines at all until two years ago. No phones until secondary. I thought we were doing well and could control it by delaying exposure but sadly it hasn't worked.

I think PP who's DC can control it are lucky. I think some people's brains are more susceptible to addiction and once exposed to this technology and dopamine rewards it is difficult to stop them wanting to be on it all the time. Hence the arguments and conflict and whinging.

My DTs are older, so we didn’t have much of a problem. However, a family holiday in France was ruined by bloody Tamagotchi. We couldn’t all be in the sea together in case the damn things needed feeding or whatever. And oh the tears when DT’s ‘died’. Luckily it was a short lived craze.

Such an interesting thread. I feel your pain.

@HauntedPencil this is what I mean by JRM

Hahah yes that was the inspiration (a few years back now)

Ok. believe me-any sorta "ban devices"time is utter misery. They skip-making the best of it and focus on hating you.
However.
Under mystairs(you gotta have one somewhere)is a Tripswitch
ours has a upstairs -overhead(lights)lowerlevel(plugpoints)same againfordownstairs..
i tend to switchthe 2 big switchers off.......for effect.Then reinstall lights-but zzero plug\charge\availability.zero wifi if no current. IF persist use mobile data...kill overhead lights n make out save your charge in case need for torch\emergencies.
they still willni like you.
BUT
is amazing how "waiting on the fix it man" reintroduces you to your kids.

I feel your pain too, we have two boy tweens. No phones yet but constant negotiation for more time and limited interest in anything outside of it. I went rogue last week and turned off the wifi they were devastated. I’d love them to be outside more, read more so anything else frankly. I don’t blame them it’s highly addictive but I worry about the longer term effects of screens for all of us. It might be an urban myth but always hear that Silicon Valley execs don’t allow their kids screen time…

Some of the responses on this thread are wild. Solidarity @Findmeahammer it’s a nightmare, I get it. And it’s very hard to ban things entirely when school work/friendships/clubs are arranged via WhatsApp and apps etc- and yet kids can’t self regulate, so a little phone time becomes an overwhelming amount of phone time in the blink of an eye. The only thing I think has helped my dd is sports because you can’t trampoline and text/dance and text, so it broke up the evenings (was 4 nights a week-and strictly no phones in school so that sorted the school day) for that part of her teen yrs at least. It makes me so angry that the people who designed all this addictive bollocks now regret it and don’t allow their kids to have tech! (The social dilemma- Netflix)

I think PP who's DC can control it are lucky. I think some people's brains are more susceptible to addiction and once exposed to this technology and dopamine rewards it is difficult to stop them wanting to be on it all the time. Hence the arguments and conflict and whinging

I completely agree. Completely.

I worry that DS2 (also adhd) is in for a major operation (snapped ACL playing rugby) on Monday, & will be off his feet for weeks/ no sport for 6 months. I don't want his occasional gaming to be his replacement & to become an addiction. He's already bloody addicted to his phone - youtube/ messaging mates- but spends loads of time outdoors at present which is the balance.

You’re not wrong OP. If you are interested in finding out why it is so addictive and all consuming, then have a look at the boom Stolen Focus. It is all about this and why it is very very very hard for people to remain immune to the pull of tech. It’s à fascinating book.

As a PlayStation widow I'd like to say it gets better - but clearly these boys just turn into...bigger boys. I feel for you, I would be mortified if my daughter caught the gaming bug because I've seen first hand it can be a life long addiction. I've no idea mentally what long term harm it does but just watching the shooting, flashing lights, fighting etc gives me an instant headache. I so wish they didn't exist.

I love the PlayStation 😆 Haven’t had time to play it since DC was born.

I grew up in the 90s and we all had games consoles. They may not have been online but I still could have sat there and played them for 24h if I’d wanted to or someone had let me. But there was other stuff to do.

I think the only difference between then and now is the fomo caused by social media. I think kids would be able to move through this over time if supported to engage with other things but it’s actually the adults who worry about their DC missing out or being bullied for not having devices. (Not necessarily in your case op but whenever people talk about letting their primary aged kids have phones etc it’s because they don’t want their kid to be ‘odd one out’)

I sounds like you are really trying your best to walk the tightrope. You’ve clearly tried it all. Maybe giving them a sense of responsibility over it in some way. Like they go to a club and learn a new skill each term in order to earn x amount of time gaming or spend x amount of time outside to earn it and they can only play on weekends. Emphasise showing maturity = being mature enough to play games and be online otherwise they can wait till they move out if they want to came all night.

