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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am SO f**ing sick of the playstation, their phones, the Ipad...I want to smash them to bits.

199 replies

Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 19:40

Two DC, 12.5 and 14. Boys.

I'm sick of the endless need for gaming
I'm sick of the conversation always reverting back to gaming
I'm sick of being told they need more time, even after they've filled their boots
I'm sick of them coming off the gaming, to then shuffle towards their phones
I'm sick of asking them to come off and them asking for more - more screen, more Tik Tok, more stupid fucking
I'm sick of having to enforce a time or else it could quite possible be 24/7
I'm sick of being on holiday, in a great and exciting place, and them still thinking about being plugged in
I'm sick of constantly thinking of things for them do to ensure they have balance - daily, great activities with friends etc
I'm sick of getting up really early and late in the holidays, and have to squeeze work in at the beginning and end of day, to be available to ensure they have this balance
I'm sick of worrying about what their minds are becoming and what they're going to lose out on
I'm just sick of the whole fucking thing. Honestly. DS2 in particular, is so bright and curious and articulate. And yet he doesn't even want to read anymore.

And honestly, I'm not a dramatic person. I get screens are part of their life. But I'm so, so tired of it. I genuinely am. What kind of a life is this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 21:50

Jamtartforme · 25/08/2023 21:39

Yes, we have no screens in this house bar CBeebies on telly and DD will get a mobile when she goes to secondary school. She’s 4 and some people are incredulous we’ve managed this long without a tablet or letting her play games on our phones Hmm

Show quote history

DC got TV, but limited, and no gaming (no playstation) until eldest was 10. No phones until secondary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wow, you are so aggressive. Chill out

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 21:53

Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 21:33

What do people think these kids will do when you no longer have control? What do you want them to do for 16 hours a day when it's holidays or downtime? What are are people expecting? I just don't get it. When I was 16 I would spend most of my time in my room, no Internet, but TV aplenty.

When they are older they can do what they like. You could say this about anything. As parents we set rules about pretty much everything hoping to set good habits, you don't let kids gorge on sweets all day or not go to bed or miss school. It's just the hope that when they are older it's helping to have healthy habits. I know gaming is enjoyable and I've no issue with it per se, however I feel it's my responsibility to ensure that they are not on screens/gaming 24/7.

Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 21:54

I'm not aggressive at all. My kids are fine, perfectly willing to get out and about, not obsessed with any games they are lovely people. Maybe you need to chill out.

DutchCowgirl · 25/08/2023 21:55

My DH plays fortnite with our sons. There are some other games I can join as well… but fortnite is not for me. Gaming time is after 4 pm till dinner time.
Oldest son has a limit of 2 ours on his phone for social media.
it’s not ideal, but it’s doable

SilverSpooooons · 25/08/2023 21:57

Namechangedforthis25 · 25/08/2023 19:43

Ok but you are on your phone writing this so not the best example perhaps

Surely if they should be off their phone you should do it by having a no phones day for your family or whatever

FFS this wins the internet for 'Stupidest Comment of the Day' 🤦‍♀️

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 21:59

Fortnite has been an issue for is, awful rages coming off it and it alone. I have far less issue with pretty much any other game but he wants to sit on this one. It's addictive for him

Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 21:59

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 21:53

When they are older they can do what they like. You could say this about anything. As parents we set rules about pretty much everything hoping to set good habits, you don't let kids gorge on sweets all day or not go to bed or miss school. It's just the hope that when they are older it's helping to have healthy habits. I know gaming is enjoyable and I've no issue with it per se, however I feel it's my responsibility to ensure that they are not on screens/gaming 24/7.

Show quote history

You can set rules all you like but children have an inherent personality. If you think you change that, good luck to you. My eldest is very kind but a bit nihilistic, second is very enthusiastic but quite reactive, third is pretty calm, excellent sense of humour.

IfICantHaveYou · 25/08/2023 22:00

Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 20:16

Why are board games seen as some kind of elevated activity? I hate them all with a passion, would rather go to the dentist, at least they will numb the pain.

They are seen that way on MM

I love monopoly on the screen! Much better

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 22:01

That's no reason to let them do whatever they like. If he wants to play fortnite in his own flat in his pants 24/7 in his 20s that'll be his own choice but right now I have to be responsible for him and that won't be happening.

user76541055773 · 25/08/2023 22:01

mumofteenss · 25/08/2023 21:47

Lol, its not a stealth boast. It was more along of the lines of letting you see that they can achieve and gain valuable life skills if you embrace their hobbies with them, and show in interest in their interests, rather than see it as a negative.

Show quote history

My experience is closer to yours @mumofteenss

i won’t elaborate because it will also be accused of being a stealth boast, but I would expect the common threads would be:

  • genuinely teaching them to self regulate and why they should, rather than dictating limits
  • listening to them talk about what they are doing and having a proper engaged dialogue about it rather than switching off because “it’s about a game” and you can’t be bothered to listen any more
  • not seeing “screens” as inherently evil, or indeed as one homogeneous thing
  • not expecting your child’s childhood to look the same as your childhood (too much tv and phone time were the worries of my parents generation: too much time “with their head stuck in a book” were the worries of my grandparents)
HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 22:02

Again I am not talking about excessive limitations here - he gets plenty of time.

NationMcKinley · 25/08/2023 22:02

@suitcasecoveredincathair (I have several too). I’d also be really interested in how you manage your child’s inattentive ADD, please. I’m fairly certain my middle one has this, my youngest has classic ADHD.

@Findmeahammer re my 16 year old and how do you police it - truthfully fuck knows! He does do other stuff like competitive sport plus he does volunteering and his generally a pretty sweet boy BUT when he’s home and this is quite a lot, he’s just dicking around on SM. He’s starting A Levels in Sept and I have massive concerns. Like I said, his GCSEs were not great.

I’m not anti SM (clearly) and I do think it has huge benefits eg I learned SO much real life ADHD stuff when my youngest was getting assessed etc but I think my big concern (and this is the way my 16 year old uses it) is that it does not teach you to concentrate and read properly. It’s all very fast and frenetic. And there’s so much crap out there. You have to be so careful esp with all the loons like Andrew Tate spewing their batshit evil shite.

I also think that the lockdowns have made reining in SM and video games very tricky for parents as we were so reliant on on line stuff for education AND socialising.

My younger two like Minecraft and I’m not anti that mostly although it’s very weird, isn’t it?

Honestly, if I had my time again I’d do things very differently in terms of screens although I think mine were fairly late to them anyway.

We’ve just come back from holiday and it seemed like 80% of all the kids at mealtimes (AI type place) had a screen in front of them. I’m trying not judge as patenting is HARD but this is just sad.

Sorry, am rambling. Hope this all makes sense, I’m tired, fed up and have had a medicinal 🍷

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 22:03

Ok great so how are you "genuinely" teaching about self regulation without having any limits or rules?

Cyclingmug · 25/08/2023 22:03

Namechangedforthis25 · 25/08/2023 19:43

Ok but you are on your phone writing this so not the best example perhaps

Surely if they should be off their phone you should do it by having a no phones day for your family or whatever

Jeez are you for real

Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 22:03

People blame the games, but it's not that. If they are aggressive and shit. That is the personality, not the game.

BertieBotts · 25/08/2023 22:04

ADHD absolutely makes the screen more addictive. DS1 is better on medication. I am too actually. When I'm not medicated I'll scroll and read Mumsnet literally all day. When I'm medicated, it gets boring after a little bit and I go and do something else.

DS1 was a nightmare when younger - he'd absolutely obsess over it. We had to cut it right down because any more than a certain amount of time and he'd spend literally all of the remaining amount of the day flopping around on the sofa, sighing and asking if it was his screen time yet.

Now he has friends who have other hobbies he does that now instead.

Shakespeareshead · 25/08/2023 22:05

user76541055773 · 25/08/2023 22:01

My experience is closer to yours @mumofteenss

i won’t elaborate because it will also be accused of being a stealth boast, but I would expect the common threads would be:

  • genuinely teaching them to self regulate and why they should, rather than dictating limits
  • listening to them talk about what they are doing and having a proper engaged dialogue about it rather than switching off because “it’s about a game” and you can’t be bothered to listen any more
  • not seeing “screens” as inherently evil, or indeed as one homogeneous thing
  • not expecting your child’s childhood to look the same as your childhood (too much tv and phone time were the worries of my parents generation: too much time “with their head stuck in a book” were the worries of my grandparents)
Show quote history

Sorry, but I’d be irritated by this if I was the OP. Who’s to say she hasn’t engaged fully? Why assume she’s checked out? Maybe she just hasn’t been able to penetrate her DC in the same way through sensible discussion.

you sound soooo smug!

NationMcKinley · 25/08/2023 22:05

@HauntedPencil - JRM by any chance? We had the exact same with Fortnite. We banned it after a week. Was scary.

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 22:06

Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 22:03

People blame the games, but it's not that. If they are aggressive and shit. That is the personality, not the game.

You don't seem interested in any other narrative but your own.

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 22:07

I'm toying with the idea of banning it. It's honestly marked the difference in coming off that game than any other game or his siblings on different games.

Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 22:08

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 22:06

You don't seem interested in any other narrative but your own.

Show quote history

What is another narrative?

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 22:08

NationMcKinley · 25/08/2023 22:05

@HauntedPencil - JRM by any chance? We had the exact same with Fortnite. We banned it after a week. Was scary.

Sorry what's JRM? I wish I'd never started with it - luckily seems to be waning out with his peers now.

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 22:08

What is that supposed to mean?

RadioFoot · 25/08/2023 22:10

Namechangedforthis25 · 25/08/2023 19:43

Ok but you are on your phone writing this so not the best example perhaps

Surely if they should be off their phone you should do it by having a no phones day for your family or whatever

This is a really dumb argument. Can you not see that?

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