@Findmeahammer
To answer your question
With tech the way it is, phones are the new books, and computers is the new outdoors, indoors.
Basically rightly or wrongly modern life.

That made me laugh:) we have custudio on the teens phones and insist they LEAVE THE HOUSE to walk dog etc. Without a phone.
No phones upstairs. No tik tok, no instagram, snap chat etc . One just games and doesnt care about social media, the other looks up stuff about fashion and texts mates to meet up etc.

This. I'm so sorry OP. Wish I had good advice. It's just shit

Unfortunately i think this is a sign of how tech heavy life is for everyone now than it used to be.
I didn't have cable tv til i was about 14, and didnt get broadband internet til i was 15. I was the only one of my friends who didn't grow up from a kid with sky tv, and was the last to get broadband internet. Back then it was all pay as go basic mobile phones too so people didn't text often because it was 10p a text, so outside of school i was very isolated from my friends without much means of staying in touch with them. Time after school was watching tv, by myself til parents got home, then family time all together in living room, watching things together, chatting, newspaper passed around etc. I didn't have friends outside of school in my highschool years due to bullying from the other kids on my street, so i didn't play out. Outings in to town with school friends happened on the occasional weekend only, not a regular thing. But even then, down time was still screens, just in a more communal way.

Now im a 33 year old disabled woman too ill to work or leave the house much, again i dont have in real life friends to meet up with, all my contacts are online friends. So, i spend my days online. I'm either in twitch or youtube streams or on discord servers of a gaming community of my favourite game series, resident evil, where i've made lots of long term friends with similar interests. It was in this gaming online community i met my long term partner 3 years ago. I also enjoy gaming myself, and go through phases of playing very infrequently, or when new games come out, i can be hooked on them and play them to death for hours a day, every day, sometimes for weeks, or even a couple of months until i complete the game and all challenges and trophies linked to said game, or i eventually get sick of it, or move on to a new game. I enjoy online gaming with my partner and its a good way to spend time together between visits as we live 45 minutes apart and both live with parents due to health issues and can't currently move in together. Its no different to spending a couple of hours chatting on the phone (which we do also do), we're just gaming whilst talking.
I also enjoy mumsnet, social media, online newspapers, streaming services for shows and movies like netflix, prime, disney+. Honestly, the majority of my waking hours is spent online in front of my laptop, my games console, or my tv.

I had internet issues from mid april until late june when we finally figured out the issue was a dodgy cable where the phoneline comes in to the house, so for the majority of the day, i was technically connected to the internet, but it was so slow it couldnt load youtube, twitch, any streaming service, couldnt game online. For those 2 1/2 months i was restricted to pretty much just mumsnet as it was the only thing that would load, albeit several minutes to load per page, and i was completely lost and cut off from all activities i enjoyed, and all my friends. I'd get a few hours in the early hours of the morning where internet would sporadically kick in and allow me to use youtube, netflix etc but never for more than a few hours then it would be out all day again.

It made me very sad just how reliant i am on being online, not just for entertainment but also the majority of my socialisation. In my case severe health issues are major factor, not being able to work, no in real life friends etc, but it really opened my eyes to how much technology is just a part of daily life now. I can't imagine being a child/teen again now with the smart phones and all the apps, all the social media platforms, the online gaming. It is so, so easy to get left behind and isolated if it's what everyone else is doing/talking about and you're not allowed. Not to mention lonely when playing outside together etc isn't the norm anymore now everyone is online so cheaply and easily, compared to the old dial up days. Can't be part of the socialisation in school when the chat is about social media and online gaming if you're not allowed to do it, or are time restricted and have to get off after a time limit and leave your group of friends playing/chatting without you. It's easy to feel like you're missing out and getting left behind, i felt it badly enough as a full grown adult, i can't imagine how much bigger a deal it would feel as a child/teen. I Don't envy those growing up in this technology era, and i really feel for those parenting those that are.

High school homework is mainly set via an app so kids need access to see Their diary, then maths homework requires another app. How can a parent be strict to take away the only thing they care about, but also have to give their child access to technology as standard

1976 called, they want their encyclopaedia back.

Li read the head of these computer companies in the US don’t allow their kids screens - even tv - but they have staff who police it so don’t have the arguments themselves.

Yes, OP should have written to The Times / Daily Mail -then waited a week or so reading the letters page daily to see if it is published, then , if it is , read the crazy comments below the letters page -many v critical/abusive /unrelated to her comments .
She would have gained a lot of insight from that ….